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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29814300">Things We Fall For</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLanera/pseuds/LadyLanera'>LadyLanera</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Bonding, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode AU: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Existential Blowjobs, Forced Bonding, Gabriel in the Empty (Supernatural), Human Gabriel (Supernatural), Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, SlightlyGracedUp!Sam, Temporary Character Death, motorcycle crash due to dog but dog's fine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:07:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>61,647</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29814300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLanera/pseuds/LadyLanera</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the beginning, the angelic golden shepherd of humanity abandoned his ordained Heavenly responsibilities, choosing to navigate humanity’s vices instead and wade through its sins. During his travels, he encountered the vessel destined to play host to his fallen big brother for the final confrontation for Paradise. It was at this crossroads of fate, a bond was created so personal and intrusive that it may either save or damn them.</p><p>MCD tags are temporary deaths that set up fic.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Gabriel Big Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Be Somebody</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, all. First off, apologies on the late posting. Real life sucks. Anyway, you have no idea how difficult it was for me to keep this fic a secret for this bang. I think this is maybe one of my best Sabriel fics yet. Then again, I'm biased of course. This is my first bang I've ever participated in, and it was such a blast.</p><p>Thanks to my amazing mods, LeviSqueaks and Emblue_Sparks, for all their amazing behind the scenes work. For this bang, I was paired up with the fantastic artist Corvu-ss, who created absolutely beautiful pieces for this fic that I've embedded in the fic. A million thanks to Jean Ralphio for helping me tame this beast and pointing out where I needed to be a little clearer since you're not all in my head unfortunately. And thanks to RiaRose and DaughterOfAres for all their emotional support for my pre-bang jitters.</p><p>Anyway, the MCD tag is only for temporary deaths (Sam and Gabe [since he's in the Empty at first]). Both of whom I Winchester back to life because I shrug at Cosmic Consequences like Castiel. ;) No one dies after that. Hope you all enjoy the wild ride.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Brothers in arms, both figuratively and literally, beings of tremendous might and power hovered side-by-side illuminating nothingness with their stunning, blinding lights of ruby, gold, jade, and silver. These fierce, absolute warriors bearing the mark of Heaven’s grace and influence encircled the dark stain that chaotically  pulsed hate and anger out. Their own unique Graces vibrated back, meeting all its negative energy and stopping it from seeping further. More crackly thunder boomed all around and rippled out from raw energy surrounding these beings entrusted by Father.</p>
<p>“Gavriel!”</p>
<p>The youngest of four remained guarded, though, wholly closed off at hearing its name hissed and screeched from Father’s enemy. It was as if the being hadn’t heard its name at all.</p>
<p>“You know this is wrong!” begged their foe, its inky blackness reaching out wildly. “Help me!”</p>
<p>For a brief second, the golden being’s bright light muted, knowing Father's enemy was speaking the truth. This didn't feel right for some reason. However, when its brother’s fiery ruby rays chided and then lashed at the six iridescent golden wings in warning, the golden light returned. Who was the young archangel to question Father's orders after all?</p>
<p>“Now, Gavriel!” roared Father.</p>
<p>Hovering in front of the golden being, a round orb sizzled then exploded from a lightning strike.</p>
<p>Terrible shrill shrieks pierced the electric air as the darkness gradually lessened, allowing more light to shine through. It wasn’t long before the world was cast gray and dull.</p>
<p>A snap later, and creation burst free, painting the world in a multitude of color and life.</p>
<p>Universes upon universes appeared.</p>
<p>Planets and stars dotted what once was nothing.</p>
<p>“Awesome, guys," Father rumbled in absolute glee. The brilliant white tendrils of Father's love brushed against their Graces tenderly in obvious gratefulness at their actions. "Now, that’s what I’m talking about. More days like this, and everything will be ready. Can you feel it? It’s going to be epic.”</p>
<p>Glittering golden rays dulled slightly, though. Its six beautiful wings lowered solemnly. For on its brother now was an angry mark, blemishing the beautiful reddish light forever. What had Gavriel done?</p>
<p>The scene flickered for a moment then as if something had changed the channel.</p>
<p>When the image returned, everything was different.</p>
<p>Where once had been never-ending beauty was now only a subdued grayish Hellscape.</p>
<p>Apocalypse World specifically.</p>
<p>“That’s your Uncle Gabe,” explained his older dick of a brother, forever marred by the Mark's ugliness.</p>
<p>“We, uh, sort of met,” murmured his nephew.</p>
<p>Sighing inwardly, Gabriel tossed the pebbles he had picked up with an utter look of annoyance. He kept his back to them, though, glancing upwards as if wishing someone upstairs would grant him something to escape this obvious trick of his older brother’s. However, as the silence grew, the unease in his nephew’s voice echoed inside him, causing his Grace to flinch guiltily. He wasn’t being fair to Jack. That much was clear. It wasn’t the kid’s fault Lucifer was a fucking douchecanoe. Just as it wasn’t Gabriel’s fault that Chuck sucked balls, too. He and Jack were similar in that regard at least.</p>
<p>“Let’s go say hi,” Lucifer stated quietly.</p>
<p>It took everything in the youngest archangel not to snap himself far from the approaching father-son duo. Truthfully, he only remained where he stood because he did sort of, well, <em>maybe</em> want a relationship with his nephew somewhere down the road. Maybe. It would be nice after all to have at least one family member who didn’t look down at him like he was a pathetic loner for his past choices. For obvious reasons, he didn’t count Cassie here.</p>
<p>“So, thing about Gabe—”</p>
<p>Oh, this was going to be rich. Gabriel slowly turned towards the approaching two.</p>
<p>“Class clown,” Lucifer remarked, pointing at him.</p>
<p>“And you’re an assclown ,” Gabriel shot back snarkily, feeling his Grace thrum to the surface. He reminded himself how it wouldn’t look good if he punched Lucifer in the face in front of his nephew regardless of how badly he wanted to currently. And, boy, did he want to right then.</p>
<p>His stupid older brother who lived to torture all started to exaggerate a laugh, forcing another smile. As if the two brothers didn’t hate one another these days.</p>
<p>“Ha. You hear that?” Lucifer feigned chuckling, turning towards Jack. “He’s such a cut-up. I mean, I can’t.” At Gabriel’s instant head turn and look of discomfort, the older brother sobered up a bit. “Yeah, uh, I guess your time with Asmodeus didn’t do you any favors,” he asked, his voice low, almost sounding as if he actually cared, “did it, bud?” </p>
<p>The towering iridescent golden wings ruffled indignantly from the plane where Gabriel kept them hid. Stupid dick. He didn’t care if his asshole big bro had resurrected—</p>
<p>“Well,” Gabriel drawled snappily, “my time with you was worse. You recall—” His head dipped to the side while more irritation leaked through.</p>
<p>“I, uh, recall nothing,” Lucifer cut in sharply, his voice sounding oddly panicky. “I don’t recall anything at all.” He shook his head, the smile nearly painful looking. “Happy endings. All good, happy endings,” he declared. As if that made it true. His eyes darted to Jack. “Uh, meet Gabriel, your uncle.”</p>
<p>“Hello,” Jack replied, holding up a hand awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Hello,” Gabriel retorted, whirling away as his traitorous Grace reached out to his nephew involuntarily. With Jack’s innocent action, the youngest archangel instantly was reminded of another blue-eyed angel. The longer they talked, in fact, the more he could see Cassie’s influences. Good. His little brother would keep their nephew safe from Lucifer’s poison, but more importantly Cassie would love the kid as Jack deserved. Maybe his nephew had a chance after all.</p>
<p>“So, I was just, uh, shaking up the old family tree for, uh, young Jack here,” Lucifer called after him, unfortunately following close behind as Gabriel attempted to leave. “You know, talking about the good old days. How tough Pop was.” He slapped his hand against Gabriel’s bicep playfully. “Right, G?”</p>
<p>G? Was his idiot for a brother for real right then? G? As if they were best bros. Gabriel’s head turned towards Lucifer, resisting the temptation of his Grace to send his dumbass dick of a big brother flying into one of the many rusted out pieces of junk cars. G.</p>
<p>“I mean, we—we butted heads a lot you know," Lucifer stammered. "But, uh, you now, I think—I think, in hindsight, I should’ve given Him some slack—”</p>
<p>Gabriel stopped short instantly, bringing his right hand up to cover his face. His Grace now simmered inside, singing its anger and annoyance. Of all the stupid lies and idiotic ramblings he had ever heard come out of that dumbass’s mouth, this one took the cake. He scoffed, reminding himself for the hundredth time that no matter how badly Lucifer fucking deserved it, Gabriel could not beat the shit out of the self-righteous jackass if he wanted any kind of relationship with his nephew. He needed to remain in control—physically at least. Verbally, though? All bets were off.</p>
<p>“—cause, he’s, uh . . . you know, being a dad is tough," Lucifer stated lamely.</p>
<p>“Okay, you think <em>Dad</em> was the ‘bad guy,’ and <em>you</em> were a victim?” Gabriel threw back, squaring his shoulders as he prepared himself for Lucifer’s indubitable temper tantrum that would result from the harsh truths being doled out currently. “You <em>were not</em> a victim.” He glanced at his nephew when he caught Jack's confusion. Yep. Just like old times again. Except instead of arguing in front of Castiel, the two older brothers were arguing in front of poor Jack. “That was just your excuse,” he muttered, turning away. He was so done with that asshole’s bullshit.</p>
<p>“My excuse for <em>what</em>?”</p>
<p>“For it all, Lucifer,” he remarked over his shoulder as he put as much distance as he could between him and the asshole he used to love more than anything. “For it all.”</p>
<p>Where had it all gone wrong with his family? Honestly? He wasn’t certain anymore.</p>
<p>Maybe when Lucifer had taken the Mark to keep the Darkness locked up, but the wrongness was likely even before that.</p>
<p>The Mark only amplified what was already inside Lucifer, feeding his big brother's hatred for mankind like a Gremlin after midnight. Gabriel wished it weren’t like this. He hated this. It made him doubt his memories from when he worshiped the ground Luci walked on, loved the asshole with all his Grace.</p>
<p>Now, Gabriel looked at Lucifer and only saw the parasitic monster inside. Where there once was love now was complete disdain.</p>
<p>It was his own fault, he supposed.</p>
<p>Everything had a cost.</p>
<p>And weren’t they all paying for their egos now?</p>
<p>They’d be lucky if they all came out of it unscathed this time. He figured he’d be fine. Now that Sam was upright again that was. The others? Well, jury was still out for now. He’d stick with this plaid family, though, the one who accepted him when his own turned their backs. And maybe, just maybe—</p>
<p>Everything went black again, vanishing for a brief second before another scene flickered in its place.</p>
<p>Amber eyes narrowed in confusion as Gabriel glanced around.</p>
<p>This wasn’t right. He couldn’t explain it, but something was different. Something was out of place. He couldn’t put his finger on it, though.</p>
<p>“Hello, Gabriel.”</p>
<p>His eyes widened when he heard the familiar low, sultry female voice approaching from behind. He whirled around, frowning at no one being there.</p>
<p>“Kali?” His eyes darted around the empty room, pausing when he saw a silver framed photo on a nearby shelf. He picked it up slowly, staring at the photo he knew had never been taken before. “What the hell?”</p>
<p>No. This wasn’t right.</p>
<p>Was he dreaming?</p>
<p>But that was impossible.</p>
<p>Angels, especially archangels, didn’t dream. They didn’t sleep. And they most certainly didn’t daydream about happy endings. That was a human thing. One of the many perks in fact he was jealous of them for having.</p>
<p>He stared harder at the photo in his hands. It was a wedding picture of him and— But that was insane, though. He never married. Never had kids. He had considered settling down once, sure, but that was a lifetime ago and had ended in heartbreak. Like always for him.</p>
<p>His surroundings flickered again, altering this time into a place he swore would haunt him to his last day. He stepped back, his Grace shriveling as if doused with buckets of cold water. Hand flying to his chest, he felt the familiar ache roar back to life. <em>No . . .</em> anything but this memory. He rubbed at the pain threatening to tear him apart.</p>
<p>“I know what you did,” murmured Lucifer, singing the words near Gabriel’s ear as they continued down the dirt path of the grayed, burned out forest in Apocalypse World. “Nearly couldn’t save him because of it too.” A low chuckle then ghosted over him. “Oh, little brother of mine, what are we going to do with you? You know how this ends." Lucifer gave a quiet, somber sigh. "The same way it always does. So, why would you put yourself through that heartbreak again, huh? For <em>that</em>?”</p>
<p>Gabriel whirled around, murderous. His blood sizzled with indescribable rage. However, instead of finding his asshole of a big brother, he found only blackness, emptiness. His head tilted slightly before he walked towards the dark, empty space, his anger simmering to give way to his natural curiosity.</p>
<p>“Yeah? Were you working on that?” an amused voice laughed on Gabriel’s left.</p>
<p>“Sam!” he called out, glancing around the darkness. Where was that damn moose of his hiding? “Sam!” he shouted again, hearing his voice echo out into the infinite blackness. He took a few more steps, doubling over not long after as a flash of pain flared up inside again. He let out a choked groan, rubbing harder on his sternum. The pain was getting harder to ignore.</p>
<p>“I thought I was perfectly clear earlier, Gabriel,” hissed his ex-lover's voice in the darkness again seemingly out of nowhere.</p>
<p>“Kali?” he whispered, extremely puzzled by all of this.</p>
<p>He didn’t see her, though. Where was she hiding now?</p>
<p>“I have all the children I need," she declared coldly. "Why then would I want to bear yours?”</p>
<p>He then saw her for a brief second before she was gone again. Another blast from the past came and went.</p>
<p>“Kali!” he yelled out in the darkness, whirling back towards where the room had been. More black empty space greeted him, though. He was surrounded by emptiness, nothingness.</p>
<p>Bringing his strong, towering golden wings forward into the current plane, he allowed his Grace to the surface briefly, effectively becoming a night light, hoping to whomever would listen that no humans were around. He needed more light to figure this out. However, his golden high beams of pure Grace went no further than himself unfortunately. All he saw was dark emptiness.</p>
<p>“Gabriel, Gabriel, my boy,” chuckled a voice Gabriel believed he'd never hear ever again. He’d know that stupid accent anywhere, though.</p>
<p>“Asmadouche!” he snarled, his wings instantly flaring out wildly. He couldn’t see the asshole, but that didn’t mean anything. It wouldn’t be the first time Colonel Knockoff had used this trick, making Gabriel think he had escaped. It had taken Sam to help break the cycle of what was real and what wasn’t. But what if that memory was only a dream too? What if Gabriel had never left Hell? No! No, he had. He knew he had. He had gotten back somehow to Sam. He was working on fixing things between them, of redeeming himself entirely for all his mistakes.</p>
<p>“Now, where do you think you’re going, hmm?”</p>
<p>“Fuck off, asshole!” Gabriel snarled back, ready to kill the damned jackass again. He'd make the asshole's death more painful this time, enjoy it more too.</p>
<p>“Oh, I wouldn’t if I were you, boy. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to your—”</p>
<p>“Gabriel!” Sam’s voice interrupted unexpectedly beside him, drowning out Asmodeus. “Please!”</p>
<p>“Sam!” Gabriel shouted back, his eyes combing through the darkness on his left frantically. Why couldn’t he see him? He was certain Sam had been right there.</p>
<p>“Please be a trick. Please,” quivered Sam brokenly in the emptiness. “You can’t be dead, not now. Please, Gabe. <em>Please . . .</em>”</p>
<p>At that precise moment, the archangel fell to his knees, screaming as his Grace openly rebelled. It was as if it was ripping itself out of him. Which, he supposed, was exactly what was happening here.</p>
<p>“I love you. All right!” Sam shouted from somewhere in the darkness on Gabriel’s left. “Happy now, asshole? You win!” Sam’s breath shook as loud sniffles rippled like thunder through the blackness. “Just come back. Just snap your damn fingers and come back! Please! Please, Gabe! <em>I need you!</em>”</p>
<p>The archangel curled in on himself as he felt his Grace seize inside. It was clawing itself to the surface quicker than he could shove it back.</p>
<p>No! No! This couldn’t be happening.</p>
<p>“Gabriel, you need to tell him,” Castiel sighed quietly somewhere out in the emptiness.</p>
<p>“Oh?” Memory!Gabriel scoffed back in the darkness. “Like you told Dean-o over there about your Profound Bond you two share? Huh?” Irritation filtered into Memory!Gabriel’s voice. “Just drop it, will you? It’s fine.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not. You must know if it—”</p>
<p>For a brief second, Gabriel saw the memory of him and Castiel arguing in Apocalypse World. The mirage fizzled out, though, not long after, plunging him back into darkness and agony. The pain he felt was at least four times worse than any of Asmodeus’s daily torture rituals in Hell.</p>
<p>“He’ll live,” interrupted his memory counterpart.</p>
<p>“And you?”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it, kiddo. I’ve survived worse than this.”</p>
<p>“Well, well, well,” Loki chuckled, adding his voice to the fray. “So much for witness protection. And here I thought the Great Archangel Gabriel didn’t tie himself down to anything.”</p>
<p>Gabriel curled in on himself as he felt skin open in spots. He was helpless. Powerless. Weak.</p>
<p>“Maybe I should go and pretend to be you this time,” remarked Loki dryly. “Cozy up to <em>your</em> lovers. Wouldn’t that just be wonderful?”</p>
<p>“Go to hell, asshole,” Memory!Gabriel snarled as real Gabriel let out a choked out cry.</p>
<p>“Oh, I think you’re well on your way already yourself. Aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Humans?” Lucifer scoffed in the bleakness, adding his voice again to the mix. Another memory had taken over. “You’d align yourself with them instead of me?! Truly? Your own flesh and blood—er—light and stuff? Really? Wow. You think you know a guy.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel,” a gentle voice breathed. Apocalypse World!Michael now.  “Look at you. Finally standing up and fighting. I’m impressed,” he stated. “<em>My</em> Gabriel never did, but then he never—”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Sam’s voice interrupted from his left side. The hunter sounded oddly concerned. “How are you feeling? Now that you—”</p>
<p>Gabriel’s Grace stretched itself instinctively out, seeping through the alarming cracks to his vessel. His Grace was trying to find Sam in the emptiness. It needed to find the hunter to assure itself that his human was alive and safe.</p>
<p>“Got my sweet, sweet vengeance on?” Memory!Gabriel replied dryly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Swell, Sam,” replied his past self, his voice forced to hold back how he really felt inside. “I’m a whole new guy.”</p>
<p>Gabriel shuddered, curled tightly into a fetal position now. There wasn’t a single part of him that didn’t feel like a pack of his brother’s rabid Hellhounds had dragged him to Hell.</p>
<p>“So, which one are you,” cut in Sam as another memory interrupted without warning. “Grumpy, Sneezy, or Douchey?”</p>
<p>“Gabriel, okay?” Memory!Gabriel answered. “They call me Gabriel.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel,” Sam repeated flatly from his left, “<em>the archangel</em>?”</p>
<p>The youngest of Heaven's most fiercest warriors stifled his cries, his Grace leaking out even faster now. His pain grew rapidly as his Grace tore through his vessel, ripping and shredding it in its frantic longing.</p>
<p>“This ends one of two ways,” Lucifer purred, obviously pleased with himself. “Pain and more pain. You know that, little brother of mine.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel, you need to tell Sam,” Cas pleaded, drowning out Lucifer. “He deserves to know.”</p>
<p>“No, Cassie. He doesn’t,” Memory!Gabriel stated, clearly annoyed. “So just drop it.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel—”</p>
<p>“It was a mistake, all right? That’s it. A stupid mistake. Doesn’t mean a damn thing. So, drop it!”</p>
<p>Except as Gabriel writhed and cried out his pain shredding him inside, he knew that was a lie. He had always known what he had done meant the world and was monumental.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t, though!” his little brother argued. “You care for him deeply. Why won’t you tell him? He’d understand.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, probably,” remarked his memory self. “Dumb ol’ lumberjacked moose has a heart like yours, but it doesn’t matter.” Yet another lie pounded into his coffin.</p>
<p>“Why not?” the seraph challenged. “Why do you believe that for the first time in your life—”</p>
<p>“Drop it! Now!”</p>
<p>“No! You care for him, Gabriel!” A disbelieving scoff echoed around the darkness. “Mistake or not, you must tell him. He deserves to know the truth.”</p>
<p>“Deserves? Sure. Yeah, I’ll give you that one,” his past self snapped. “But it’s a moot point because he’s not going to learn about this ever. I mean, honestly, Cas, what part of ‘It was a mistake’ do you not get here?”</p>
<p>“You know as well as I—”</p>
<p>“Oh, here we go! Mister Relationship Expert with all the damn answers!”</p>
<p>“You’re afraid. That’s what this is, isn’t it?” Cas’s voice dropped to a somber, remorseful whisper. “I assure you Sam is—”</p>
<p>“Castiel, I’m begging you. <em>Drop it.</em>” Memory!Gabriel’s voice then turned deadly. “Or I’ll snap my fingers here, and your pretty boy toy Dean-o over there, it’ll be like he never existed, kiddo. Get me?”</p>
<p>“Sam wouldn’t reject—”</p>
<p>A harsh snap reverberated violently around, bouncing left and right as if in an echo chamber. It wasn’t real, though. He knew that. Gabriel hadn’t snapped then. So, the snap was from some other memory.</p>
<p>Howling now as his Grace finally tore itself out, Gabriel felt every ounce of eternal pain detonate inside. No matter how loud he screamed his cries, the unrelenting agony continued, pulling him apart.</p>
<p><em>“Gabe . . .”</em> Sam chanted softly in the whimpering broken archangel’s mind. <em>“I’m sorry.”</em> His sweet human's voice sounded completely wrecked. Deep, raspy breaths gasped for air not coming past the sounds of sickening gurgles. <em>“I’m so sorry . . .”</em></p>
<p>Gabriel curled in on himself more, trying desperately to escape the throbbing torture. Just wanting it all to end.</p>
<p>“I went from one regret to the next,” interrupted Castiel, drawing Gabriel back just a bit from his torment. “Each one played over and over like shows on infinite loops. And then, I have no answer what happened except that I woke alone. Darkness was all around me. It was as if someone had removed all light. That’s what awaits us when we—”</p>
<p><em>“I wish . . . wish we’d had . . . more time,”</em> coughed Sam, his breaths turning more ragged. His voice was no longer on Gabriel’s left. It was inside the archangel as if he was being prayed to. <em>“But . . . it was you, asshole.”</em> The quiet, weary laugh sounded absolutely heartbreaking. <em>“It was . . . always you . . .”</em> Sam drew in another death rattling gasp. <em>“See . . . soon in . . . in the . . . the Empty.”</em></p>
<p>Empty?</p>
<p>Gabriel’s eyes then widened, a jolt pulling him out of his agony briefly.</p>
<p>Wait—</p>
<p>“All I did on Earth was run,” stated Memory!Gabriel, his shoulders squared. “I’m not running anymore.”</p>
<p>The darkness around flickered briefly again. He blinked warily, noticing the memory from Apocalypse World glitching in and then out like a panoramic TV on the fritz.</p>
<p>“GO!” Memory!Gabriel shouted in the darkness, his voice commanding and powerful as it used to be before he had been battered down by Father’s shitty story.</p>
<p>He saw AW!Michael’s face in a flash before a sudden piercing pain stabbed through his midsection, causing his Grace to pool outside his body rapidly.</p>
<p>“He’s dying,” another voice hummed softly in the darkness. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.” Its voice, while low and gentle, dripped absolute wickedness and depravity.</p>
<p>Exhausted from the pain, Gabriel started to let go. To submit.</p>
<p>He had fought so long already. He had nothing left.</p>
<p>His brothers were right. He was weak.</p>
<p>Pathetic.</p>
<p>A coward.</p>
<p>And he should’ve told Sam the truth like Cassie had pleaded.</p>
<p>He should’ve fought like hell to try at least.</p>
<p>“So, come now, little archangel. Just close your eyes,” crooned the sinister voice. “That’s a good boy. Yes. Just sleep. Rest. Your beloved Sam will be along soon enough, and you can sleep together for all of eternity then. Shh. Just rest.”</p>
<p>Sam!</p>
<p>All at once, as if someone had flipped a switch, Gabriel felt his entire body reboot.</p>
<p>Sam!</p>
<p>He pushed past the burning white-hot pain suffocating him, coiled around like a python.</p>
<p>No . . .</p>
<p>Sam! Not Sam! Sam deserved to live! Sam deserved peace! Sam!</p>
<p>“No!” the sinister voice snarled. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>Gabriel fought like hell, finding strength he didn’t know from where but held onto it like a cowboy on a bucking bronco.</p>
<p>“Stop it!”</p>
<p>Yeah, fuck that!</p>
<p>Gabriel’s six, beautiful, towering wings unfurled, stretching wide and far. It hurt like hell, but he did it somehow. With every single drop of Grace he had, his iridescent golden appendages shimmered and glowed hotter and brighter than all the stars and suns his deadbeat dad had ever created across the multi-universes. As his strength returned, he shoved more of the agonizing pain aside, locking it behind every wall he could create.</p>
<p>He should’ve known.</p>
<p>The signs were always there.</p>
<p>“Stop it! Sleep, you insignificant fool!” hissed the voice. “Sleep, damn it!”</p>
<p>“You think,” Gabriel growled, eyes glittering gold with sparks of fury underneath, “my little bro was annoying?” His chuckle from deep within rumbled darkly. “Oh, buck-o, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”</p>
<p>“No! No! NO!” it shrieked.</p>
<p>“I am the archangel Fucking Gabriel, dumbass! Annoying little shit is my middle name.”</p>
<p>Like hell was the Empty taking Sam. Gabriel's Grace powered up, knitting his vessel back together and sealing the cracks from earlier somehow. As more Grace returned, so did his power from within.</p>
<p>“This . . . no . . . no. Not again!” the entity groaned. “Why won’t you sleep!” it whined before it snarled like a rabid dog. “Why must you and your bratty brother always ruin things?”</p>
<p>“Because, dumbass,” Gabriel snarled downright feral “we’ve got something you don’t.”</p>
<p>“No. No! You will sleep!” it hissed. “You will—”</p>
<p>Gabriel’s fingers snapped, creating out of nothing a million kazoos.</p>
<p>“What?” The entity flickered in, finally showing itself. It wore a replica of Chuck’s vessel. “What is this?” it demanded. Its lifeless eyes darted about crazily, puzzled by the colorful objects.</p>
<p>Smirking, Gabriel shrugged, feigning innocence. Dad would have known. Beautiful golden eyes with flecks of what could only be described as white-hot bolts of lightning inside flashed violently with pure primordial power. He stared coldly back at the visage of his father.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” it cried, jerking its head like a robot on the fritz.</p>
<p>“Me?” he drawled, holding his hands up as if he hadn’t a care in the world.</p>
<p>“Name your terms, archangel!” it snarled.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t have any,” replied Gabriel, his smirk turning into a sneer. “You see, I don’t like bullies. Never have. Frankly, reminds me too much of my older brothers. And you, dickhead?” He forced a low, dark chuckle as he stepped forward. “Oh, you’re the biggest one I’ve come across in a long time.”</p>
<p>It growled, clenching its jaw in reply.</p>
<p>“You forget, little one,” it mocked. “I’ve been inside your head.” It sneered, reminding Gabriel more and more of Dad. “I know what you did.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? Kudos to you.” He didn’t rise to the bait, having eons of experience thanks to his brothers. “Let’s wake up the rest of my fam then and have a good ol’ fashioned—”</p>
<p>“NO!” it warbled. “No! I will not—”</p>
<p>Gabriel’s fingers snapped, though. All at once, all the kazoos he had created blew, amplified by emptiness of desolate darkness.</p>
<p>The Empty shrieked. Its screams drowned out by kazoos blasting.</p>
<p>“Yeah, see, I think we can do better than that, hmm?” taunted Gabriel, using his Grace to amplify the noise even more. He wasn’t strong enough to snap himself out of the Empty’s hold, but he could sure as hell torture the fuck out of it. An eye for an eye—and all that. Anything to keep Sam safe, alive.</p>
<p>“Fine!” it roared, throwing its inky black arm out at him. “You want to be with your precious human so bad? You can watch him die then!”</p>
<p>“You first!” bellowed the youngest of four, sending a concentrated bolt of crackling Grace at it.</p>
<p>“NO!”</p>
<p>The second his Grace bolt, for the lack of a better term, hit the entity known as the Empty, a powerful, rippling shock wave sent Gabriel hurtling backwards from the facade of his father into the infinite emptiness. He kept falling and falling and falling. His body tumbled end over end in an eternal spin cycle. And then just when he was convinced he’d fall forever, he slammed through a side, puncturing a hole into the darkness and falling into a familiar dimension.</p>
<p>The resistance against his wings as he fell tore at the muscles and bone.</p>
<p>He screamed out his pain.</p>
<p>Sam.</p>
<p>He had to get to Sam.</p>
<p>To make sure.</p>
<p>To keep him safe.</p>
<p>To protect him.</p>
<p>To make it right.</p>
<p>To do what he should have done long ago.</p>
<p>To fix what he broke.</p>
<p>Luckily, Gabriel was able to snap his fingers, hoping it’d work and not go to shit like usual.</p>
<p>A second later, he crashed through a roof, tumbling hard and rolling through hay before finally coming to rest against an old, worn-out John Deere tractor that now had a very large archangel-sized dent in its side. He coughed, groaning before he snapped again to remove the dent and repair the roof before anyone took notice.</p>
<p>Sam.</p>
<p>Where was Sam?</p>
<p>He shook his head, slowly pushing himself up to his feet while ignoring how gravely injured he was. He’d deal with that nonsense later. Right now, his main concern was his Sam.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes, he drew in a rasping breath, concentrating on following—</p>
<p>
  <strong>There!</strong>
</p>
<p>Gabriel snapped again, blipping out of the barn in remote upper Michigan.</p>
<p>A second later, he reappeared outside on a quiet two-way street in a small town in northeastern Oregon. Amber eyes darted around frantically, pausing for a moment when he saw the two motionless bodies near the back of a familiar black ‘67 Impala. He could hear Dean’s heartbeat faintly. So, he turned away, brushing aside his unease and guilt for abandoning the two. Dean wasn’t his concern, though. He was Cassie’s.</p>
<p>It took another moment, but then he felt the familiar tug to his Grace.</p>
<p>Sam!</p>
<p>Whirling away from the building he had appeared in front of that had a large sign that said M. Crow, he sprinted—or tried to at least—to a nearby building. When he opened the front door to the abandoned house, he ripped it clean off its hinges, tossing it aside a moment later. He ignored the foul stench of blood and filth that assaulted him and pushed forward, deeper inside. He followed the pull to his Grace until he finally found Sam with head slumped on shoulder propped up against a bookcase.</p>
<p>“Sam?”</p>
<p>Gabriel knelt in front of his human, hesitantly reaching out to the bloodied hunter. His fingers lightly skimmed Sam’s badly torn neck, trying to heal the critical injuries.</p>
<p>His diminished Grace vibrated in his fingertips, seeping inside the silent hunter.</p>
<p>It was too late, however.</p>
<p>“Sam,” he breathed, his voice cracking, “wake up . . .”</p>
<p>It was a moot point, though. He was pleading a dying case here.</p>
<p>The sheer amount of blood alone . . .</p>
<p>It soaked through Gabriel's jeans.</p>
<p>No!</p>
<p>
  <em>No . . . </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Not like this.</em>
</p>
<p>He pulled his brave hunter, his sweet mortal into his arms, holding him tightly.</p>
<p>He felt the ache in his chest grow as the coldness spread further into Sam.</p>
<p>Their cheeks were flush against one another, Gabriel’s tears streaming down Sam’s face.</p>
<p>Amber eyes stared numbly ahead as if nothing else mattered anymore. Because it didn't.</p>
<p>He turned his head after a moment, kissing Sam’s cheek affectionately while he stifled the terrible sobs threatening to destroy him.</p>
<p>His eyes then turned upwards to the ceiling, doing something he swore he’d never do.</p>
<p>But if it brought Sam back, then . . .</p>
<p>Hell, he’d make a demon deal and sell his Grace if he thought it’d work at this point. He didn’t care.</p>
<p><em>“Brothers, sisters, please,”</em> he prayed, hoping they were listening. <em>“I can’t . . . I’m not strong enough.”</em> Again. Just like last time when the weird AW!Vampires had torn into Sam like a steak, and Gabriel had been too shocked to do anything to save the one who mattered the most. His voice shook. It was just like last time. Only this time, Lucifer wouldn't get her in time to save Sam. <em>“I’ll do anything. Please . . .”</em> he pleaded through his tears.</p>
<p>When he heard nothing but silence after another moment, he closed his eyes, tongue running bitterly over his lips.</p>
<p>Bastards!</p>
<p>He cradled his beautiful Samshine even closer, ignoring the thick crimson staining their clothes.</p>
<p>Well, fuck them then. He could do this. He was a goddamn archangel for fuck's sake.</p>
<p>His hand snaked up Sam’s neck, turning the hunter’s head towards his.</p>
<p>It was blasphemous to consider even.</p>
<p>A downright sin to do.</p>
<p>He didn’t have a better plan, though.</p>
<p>And if his fucking deadbeat father had anything to say about it, well, Gabriel sure as fuck had a few things to say right the hell back to that asshole! That was for damn sure!</p>
<p>This was not how Sam's story would end. Over Gabriel's broken Grace would this be how their story ended.</p>
<p>His hand gently cupped his hunter's head tenderly as his other ripped open the bloody dark jacket.</p>
<p>Moments later, his lips sealed over the cold, lifeless ones of his sweet Sam. Gabriel then exhaled, the bluish ethereal Grace rushing inside his love. Oh, he had no doubt there were cries of outrage happening in Heaven now, but he didn’t give a crap about that. Screw them and their high horse they rode in on too.</p>
<p>Directly above where Sam’s heart had once beat, Gabriel drew the forbidden sigils that would complete the transference. He ignored how he used the still warm blood as he drew the marks.</p>
<p>Exhaling again, he offered even more Grace.</p>
<p>A few seconds later, a weak chuckle fell from his lips when he felt the responding tender brush of Sam’s strengthening soul. There was the man Gabriel loved more than anything. His Grace lovingly caressed back, weaving itself with Sam's soul warmly as if embracing.</p>
<p>It may have been a mistake a decade ago. But if his accidental bond saved Sam now, then Gabriel would do it all over again. Always.</p>
<p>His fingers lightly traced the last symbol, <em>his</em> sigil, something no other but Gabriel and Deadbeat Chuck knew.</p>
<p>He exhaled one last time, sending the last of his Grace, his life force. His life for Sam’s rebirth.</p>
<p>Every single sigil drawn onto Sam's bare chest then glowed, signaling the spell’s activation.</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you, Sam. I’ve always loved you.</em>
</p><hr/>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The above are two of the three beautiful pics Corvu-ss made for this fic. Aren't they wonderful?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. With Pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a chair squeaked and followed a quiet, annoyed hiss behind him, Gabriel’s eyes hesitantly fluttered open. He wasn’t quite certain what he was going to wake up to, but he felt . . . semi safe at least to look. A moment passed, resting on his side, he eventually realized the light tan walls directly in front of him meant he was inside one of the rooms in the Men of Letters bunker. In fact, he could be wrong, but he was fairly confident this had been his room after the whole Asmodeus debacle. The room just had a new coat of paint it seemed.</p><p>He wasn’t certain who was sitting in the chair behind him, but he didn’t necessarily care either. He rolled over onto his back, craning his neck and ignoring the slight hint of pain that flickered at that.</p><p>“Gabriel.” The young, messy-haired seraph leaned forward in his chair where he had been reading something, quickly setting the book aside onto the nightstand. “You’re awake.”</p><p>“Sam . . .” he croaked, though, his voice rough like broken beer bottles on a sandy beach.</p><p>“Is alive,” finished his brother, blue eyes softening instantly. “He’s in his room, resting.”</p><p>Gabriel sighed in relief, glancing upwards and leaning back against the soft pillow under his head. Thank all that was holy for that. He then rolled his head back. “I take it that Dean’s all right, too?”</p><p>“Yes. He’s well.” The little smile was always so damning on the poor kiddo. His little bro was so damn smitten, not that Gabriel necessarily had any room to talk. Damn Winchesters and their sexy flannels and tight jeans.</p><p>“Good.” He turned his head back to glance at the ceiling. He meant it too. Cas deserved some good in his life. “So, when should I expect the rest of the family?” When the seraph didn’t answer, he turned back to glance at him. “Cas, you know what I did.”</p><p>“You offered your Grace to save Sam.”</p><p>He snorted at the overly simplified answer. Leave it to Little Bro to summarize it so neatly. “Oh, kiddo.” He shook his head and sighed deeply. “You know as well as I what I did was—”</p><p>“Necessary,” Cas interrupted firmly. “And that is all that matters in the end.”</p><p>“Wow.” He whistled back, smiling lightly. “What happened to my little brother who was Mister Stick-Up-His-Ass-Rule-Follower, hmm?”</p><p>“Fell for a rebellious, smart-mouthed Winchester, it’d seem.”</p><p>Gabriel snorted before he groaned with a flinch and rubbed his side where he felt the sharp ache.</p><p>“I should bring you some food.” Cas moved to rise, pausing when Gabriel grabbed his wrist.</p><p>“If you’re protecting me . . .”</p><p>“As if you need protecting,” his brother retorted dryly.</p><p>The words slipped past before Gabriel could stop them. “Sometimes I do,” he admitted. “I’m just shit at asking unfortunately.”</p><p>Cas blinked in surprise, tilting his head before he squinted.</p><p>“Ignore that,” Gabriel sighed, releasing his brother’s wrist. He hadn’t meant to say that. Stupid pain making him honest. “Now, you said something about food?”</p><p>The seraph’s mouth opened before he nodded sharply, clearly deciding to respect his wishes and drop it for now. “Yes.” Cas cleared his throat quietly and forced an uneasy smile. “We weren’t certain what foods you’d be able to tolerate, so Dean made a buffet large enough to feed the navy.”</p><p>“What?” The former archangel laughed loudly, shaking his head. Years with humans and his brother still somehow messed up idioms hilariously. Navy, army—same thing clearly in Cas’s mind.</p><p>His brother lowered his voice, leaning closer conspiratorially. “He’s been worried about Sam, so he’s been stress cooking. According to Jody, I shouldn’t be worried and just allow him this.”</p><p>Gabriel smiled knowingly, nodding. “Did he make any rice and maybe some fish by chance?”</p><p>“I believe so.” His brother then nodded firmly. “Yes. I recall there was some.”</p><p>“Then, we’ll try that for now. It’s what I had the last time my Grace levels were low.”</p><p>Cas’s eyes dropped instantly.</p><p>“Hey, no. None of that,” Gabriel rebuked with an annoyed sigh. “I’m fine. I did this to myself. I’ll be fine.” As long as Sam was alive, he’d get through this somehow.</p><p>“You gave up your Grace, though. You can never get it back this time.”</p><p>“Yep.” And considering that action resurrected Sam, he’d pay it every time. He was just glad he had the chance to see Sam alive again. “And you and I both know there are worse things than being human, kiddo. Way worse.” Like a world without a certain tall, handsome, perfect hair Winchester.</p><p>He moved to roll out of bed, groaning and rolling back to the headboard when more spikes of shooting pain raced up his back. Actually, on second thought, maybe he’d just have lunch in bed. He raised a brow when he caught the somber cerulean.</p><p>“Don’t make me get out of this bed, brat, and kick your ass,” he grumbled. “Go. I’ll be fine by myself for a few minutes.”</p><p>“Are you certain?”</p><p>“Positive. Now, go,” he ordered, snapping his fingers. When he didn’t feel the familiar thrum of Grace, he forced himself not to react, knowing his bleeding-heart little brother was watching very closely for any signs of alarm. “I’ll be fine. Honest.”</p><p>With a deep frown and obvious doubt etched into his face, Cas turned away and left a moment later, closing the door partly shut behind him.</p><p>The second he disappeared, Gabriel let out a heavy sigh, bringing his hands up to cover his face.</p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>At the sounds of wings flapping in a second later, he let his head fall back against the wall and groaned loudly.</p><p>“Double fuck!”</p><p>“Must you always use such vulgarities?” scolded a stern voice.</p><p>He didn’t need his Grace to recognize that dick. Of course it’d be <em>him</em>. Of course it would. Who else would it be?</p><p>“No, but it certainly does piss you off, doesn’t it,” Gabriel stated dryly, lowering his hands. “Hey, big bro.” He glanced around the room. “What? Rest of the fam’ couldn’t make it for this? Getting their wings groomed or something?” he snarked, reminded by their last meeting eons ago.</p><p>“Gabriel.”</p><p>“Michael.”</p><p>His older brother sighed heavily then, eyes glowing with Grace for a brief moment.</p><p>“Hey. So, um, hi,” another voice from his brother’s vessel spoke with much less anger. <em>Ah.</em> The young man forced an awkward, polite smile. “I’m Adam. Your brother and I, well, you know.”</p><p>“You’re his vessel.”</p><p>“Yes. Exactly. That. And, as I’m sure you can tell, he’s a little pissed with you right now.”</p><p>“When isn’t he?” Gabriel retorted, glancing upwards. His head already hurt with this.</p><p>“He wanted to talk with you.”</p><p>“Probably lecture me about what a stupid thing I did.” How he had likely changed Sam’s Fate. How the entire world was in peril now because of his recklessness. Gabriel could almost recite the lecture by heart nowadays.</p><p>“He doesn’t think that,” argued Adam.</p><p>“Nice try, kid, but I know my brother a little bit better than you.”</p><p>“No, I’m serious. He doesn’t think that.” Adam took a step closer, pausing when amber eyes sharply darted to him and openly glared. “He understands why you did what you did. And I do too. He’s been pleading your case to the rest up there. I mean, Jack’s okay with it, and, ultimately, it’s his decision, but the others? Kind of hardliners.”</p><p>“Awesome.” Gabriel bounced his head off the headboard lightly, wishing this torture would end sometime soon, or at the very least Cas would return with food. He made a face when his stomach growled loudly. That was already getting seriously annoying.</p><p>“However, you know, you do have something working in your favor here. I keep pointing that out to Michael, but he doesn’t see what difference it makes.”</p><p>Gabriel glanced at his brother's vessel. “Well, spit it out.”</p><p>“You destroyed the Empty.”</p><p>“Which means I pretty much killed all our brothers and sisters and everyone else too.” <em>Cool beans.</em></p><p>“But you didn’t.”</p><p>Soulful whiskey eyes flicked over to Adam. “Come again?”</p><p>“You didn’t kill all of them. When you destroyed the Empty and escaped, you left a gaping hole. I mean, sure, you left a hell of a mess for everyone to clean up now from what I can tell, but somehow you managed to bring some of them back with you.”</p><p>“I did <em>what</em>?”</p><p>Oh, this wasn’t good. Some of those assholes deserved to be locked in the Empty.</p><p>“It’s a good thing!”</p><p>“A good thing?!” cried Gabriel, his eyes widening. “Michael! Get your ass back here now before I snap your vessel’s neck!” His nostrils flared when he caught Adam’s eyes glowing with Grace. “How many?” he demanded. “How many are back?”</p><p>“Enough.”</p><p>“What the hell does that mean?”</p><p>“It means enough to maintain Heaven’s power.”</p><p>“That’s not what I’m asking, dumbass.” As if he gave two shits about Heaven right now.</p><p>“Gabriel—” his brother sighed, slowly reaching for Gabriel’s shoulder.</p><p>The youngest of four wrenched back, though. “No. I want to know. You and the others probably have done your inspection by now, so come on. Which assholes did I bring back that’s going to try to end the world this time?” That the boys are going to have to clean up his mess yet again.</p><p>“None.”</p><p>“Bullshit.”</p><p>Michael sighed heavily. “Samandriel is back. As is Joshua. Gadreel as well. Metatron, Inias, Rachel, Benjamin, Ezekiel, and a handful of others.” He then groaned quietly. “And Balthazar naturally. Though, he’s refusing to return to Heaven and currently telling us all where the hell we can go. However, Jack has a plan to deal with that he's presently not sharing.”</p><p>Gabriel frowned. “That’s it?”</p><p>“That’s all.”</p><p>Okay. So, that wasn’t too many of his dead brethren back to life. Plus, they all seemed rather pro-humanity leaning, so not as bad as that could have been.</p><p>“What about the demons?”</p><p>This is where he’d be fucked over. He was sure of it.</p><p>“Meg and Crowley. That’s all. It was sealed shortly after they slipped through.”</p><p>“So, then, I didn’t screw up?” He searched his brother’s face. “Luci and Ralphie aren’t back?”</p><p>Michael stared at him blankly for a moment before he shook his head. “No, Gabriel.”</p><p>With his eyes downcast, he drew in a deep breath as his fingers slid through his wavy sandy locks. He hadn’t messed up this time. He hadn’t made matters worse like so many times before. No one would have to fix his mistakes this time. No one would die because of it. Everything would be . . .</p><p>“Brother,” murmured his older sibling, clearly at a loss.</p><p>Gabriel waved him away, though, trying to force a smile that wouldn’t reach his face. When he felt more of the carefully created mask fall after having worn it for so long, he brought his legs up to his chest and pressed his forehead against his knees to hide himself. He did good for once. He let out a choked laugh, shaking his head forcefully to his left.</p><p>“Stupid . . . human . . . emotions,” he muttered shakily, desperate to push it all away again and not feel. His Grace had always helped during these times when he’d lose emotional control. When an arm wrapped around him a moment later, he squeezed his eyes even tighter to keep the traitorous tears away just a little bit longer. To delay the inevitable. The deep ache inside he’d felt for so long returned.</p><p>“Oh, little brother of mine,” Michael murmured tenderly above him. The bed then slightly dipped as the oldest archangel sat down before he pulled Gabriel into his arms, cocooning them warmly with his wings. Grace lovingly brushed against the hiccuping archangel as if to soothe the wounds deep within. “How we failed you.” He rested his head atop of Gabriel’s head gently. “Dispel these foolish notions floating in your head of your so-called failures. You never failed, little fledgling. <em>We</em> were the ones who failed. You love humans exactly as we were supposed to do. You fought for them. You died for them. None of us can say that.” He gave a quiet, mournful laugh before he gently pulled Gabriel back from where the youngest was hugging his legs. He cupped Gabriel’s face so lovingly, lightly brushing the tears aside with his thumb pads. He then leaned forward before he pressed a gentle kiss to Gabriel’s forehead, sighing somberly. “You’ve punished yourself long enough. Now, you heal and take care of yourself. And you love your Winchester with every bit of your newfound soul until your dying days, my mischievous Gavriel. We’ll take it from here.”</p><p>When the doorknob rattled a second later, Michael waited until Cas entered and noticed them.</p><p>“Castiel.”</p><p>Michael then vanished, his wings flapping loudly before he left.</p><p>Cas let out an annoyed huff of indignation before he finished walking into the room with a tray in his hands. After setting it down onto the bedside table, the piercing blue eyes glanced over his older brother, softening slightly.</p><p>“Are you well?”</p><p>Gabriel choked out a tearful laugh. “Am <em>I</em> well?” He glanced away for a second, wiping away the tear tracks to his cheeks. “Kiddo, we need to brush up on your social skills. Honestly.”</p><p>“I look forward to it,” Cas replied honestly. He then lifted the cover off the tray, revealing a plate of brown rice with steaming mixed vegetables and chunks of salmon.</p><p>However, it was the bowl of various candies next to the main course that gained Gabriel’s attention the most. He stared at it, speechless. There were mini packets of Twix, Snickers, Skittles, M&amp;Ms, Starburst, Swedish Fish, Bottlecaps, and boxes of Nerds mixed in with individually wrapped various kinds of Dove chocolates and his favorite—lollipops.</p><p>“Oh, and—” Castiel remarked, stepping forward to pull his phone out. “There is also this as well.” With a wide smile, he held it out, showing Gabriel the screen.</p><p>It was a photo of Sam resting on his side in bed, curled around a pillow with his eyes closed and a peaceful look on his handsome face. He was asleep and looked absolutely breathtaking. Alive.</p><p>“The candies were an addition from Dean, but I assumed I should add this—”</p><p>Gabriel’s hand wrapped around his brother’s wrist, tugging him closer, before arms wrapped around his brother’s midsection. There were so many words he wanted to say right then. So many. But none could get past the immovable lump lodged in his throat. So, he did his damnedest to transfer his feelings through the fierce hug.</p><p>“I truly did not mean to upset you again,” Cas sputtered out, his body tensing as fear and remorse coated his every word. “I merely wished to—”</p><p>“Cassie?”</p><p>“ . . . yes?” He seemed confused by Gabriel’s interruption.</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>When Cas’s body sagged in response, the older brother let out a quiet chuckle, closing his eyes.</p><p>“And thank you,” he whispered a moment later. “Both of you. All of you.”</p><p>Cas gently patted his shoulders, where Gabriel’s strong wings used to exist. He said nothing, but neither needed to say anything else.</p><p>At the sound of a stomach growling loudly yet again, the two brothers reluctantly pulled apart, Cas taking a step back and grabbing the tray to move it closer.</p><p>Pushing himself further up against the headboard to sit up and letting his legs stretch back out, Gabriel grabbed the rice, salmon, veggie bowl, and a fork.</p><p>“So,” he drawled, “talk to me, sport.”</p><p>Truthfully, silence had always gotten to the archangel. It was likely a reason why he was rarely silent if he thought about it at least, which he hardly ever did. However, he had seen what happened firsthand to people when they didn’t deal with shit. And, man, did he have some shit to deal with over the years. He supposed it was the Winchester influence flexing its muscle or something.</p><p>“About?”</p><p>“About anything,” he replied, waving his fork lazily. “You and Dean-o for instance.” He caught the slight blush from the lovesick seraph. “Or what the hell happened in that house. What big bad you were fighting this time. Catch me up while I try to scarf down my first meal in years.”</p><p>Cas nodded slowly before he grabbed a chair from the side and sat down next to the bed. He seemed more at ease with himself, lighter and freer than Gabriel could ever remember him being.</p><p>“We defeated Chuck.”</p><p>Gabriel paused with the fork hanging stupidly out of his mouth. His brow raised as he stared back. If he didn’t have a mouthful of food, he’d have definitely said, ‘Come again?’</p><p>“After you . . . left,” Cas quietly explained, his eyes falling for a second to the floor, “we thought it was over and that Apocalypse!Michael had been dealt with as well as Lucifer. However, they were able somehow to open a rift to our world, and they attacked. Jack was . . . In words I know you will appreciate, ‘shit got real bad there,” he replied with his dorky quotation marks that made Gabriel’s lips twitch slightly to hold back a smile. “Dean—he said yes to Apocalypse!Michael in order to defeat Lucifer, who had stolen Jack’s Grace, and Sam and I had to carry on trying to get Dean back.”</p><p>Swallowing, Gabriel glanced down at his food, losing his appetite entirely again.</p><p>“I worked with demons, angels, whatever I could,” Cas continued obliviously. “Eventually, we managed to find Dean, and we foolishly believed everything was well. Until it wasn’t.”</p><p>Amber eyes darted to the wall, trying to hold back tears he didn’t think he still had. <em>Oh, Castiel.</em></p><p>“Long story short, we managed to beat Apocalypse!Michael with Jack, Dean didn’t end up in his stupid Mal’ak box at the bottom of the sea, and I made a foolish deal with the Empty to save my son.”</p><p>Setting the bowl down with a heavy sigh, the youngest archangel considered all of this, trying to make sense of an absolutely messy fucked-up situation they had found themselves in yet again. They seriously had a goddamn talent for it.</p><p>“I begged Chuck to help, to return Jack’s soul, and because of my actions, Jack died.”</p><p>Gabriel’s insides instantly clenched and twisted, knotting horribly with horror.</p><p>Holy shit! How had things gone so far off the rails? He rubbed his temple, trying to find words to say. Anything at this point but found the words ‘Jack died’ circling around the drain of his mind.</p><p>“Billie returned him to me—to <em>us</em>, though, after Sam shot Chuck.”</p><p>A cough instantly burst out of Gabriel’s lungs. Sam did <em>what</em> now?</p><p>“It took a bit, and Dean and I fought for quite a bit—”</p><p>“Yeah, skip that melodramatic teenage angst of yours, please. What about Sam?”</p><p>Blue eyes blinked in surprise before they squinted.</p><p>“Cas, what about Sam?”</p><p>“Chuck took him captive while Dean and I were off in Purgatory.”</p><p>Gabriel motioned for him to skip ahead again. Normally, he’d love to hear all about the DeanCas epic love story. He was a big fan from the beginning truthfully, but Sam . . .</p><p>“When we found Sam later, Chuck had caused him to lose faith, to lose hope.”</p><p>Oh, he was raging and seething in pure hatred for the asshole responsible for his creation, all of creation. His jaw clenched tightly, his teeth taking the brunt of his rage.</p><p>To make Sam lose hope—</p><p>Gabriel’s fingers curled into his palms, drawing blood.</p><p>No.</p><p>His beautiful Samshine had gone through so much over the years: Lucifer, Azazel, the whole demon blood addiction thing, Dean’s messy bi crisis over Cas to name a few. But Chuck? Fucking Chuck? His goddamn father being the one to hurt Sam, to make him lose—</p><p>Oh, fuck no!</p><p>He was livid.</p><p>He grabbed the bowl of food and threw it as hard as he could, shattering it against the wall. It didn’t satisfy him in the slightest, so he shoved the tray to the floor before he tossed off the covers that someone, likely Cas, had wrapped around him lovingly. He was going to rip out that spineless asshole’s neck. He didn’t care if dear ol’ Pops was fucking God! Bastard was going to die for hurting his Sam!</p><p>The second he managed to stand, though, he pitched forward, falling towards the concrete floor. He growled rabidly when strong arms grabbed him, even though he knew Cas was just trying to help. The roar that tore from him a moment later came from deep within. If he still had his angelic Grace, he’d likely have blown out all the transformers in the Midwest and then some. Though, his temper always had been something fierce when he finally reached his limit, and he was eons past that limit now.</p><p>“FUCK!”</p><p>As he felt Cas lower them slowly to the floor, Cas’s arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders, he let out a trembling breath. His head shook, hating how weak he was right then. Damn it! He was a goddamn archangel for fuck’s sake, not some goddamn cherub! He had freaking obliterated the Empty according to Michael. Where was <em>that</em> Gabriel now?</p><p>Cas held him silently, though, letting him work through his chaotic, violent emotions.</p><p>As his anger retreated and gave way to his persistent pain again, his arms curled around Cas’s. He should have been there! He should have protected Sam. Protected Cas. Protected Dean. Protected his damn nephew. He should have done his damn job from the start! Fuck his brothers! Fuck them all!</p><p>He knew it was wrong. He knew the whole damn thing was rotten from the start. The second Chuck had explained about the Mark locking up their supposed enemy, he knew. He knew something was wrong. He knew. He just brushed it aside, claimed it wasn’t his problem. He stuck his head in the sand and went on living. And when it affected him personally? He ran like a coward, hiding himself away on Earth and not giving a crap about anything or anyone. Living for pleasure and standing for nothing. Just as Loki had said.</p><p>He should have fought harder. He should have—should have—done <em>something</em>! Anything! Why the hell did it take two flannel-wearing, dumbass, mortal, pain in the ass hunters from Kansas to make him do the right thing? The thing he should’ve done from the start!</p><p>“Sam . . .” he whispered brokenly.</p><p>“Close your eyes,” Cas murmured above him in that familiar low voice, “and rest. I have you.”</p><p>“I want to slaughter Chuck for this!” Gabriel’s voice was harder than granite.</p><p>“I know,” murmured his brother.</p><p>“How can you just fucking—”</p><p>“Because they defeated him. They beat Chuck,” Cas answered quietly, setting his chin atop of Gabriel's head. “Chuck has no more influence on this world. And Jack—he’s taken Chuck’s place to keep the balance. He’s having the angels rebuild Heaven, and they’re fixing the brokenness that was once there.” He sighed lightly. “Our hunters rewrote the story, brother, and gave it a much better ending. They did that, and I could not be prouder.”</p><p>That gave him pause. “Cas, you were lying beside Dean at the back of Baby, though.”</p><p>“Yes. Because my particular flavor of dumbass, as you would say, decided he needed to ‘grip my ass tight and raise me from perdition’ this time and rescued me from the Empty,” Cas said with a snort.</p><p>“That’s why it started to glitch, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Likely, yes.”</p><p>It made sense. A human soul inside a place meant for angels and demons only? It went against all his f—against all of Chuck’s rules. Chuck didn’t deserve the title of father.</p><p>“I know I should let it rest given your emotions currently, but if it were me . . .”</p><p>“If it were you,” Gabriel urged, frowning as he stared ahead at the rice smeared on the wall. The one bite he had was pretty good. He hoped Cas would snap it away before anyone else saw it, namely Dean. The hunter didn’t deserve to see that after having spent so much time on it.</p><p>“Your bond with Sam is still there. I can see it.”</p><p>“No, it can’t be.” He gave a quiet pained laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t have any Grace, remember, kiddo? Sacrificed it all to get back my pain in the ass hunter. No Grace, so no bond.”</p><p>“You may no longer have Grace,” Cas quietly agreed, “but you do have a soul now.”</p><p>“What?” Gabriel craned his head back to glance up. “That’s—no, I can’t—that’s . . .  No. Impossible. We can’t grow souls. That’s . . .”</p><p>Amber eyes then widened.</p><p>Michael’s words echoed in his mind.</p><p>
  <em> . . . you love your Winchester with every bit of your <span class="u">newfound soul</span> until your dying days—</em>
</p><p>Was it possible? Could it be true? Him—with a soul?</p><p>“You can see it?” He swallowed, licking his lower lip in consternation.</p><p>“Yes,” replied his brother, glancing down. “It’s similar in color to your true form. A deeper, glittering gold much like your best aged whiskey.”</p><p>“Whiskey is more—never mind.” He shook his head, though. “How the hell did I get a soul?”</p><p>“Your bond with Sam needed something to tether to, so the last bit of Grace morphed itself,” Cas stated quietly. “At least that’s the current working theory in Heaven.”</p><p>“And your theory?”</p><p>He personally put a lot more stock in his brother’s theories nowadays than anyone upstairs.</p><p>“Your great selfless sacrifice was rewarded,” his brother answered bluntly. “By sacrificing your Grace, your <em>power</em>, for a human, you evolved past Chuck’s programing.” Cas then smiled widely. “In other words, you leveled-up.”</p><p>“But you’ve sacrificed yourself for Dean and Sam—hell, the world—more than I ever have.”</p><p>Cas nodded as if he already considered this. “I have, which is why I’ve been rewarded as well.”</p><p>“You’re human too?”</p><p>“No. Something in between human and angel, it would seem, according to Jack.”</p><p>“Okay, wait, back up here. <em>What</em>?”</p><p>What the hell was between an angel and a human?</p><p>Sighing heavily, Cas shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “My powers have been diminishing as of late. I thought it was due to Heaven’s decline. However, according to Michael and Jack, it’s not. Being close to the Winchesters, to <span class="u">Dean</span>, for so long, loving him as I do, it would seem it fractured my Grace.”</p><p>“Fractured?” That didn’t sound good. He looked his little brother over, finding nothing that seemed to pop out and worry him, though. Cas did look like he could use some rest, he supposed. The seraph looked a little rough around the edges in spots, a bit worn down, but he still looked damn good.</p><p>“One part is still angelic Grace, and the other is a flake of soul, it would seem. The parts have been interlocking, weaving and connecting, as time passed. And when I found myself weakened, more parts split off to strengthen the soul and grow it.”</p><p>“That’s possible?”</p><p>He supposed it’d make sense if their nephew were running things now. It’d be a whole new world post-Chuck. It opened a tremendous amount of new possibilities now.</p><p>“You could say I’ve taken after my big dumb brother,” Cas laughed humorlessly. “Eventually, my Grace will burn itself out, and I’ll only have the soul part left. At least that’s the current theory.”</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>“Indeed.”</p><p>Gabriel then sighed heavily, letting his head lightly fall back onto Cas’s shoulder.</p><p>“So, if I’m understanding this whole thing right, Dean-o went to the Empty to rescue you.” He caught the nod. “And Sam and Jack went after . . . Chuck.” Another nod. “And somehow they defeated him, but Sam got hurt in the process and . . .” He sighed heavily as the words lodged in the back of his throat. He skipped ahead instead. “Jack went up to Heaven then, leaving Sam to . . .”</p><p>“I’m unsure of what transpired exactly after Dean and I returned from the Empty as we were unconscious,” Cas admitted. “But I know Jack wouldn’t leave Sam to die alone. He’d have stayed with him.”</p><p>“Good.” Thinking Sam was alone in his last moments was fucking devastating. The last time it happened was in that damn cave with weird vamps while Gabriel was right there. He’d sworn then he’d do everything in his power to protect Sam after that, save him no matter what, because that gutted him more than anything else ever had, including Kali rejecting his request to have kids.</p><p>As they sat on the floor, Cas held Gabriel tightly against him. The action was warm and nice. For a bit at least. However, then like usual, the silence made Gabriel fidgety again.</p><p>“Cas?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I’m glad you’re my brother.”</p><p>The brat chuckled quietly. “And I you, Gabriel.”</p><p>As the silence stretched on again, he found himself asking, “He’s going to be all right, isn’t he?”</p><p>“Yes. Sam’s surrounded by all of us who love him. He’ll wake up soon enough.” Cas then sighed deeply. “In the meantime, you need to focus on yourself. You’re human now—with human needs.”</p><p>“Nice way of saying ‘Quit being a moody bitch and eat something, dumbass.”</p><p>Cas snorted near his ear. “Your words, not mine.”</p><p>“All right. Help me up, brat.” When he saw the mess he made earlier right itself as if it never happened, he headbutted his gratitude. Cas was a good one. That was for damn sure.</p><p>Once he was back in bed and Cas naturally fussed over him annoyingly, he sighed, closing his eyes when the heavenly brothers’ foreheads pressed firmly against one another before pulling back.</p><p>“I’ll get you another bowl.” Cas then pointed at him. “Which you will eat all of this time.”</p><p>He snickered. “Yes, <em>Mom</em>.” When his little brother smacked the back of his head in reply, he full on roared with belly laughter. No matter what happened next, he had a chance to fix this, and he would.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Here Without You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Squirming breathlessly in bed, Gabriel shuddered, trying to escape the growing heat racing through his veins. It was like every part of him was on fire. His blood sang with uncontrollable lust. It was worse than any of his back in the day Rome sex-capades. That was for damn sure.</p><p>Panting, he writhed and twisted from the maddening feather light touches that made absolute zero sense. He was alone, and he was positive the bunker would have alerted the others if there was a ghost around or some other entity. Unless . . . was this what people meant by phantom pains? Only he had phantom desire instead?</p><p>As his body wound tighter and tighter, his head swam even more. He could no longer tell which way was up, down, or whatever anymore. Everything was on its head. He had thought he knew sex before, but, fuck, he knew nothing. Humans felt <em>this</em> every time? Shit!</p><p>He was going to be lucky if he didn’t explode or die. He had never felt anything close to this before, not once. In all his past experiences, nothing came close to this.</p><p>His back started to arch more and more, causing him to shove his hand quickly into his mouth to stifle his cries. Normally, he wouldn’t care, but he was a guest here and honestly at Dean’s mercy. The fact that he tasted thick, coppery blood when he bit down hard didn’t quell anything. In fact, it only made the figurative band inside snap quicker, sending him hurtling over the edge and coming harder than he ever had.</p><p>Falling boneless back onto the mattress, he heaved loud gasping breaths that burned every time. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t move. So, he just remained there, eyes closed and drenched in sweat. Fuck. If only his heart didn’t unfortunately sound like it was going to <em>Alien</em> propel itself out of his chest.</p><p>Brushing off the uneasy silence as he waited, he focused on calming himself again. After all, he didn’t have just a vessel anymore. He had a body, <em>his</em> body now. Meaning, the last thing he wanted to do was die of something stupid. Like death by ejaculation or something. Actually, the more he thought on it, that wasn’t really a bad way to go honestly. There were worse ways to die, he supposed.</p><p>Finally coming down from his orgasmic bliss enough not to feel like he was floating anymore, he groaned, sweeping his hands through his damp hair. He grimaced as more of his senses returned. Aches and pains made themselves known a moment later, causing him to exhale deeply. Humans sure felt a lot of pain. It was annoying, yet he supposed all the pain they felt was some kind of lesson. After all, he had learned his just desserts punishments from his father long before he’d ever learned it from Loki.</p><p>Glancing down his body a moment later, he noticed the large damp patch on the sheet tangled around his lower half. Yep. No way was he going to be able to hide that mess. He’d have to talk with Cas later, he decided. And while his brother was at it, maybe he could heal Gabriel’s hand, too.</p><p>He let out a weak snort then.</p><p>No wonder humans were so sexualized, though.</p><p>That was utter mind-blowing. And he was fairly certain adding another person to the experience would have short-circuited him entirely and then some if solo sex had this strong of a reaction for him.</p><p>He peeled away the filthy sheet with a shake of his head, pausing at a knock against his closed door. He glanced at it, chewing on his bottom lip. It was frustrating not knowing who was out there. When he was full-blown God Squad, he’d have just known, sensing Grace or soul. Now, he had zilch to go off. If it was Cassie, then he didn’t need to care what he looked like. But if it was Jody or Dean? Or Sam? Or Jack for that matter?</p><p>“Gabriel?”</p><p>Oh, praise the Host! It <span class="u">was</span> Cassie. That made things a hell of a lot easier.</p><p>“Yeah. Come in,” he called out, swinging his legs off the bed before slipping his feet into the fluffy house slippers left out for him. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Damn that little brat of his. Always thinking ahead and doing stupid shit like this for him.</p><p>“Uh . . .” Cas’s head tilted almost instantly after walking in, his deep blues squinting in sheer confusion at what he just walked into.</p><p>“Oh, just get in here,” Gabriel lightly grumbled with a head shake. Seriously. Little bro had been around the humans way too long if he was this embarrassed when it came to something as natural as sex. Or maybe the almost twelve years of not getting any from Dean had caused brain damage. Poor kid.</p><p>“Did you find Dean’s porn stash?”</p><p>“No, but thank you for that reminder,” he replied with a saucy wink. However, at Cas’s look, he groaned inwardly. He hardly could convince the Seraph of anything these days. “I can’t be sure, but—” Gabriel then frowned. “When you were without your Grace, did you have intense dreams?”</p><p>“As in nightmares?”</p><p>“No.” His smirk grew into his usual shit-eating one. “More of the sexual variety, Cassie.”</p><p>“Oh.” His brother shook his head. “Not usually. I did have mornings where I’d wake up with what Dean called ‘Morning Wood,’ though.”</p><p>Gabriel’s brow raised. Since when was Dean-o—no, he wouldn’t go down that rabbit hole this early in the morning. That was more of a late afternoon discussion.</p><p>“Cool. Um, I suppose it’s of the same aspect then.” Gabriel just had gotten further than Cas.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>He motioned towards his groin covered by the bright red boxers with a visible large wet patch that was starting to itch like hell. “I mean, like, seriously, kiddo? Do I need to spell it out here for you?”</p><p>Cas grimaced before he bowed his head.</p><p>“All right. So, I don’t suppose I can get you to—” At Cas’s head hanging lower, Gabriel found himself leaning forward. Uh oh. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Okay . . .” That was <em>definitely</em> not cryptic at all. “Want to elaborate on that, sport?”</p><p>The young seraph’s head fell dejectedly before he mumbled, “My Grace is acting up today.”</p><p>Ah. Well, shit.</p><p>“I tried to push Dean from his nightmare, and instead I ended up pushing him into another that was much worse.” Every word was tinted with deep regret and remorse.</p><p>“Cas, listen to me.” He waited until the sad blues that reminded him painfully of Sam’s puppy dog ones met his. “I’m sure Dean knew you didn’t mean to do that.”</p><p>“He doesn’t know.”</p><p>Gabriel blinked. “Wait. You didn’t tell him?”</p><p>His brother shook his head silently.</p><p>“Does he know you influence his dreams at all?”</p><p>“He knows I’ve done it in the past,” Cas replied. “I haven’t needed to do it lately.”</p><p>Okay, so, all in all, not too bad here. “Well, tell him.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I’m your big brother, and I’m telling you to tell him.”</p><p>Huh. He had finally gotten to the old ‘Because I said so’ argument that stretched back all the way to before Creation. He’d be damned.</p><p>“Then you’re going to tell Sam about your bond?”</p><p>Damn it! Gabriel forced himself not to react to that turnabout, realizing he should have seen it light years away. Of course Cas would say that. His little bro was only Heaven’s best strategist. He had probably already worked that out hours ago.</p><p>“Yeah, course,” he lied, feeling the pang in his gut when he caught Cas’s proud smile. “All right. Can’t fix this the angelic way. Onto the human way then.” He pushed off the bed to stand, wobbling slightly as he was still uneasy on his feet. He flashed a grateful faint smile when his brother instantly reached out to steady him.</p><p>“Your hand!”</p><p>Gabriel swallowed back his growl of annoyance instantly. Damn it! He could not catch a break to save his ass today. Amber eyes flicked down to where it had throbbed. At the sight of the bloody bite mark, he rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, I know. I’ll be fine, though.”</p><p>“How did this happen?”</p><p>“I bit it to keep from screaming.”</p><p>When Cas’s head tilted, Gabriel felt his heart sink. <em>Oh, Cas . . .</em></p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Lightly, he patted the little innocent seraph’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’ll explain it to you when you’re older, kiddo.”</p><p>It took everything in him not to burst out laughing when Castiel gave him a Sam-worthy bitchface. Oh, hell, sometimes he just fucking loved his kid brother.</p><p>“I was in the throes of passion, Cas. Now, I could have thrown caution to the wind and did my usual ‘loud and proud’ shout, but I figured the humans have enough they’re dealing with right now than that. So, I bit my hand instead.”</p><p>Cas frowned, shaking his head. “We should wrap this.”</p><p>“Coolio. We’ll do that later.”</p><p>“Gabriel—”</p><p>“Kiddo, I love you, really I do, but let it go.”</p><p>“You’re hurt.”</p><p>“Yeah, so?” He gave a half-shrug. “That seems to be a usual normal human thing. Best to roll with it now, you know? Since I’m going to be human for quite some time.” At least he hoped so. He was tired of tricking his deaths and running—or this last time—actually dying.</p><p>“As you wish.”</p><p>Gabriel stumbled in surprise. Wait! Cas was actually raising the white flag and accepting his answer? Was his little bro body snatched? At the feel of Cas’s arm wrapping around him to keep him upright, he sighed. One foot forward, twenty back.</p><p>“You can let go, sport. I’ve got it from here.”</p><p>“Are you certain?”</p><p>“Yes.” About twenty percent certain if he were honest, but Cas didn’t need to know that. “Now, go. I’ll meet you for breakfast shortly.”</p><p>“Breakfast was hours ago, though. It’s now almost noon.”</p><p>“Fine. Brunch. Whatever.” Gabriel waved his hand dramatically. When his brother didn’t move, he sighed loudly. “What now?”</p><p>“It would make me feel better if I made sure you made it to the showers without falling.”</p><p>Glancing upwards, he shook his head. Damn Seraph was worse than a mother hen sometimes. However, Cas was using his words and not being a Winchester. So, Gabriel would reward this. For now.</p><p>“Fine. If it puts your mind at ease.” He then pointed back. “For the record, though, that was two times. That’s it. I’ve been fine ninety-eight percent of the time.” At least as far as Castiel was concerned. Gabriel wouldn’t tell his little brother about the other twenty-seven times when he’d fallen by himself on the way to the bathroom. He wasn’t stupid after all. He was acutely aware how that’d go.</p><p>“Thank you.” Cas smiled widely, clearly proud of himself. If his wings were visible, there was no doubt that the beautiful raven wings would have been all fanned out in sheer glee.</p><p>The archangel rolled his eyes, though, and turned away to head to the dresser. It took a bit as he was walking super carefully, almost penguin-like. However, when he finally reached it, he placed a steadying hand on its top and bent down to open the top drawer, grabbing a fresh pair of boxers, old rock t-shirt, and sweatpants Dean had managed to get for him sometime yesterday. Straightening out, though, he let out another pained grunt, waving Cas away when the Seraph immediately jumped towards him.</p><p>“I’m fine, Cassie. Just incredibly old and stiff.”</p><p>“That does not bode well for Sam.”</p><p>Gabriel blinked almost instantly before he glanced at Cas. “Did you just—did you just make a joke?” One laced in sexual innuendo at that?</p><p>“Yes.” His little brother stood smugly with a goofy grin etched into his face.</p><p>“Nice. There might be hope for you yet, little one.” He then turned away, hobbling towards the door. However, he paused and grabbed the robe from the coat hanger, grateful when Cas helped him slip inside of it. If they did manage to come across any humans, at least he wouldn’t have to answer their questions or deal with their mortification. That made it at least bearable. The brothers walked out quickly after, heading down the empty corridor.</p><p>Gabriel tried to ignore Sam’s door when they walked past it not long later, but he found himself longing to catch a glimpse. So, he peeked inside, feeling himself relax fully when he saw Dean sitting in a chair next to Sam’s bedside as the moose slept like a log. He continued a moment later with the shadow hovering clumsily behind him. It was like the good ol’ days all over again. Cas following him around like a lovesick puppy dog, and Gabriel trying his damnedest not to let his annoyance show because he didn’t want to hurt his brother’s feelings.</p><p>“You seem to be walking better today,” Cas commented as they rounded another yet corner.</p><p>“Yeah,” Gabriel huffed out, feeling a cramp start in his side. It was taking all his strength to continue this farce. However, he knew exactly what would happen if he let Cas see how taxing this was. The brat wouldn’t leave his side ever. He had one more corner, and then they’d be there at the showers.</p><p>“Castiel?” a soft voice spoke before pausing. “Oh. Gabriel! You’re up and about.”</p><p>Amber eyes flicked over to the woman who had just rounded the corner in front of them unexpectedly. It took a second before it came to him who this was.</p><p>“So it would seem,” remarked softly the former archangel, leaning casually against the wall for a moment as he pulled his robe closer to cover himself in feigned modesty. He tried not to sigh in relief at the much-needed break he was taking while they greeted one another. A pair of piercing blues, after all, watched him annoying close. “How are you today, Sheriff?”</p><p>“I’m good,” she smiled back warmly prior to stepping towards him and gently patting his shoulder that wasn’t leaning against the wall. “How are you, though?”</p><p>“Alive.”</p><p>Her eyes softened instantly. She looked like she was on the verge of pulling him in for a hug, but thankfully didn’t for some reason.</p><p>“Well, I’ll let you boys get on with your walk.” She squeezed Gabriel’s bicep gently as she held his gaze for a moment. “It was nice seeing you.”</p><p>“You as well,” he replied, dipping his head towards her respectfully.</p><p>Once she had walked past, Gabriel glanced at the brat staring at him with wide eyes. Oh, for the love of— “What now?”</p><p>“I’ve never heard you speak so—”</p><p>“—yeah, well, I’m trying new things, all right?” he grumbled, pushing off the wall with a brief grimace. He needed to hurry up and get out of Cas’s sight. His strength was waning quickly again. He was thankful when he made it inside the shower room without collapsing a few minutes later. Drawing in a sharp breath, as if annoyed, he turned back and raised a brow, catching Cas’s hurt look instantly. “Go be with your boyfriend, brat. I’m fine. I got this part. Honest. And if I don’t, I’ll pray to you.”</p><p>The seraph nodded sharply but left reluctantly, surprisingly not arguing about the boyfriend quip.</p><p>Once Cas was out of sight, Gabriel closed the door and crossed the room, his slippers tapping loudly against the floor. He had been up and around since late yesterday, yet he hadn’t made it here quite yet. Mostly because he wasn’t quite up to walking the long distance to the damned room.</p><p>He carefully hobbled across the floor, pausing when he was almost to the nearest shower. He tossed his clean clothes onto the bench and slipped off his robe before he peeled his boxers off with a wince. As soon as he had stepped out of the discarded clothes, he kicked off his slippers and finished shuffling forward barefoot to the nearest shower.</p><p>As soon as the warm spray hit him after turning the taps, he let out a loud groan. Damn, that felt amazing. His fingers slid through his wet locks and brushed it all back before he rubbed at his face with a tired sigh. Dean was right. The water pressure in this damn place was terrific. With a quiet sigh, he grabbed the shampoo that had been left out, pouring it liberally into his hand.</p><p>The second the scent wafted up, his eyes widened. He knew that— His eyes darted to the bottle. Without a doubt, he knew it had to be one of Sam’s. He paused for a moment and stared at the goopy liquid before he nodded and used it anyway, massaging it deep into his scalp. He sighed silently, his shoulders sagging as he inhaled deeply.</p><p>It was strange. He’d give it that. But, damn it, he missed Sam. He absolutely positively yearned for his damn hunter. Though, if Cas and Michael were right, that was partly a result of the unfinished bond at play here.</p><p>A soul? Him? It was baffling. His mind pondered this as he next rubbed soap all over his body, scrubbing at the dirt with his fingers. He should have grabbed a washcloth before he did this, he realized in hindsight, but for now his fingers would have to do. At least for today.</p><p>Gaining a soul was a pretty big level up. It was definitely nothing to mess around with. That was for sure. However, it also would hinder him. It’d change him, right? He was known for his tricks—well, not lately at least since he had been dead for—<em>what was it again</em>—two years now? His fingers grazed wandering across his now buttery skin. Back in the day, though, he used to dole out his very own special kind of karma on people who he thought deserved it. Now, he couldn’t, not that he wanted to necessarily. Asmadouche ruined that . . . and Loki too he supposed. However, he at least wanted the option, thank you very much. He was big on options. Always had been.</p><p>He was down for anything at least once: candy, sex, latest Netflix binge, etc. After all, the way he figured, how would a person ever know their actual likes if they didn’t try it first? Though, tell a human that, and one usually got punched, which Gabriel knew from experience.</p><p>Like he was just supposed to know humans were fussy creatures and, honestly, prudes when it came to sex in nature. The damned fools were only having sex every minute of every day based on his observations and experiences. If they’d just be open and honest, a lot of their miscommunications in relationships would just fall away naturally. But, no . . . humans had to be modest. They had to feign innocence. They had to pretend they weren’t the little kinky sex fiends they were. And for what? Because their sexual partner <em>might</em> not choose them then? Honestly, Gabriel didn’t understand it. He really just did not. He was always open about sex to the point where he may have been a bit crasser about it than he needed to be sometimes.</p><p>However, seeing Sam’s reactions anytime he laid on the ol’ charm—</p><p>A gasp tore him from his musings at once, sending him jolting to the present with a hoarse groan falling from his lips at the unexpected burst of hot pleasure that shot through him. His hand flew against the tiled wall to steady himself again. Holy crap! He breathed in and out slowly and deliberately several times to lower his racing heart rate before his amber eyes glanced downwards.</p><p>“Really?” he groused at his half-hardened cock that was happily jutting out proudly. He turned the shower knob then to cool the water to deal with this newfound distraction. Stupid dicks.</p><hr/><p>Freshly showered and in clean clothes, he staggered towards the kitchen, his hand sliding across the wall to keep him upright. If he thought his strength was waning before, he clearly knew nothing. It was nonexistent now. He hoped to whichever poor sibling on throne duty today, he managed to gain some of it back before he’d come across Cas again. He really was starting to get annoyed with little bro’s constant hovering and ‘Are you fine?’</p><p>He paused outside of door number 23, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to push all his exhaustion to the farthest depths of his body. If he could do that, then he could handle keeping up the charade a little bit more. Others were always good distractions for him in the past. If Cas was in there, though— Little shit knew all his tells these days and wasn’t above calling him out for it either.</p><p>Forcing a deep breath in, he nodded a moment later. He could do this. Just beeline to the table, sit down, and rest. Easy peasy. Biting his lip nervously again, he glanced at the doorway. He could do this. He could. It just required him to walk in and act like he wasn’t about to crumple to the floor at a moment’s notice. He had this. He so had this.</p><p>With his head held up high, he strode in, barely glancing at the other occupants as he headed straight for the table, zeroed in on the empty seat.</p><p>A few more feet. He could almost feel it now. Just a little bit further.</p><p>“Gabriel?”</p><p>He stopped the second he heard his name. Damn it! He was so damn close.</p><p>“Yeah?” His head turned slowly towards Dean who stood at the island. At the hunter’s motion to come over, he felt his mood sour. This was not going to go well. He forced his smile, though, and slowly hobbled over, resisting the urge to use things to pull himself over there. “What’s up?”</p><p>Dean’s eyes studied him curiously, however, before the hunter leaned back and raised brow.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Gabriel remarked, rolling his eyes. “Never better in fact.” He leaned casually, or at least he hoped he did, against the wall with crossed arms in response. He bit back his sigh of relief at the brief respite. “Honest. I’m peachy. Back to my old self.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure. And your brother is a natural liar, too,” quipped Dean.</p><p>Glancing down, Gabriel scratched at his neck.</p><p>Well, Dean-o had him there unfortunately.</p><p>“Fine. Do it your way.” Dean sighed heavily, turning away. “You hungry?”</p><p>Amber eyes flicked up in surprise before Gabriel nodded slowly. Dean was truly going to let him off the hook just like that? Wow. That was . . . something.</p><p>“I could eat. Yeah,” he replied when the hunter glanced at him after a moment.</p><p>“Waffles good today, or you lookin’ for something more meaty?” Dean then groaned, instantly pinching the bridge of his nose. “Ignore that last part.”</p><p>Deciding he’d have mercy on the poor hunter, the mischievous former Trickster inclined his head and glanced over Dean’s shoulder. He blinked when he saw an unfamiliar woman playing on a laptop. He stepped forward and gently grabbed just above Dean’s elbow. At the sight of green eyes snapping back in confusion, Gabriel jerked his head minutely towards the beautiful brunette sitting at the table seemingly in her own little world.</p><p>“Who’s she?” he asked barely above a whisper.</p><p>“Who?” Dean then followed his eyes and snorted. “Oh, that’s Eileen.”</p><p>“Okay, and she’s <em>what</em> to you guys? A friend?”</p><p>“Seriously?” The hunter shook his head and sighed, though. “Okay, well, she’s a Legacy like us. Men of Letters, I mean—er, well, Woman of Letters in her case.” Dean then shrugged lightly, cutting the sandwich he had just made in half. “Plus, she and Sam sort of had a brief thing.”</p><p>“Oh.” Amber eyes flitted over to her again. Eileen was one of Sam’s exes. Coolio.</p><p>“But they split up,” Dean pointed out in a hushed tone, “thanks to your dick of a dad messing with them.” When Gabriel glanced back, Dean continued, “Once Chuck revealed he had manipulated everything to get them together, Eileen decided to split. They seemed to be friendly with one another last I knew—a few dates here and there lately—but then she was gone again thanks to Chuck.”</p><p>So, in other words, Eileen was the one who got away from Sam. That made things . . . He turned away to look back at her. She was very beautiful. Plus, she appeared honest and wholesome. His eyes fell to the floor. Yeah . . . Gabe bet they were pretty adorable together. <em>Awesomesauce</em>.</p><p>“You should talk to her.”</p><p>“What?” Winchester was crazy if he thought that was a good idea.</p><p>“Dude, come on. It’s me you’re talking to here.” Dean scoffed. “I mean, let’s be real here. You and I?” He used the butter knife in his hand to motion between them. “We could not be more alike if we tried. So, go on. Go talk to her. I swear she’s one of the better ones he dated.”</p><p>“I’m not going to go talk to your brother’s ex.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>Gabriel gave him a pointed look. “Seriously?”</p><p>Green eyes rolled. “Yeah, I mean, sure, it’s going to be awkward. Pining archangel talking to ex-girlfriend of man being lusted after by said-archangel? All sorts of awkward, but you’re going to kick yourself if you don’t later.”</p><p>Seriously, did everyone know at this point? “That’s where we differ. I won’t.”</p><p>“You’re telling me,” Dean drawled, leaning closer as his voice lowered, “you’re not the least bit curious what Sam saw in her?”</p><p>“No. Curiosity is a human thing, and I’m—”</p><p>“Human now,” he reminded with a shit-eating smirk. “Come on, man. What else you going to do around here? Pretty sure hanging out in your room or the library has to be beyond boring by now. So, go. Talk to her. She’s pretty great.”</p><p>Gabriel sighed, glancing at her. “What would I even say?”</p><p>“Hello’ usually works wonders,” Dean deadpanned before he shoved two plates into Gabriel’s hands. “Here. Go take these over to the table, will you? I’ll have your waffles ready in a few.”</p><p>“Dean—”</p><p>“Unless you were lying earlier,” remarked the hunter with a daring look. “Were you lying?”</p><p>Biting back a groan, he tipped his head and meandered over to the table. The entire time he may or may not have cursed the eldest Winchester to Hell and back for this. Though, he knew he only had himself to blame. He was the idiot who said he was fine when he was obviously anything but. When the plates thudded down a second later in front of Eileen, he grimaced in regret, catching her eyes finally.</p><p>She smiled warmly back, however, and nodded. “Hello, Gabriel.”</p><p>He jerked his head slightly in acknowledgement, lowering himself gradually onto the seat across from her. At a sudden, unexpected sharp pain in his back, he let out a loud hiss, his face scrunching up as his hand flew to where it hurt while his other slammed down hard on top of the tabletop. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know the reactions.</p><p>“Yeah, okay, you two can stop now with the looks,” Gabriel groaned, rubbing the aching spot. Fuck, that hurt like hell. “I lied. Happy now, Dean?”</p><p>“Hardly,” replied the hunter, setting down a plate of steaming chocolate chip waffles with strawberries and whipped cream off to the side. He then held out two small pills in his hand. “Take these once you eat. They’ll help with the pain.”</p><p>“Yes, Winchester. I know all about the miracle drug named ibuprofen,” muttered Gabriel, grabbing the pills and popping them a second later before he took a sip of water and swallowed them.</p><p>“I said—never mind. Just eat your damn food.”</p><p>At the sound of a soft snort across from him, Gabriel glanced at Eileen, catching her faint, amused smile. He bit back his reply then and picked up a fork, digging into the waffles. The second the first bite hit his tongue, he was in heaven. Damn, Dean could cook. He took a few more bites, savoring every single one and just barely holding back his filthy moans. He could get used to this.</p><p>“Gabriel?” Eileen softly said once he had finished at least half of his breakfast.</p><p>Amber eyes darted to her, stabbing another piece and stuffing it into his mouth quickly to keep from having to reply. He just wasn’t ready to say anything to her yet. Though, he knew it was a coward’s approach he was using. A supreme dick move in fact.</p><p>“Would you like to sit with Sam next?”</p><p>His fork paused halfway to his lips.</p><p>“Cas’s sitting with him right now,” she explained with utter softness.</p><p>That at least explained where little bro had disappeared after explaining the trick for the washer.</p><p>“I’m supposed to relieve him, but if you want, you can sit with Sam instead.” She gave him a gentle smile that socked him hard in the gut.</p><p>Glancing down, he set his fork down onto his plate with a clatter and pushed himself up to his feet. Yep. He couldn’t do this. He could <span class="u">not</span> do this at all.</p><p>She was . . . How the hell could he compete with her? She was absolute perfection. Whereas him—he was a fucking mess on a good day!</p><p>“Gabriel?”</p><p>He could hear the confusion in her voice, but he frankly didn’t care. He had to get out of there. Like yesterday. He turned away from the table and started towards the door.</p><p>Only Dean was having none of that apparently and stepped easily into his path to block him.</p><p>“No,” Gabriel replied flatly to the unspoken request, ignoring the way his stomach rolled.</p><p>“I know you love Sam.”</p><p>The second he heard her declaration behind him, he felt yet another hard-emotional punch to the side. His face crumpled for a brief millisecond before he shoved it all back. Compartmentalization was, after all, invented and perfected by archangels.</p><p>“Yeah? Goody for you,” he remarked dryly, somehow his voice staying steady. He then turned back around to her, desperate to escape Dean’s knowing look. “And look where that got me.” Turning back, he sidestepped Dean, his right shoulder slamming hard into the hunter’s as he brushed past.</p><p>He knew it wouldn’t be long before Dean went running to Cassie to tattle on him. Therefore, he skipped heading to his room. That would be too obvious after all, and his brother would find him right away. He didn’t need one of Cas’s lectures right now. The thing he needed—</p><p>
  <em>No!</em>
</p><p>Head shaking angrily, he fled, ignoring the sharp pains. He’d wait everyone out. It wouldn’t be the first, nor the last time. Now, where could he hide where Cas wouldn’t find him? Ah-ha! Perfect.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Paralyzed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Heavy scents of diesel, grease, and mustiness lingered in the garage, practically choking him with how pungent it all was. Gabriel remained, however, staring numbly in front of him. It’d be too easy to grab one and leave the bunker behind. But he truthfully didn’t want to be too far from Sam right now.</p><p>So, there he sat, back against the wall, in between two old cars, staring at a retro motorcycle that looked like no one had ridden it in decades. He had finally wrapped his hand with a rag.</p><p>He had always loved the toys humans fiddled with, especially ones that went fast and had an aura of danger around them. He never bought one, though, nor did he ever snap one into existence either. Because he knew deep down if he had, whatever it was would have lost its appeal. But occasionally he’d take a car or motorcycle out for a spin. Just to remind himself what it was like to fly again. It was a coping mechanism from cutting himself off all those eons ago from home.</p><p>At the sound of boots thumping loudly against the concrete floor in approach, he turned his head towards it numbly. Here it came. A soft sigh fell from his lips as he let his head fall back against the wall and waited for the inevitable blow up. Though, on second thought, since when did Cassie wear boots anyway?</p><p>“Get up.”</p><p>Glancing upwards, he instantly felt thrown at the sight of Dean standing there, not Cas. Huh?</p><p>“I said, ‘Get up,’ Gabriel,” Dean stated coldly. “I won’t ask again.”</p><p>“Yeah, see, I’m good down here. Thanks, pal.”</p><p>Dean’s jaw worked tersely before he leaned down and yanked him hard to his feet.</p><p>He yelped and hissed at how firm Dean’s grip was on him.</p><p>“Easy!” Like a freaking vice, he swore.</p><p>“We’re going for a drive.”</p><p>“Yeah, no, I’m—”</p><p>Dean ignored him, though, manhandling him towards the stunning black impala.</p><p>“If I wasn’t—” Gabriel started to say, needing to be clear he still had some strength somewhere. His words died on his lips at the sight of the intense death glare from the angry green eyes. Never mind. He winced when Dean shoved him inside the now opened passenger’s side before Dean slammed the door shut a moment later. This wasn’t going to go well.</p><p>Accepting his fate, he reached for the seat belt and sighed in dread. At least his pain would end.</p><p>Dean slid in a second later, shoving his keys into the ignition and turning the engine over. The second Baby roared with life, he shifted and threw her into reverse before he shifted again. A moment later, they raced towards the tunnel.</p><p>Definitely driving faster than what they should have been, Baby flew out of the bunker, lifting up briefly before she came back down and continued speeding down the road. Hesitantly, amber eyes glanced at Dean, wondering if this was going to be the last time either of them would be alive. He gripped the door, though, and turned back, trying to ignore his racing heart.</p><p>It was a good ten tense minutes before they reached their destination.</p><p>Gabriel’s head snapped from the building in front of them to him. Dean had taken him to—</p><p>“You waiting for an invitation? Get a move on,” barked Winchester, keys already shoved into his pocket as he got out.</p><p>Amber eyes glanced down at his state of dress and winced. He looked like a college frat boy. Only older. A lot older. At least the sweats were plain black ones, but the house slippers were damning.</p><p>“Come on, Gabriel!” Dean snapped, slipping inside the neon lit up structure a moment later.</p><p>Sighing heavily, he gave in again, slowly climbing out of the car. Cas would murder him if anything happened to Dean. He winced as he hobbled inside the dimly bar. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he soon found the hunter sitting at the semi-full bar. Dean was already nursing what seemed to be a glass of whiskey. He frowned at the already poured glass at Dean’s side.</p><p>“Friend of yours?” the bartender remarked quietly, reluctantly meeting Gabriel’s eyes.</p><p>“Something like that,” Dean muttered, tossing back his glass before he motioned for another.</p><p>Gabriel hissed out another pained grunt as he slid onto the stool beside the hunter.</p><p>“Yeah. You’re certainly peachy all right,” Dean scoffed. He smiled charmingly towards the bartender when the second glass slid down the bar to him before he leveled a scowl on Gabriel.</p><p>“So, what’s the plan here exactly?” Sighing heavily, Gabriel picked up his own glass and swirled it. “You get me drunk? Then take advantage of me?”</p><p>Dean turned sharply to him. “First off, asshole, I am madly in love with your brother,” he stated, pointing a finger. “And I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with him by messing around with you.”</p><p>The former Trickster blinked in surprise. That was . . . new?</p><p>“Second, I need a drink if we’re going to have this conversation, and Sam and Eileen fucking drank all my good stuff. So, here we are.”</p><p>Gabriel tossed back his glass with a nod. All righty then. He glanced at the bartender and lightly tapped the edge of his empty glass.</p><p>“Not sure I follow, but all right. Whatever floats your boat.” He forced a smile to his face with a shrug. “Wanted to experiment with this new life anyway, so let’s do this.”</p><p>Dean leaned towards him and lowered his voice. “You aren’t fooling anyone, dumbass. So, quit with the bullshit. Because let me make myself absolutely clear here, if Sam were awake and saw this, oh, you can bet your sweet ass there, sweetheart, my brother would have knocked you flat on your ass for your behavior towards her.” He then leaned back to his side and sighed heavily.</p><p>Amber eyes darted to the mirrored shelves guiltily.</p><p>“Is she all right?” he asked quietly, reaching for his second glass of whiskey.</p><p>“She’s fine.” Dean stared straight ahead with a deep frown. “Because she can read us like we’re her favorite book at this point. So, she knew why you lashed out like that. No.” He scoffed bitterly. “Instead, she tells <span class="u">me</span> off, ordering me to go after you.”</p><p>“Dean—”</p><p>“And, I mean, I get it, man. I do.” He turned back towards Gabriel. “You’re overwhelmed. And then here’s yet another person shoving in your face how they have you all figured out. How you are just so damn lost because the one person you can’t live without isn’t there and you’re forced to carry on without them. I <em>know</em>,” he stated emphatically. “But, Gabe, listen to me. You and I can’t keep doing this all the damn time. We can’t lie and say we’re fine when we’re not. And we definitely can’t lash out when others call us out on our bullshit. It doesn’t do any good. Never has. It only makes things worse.” He sighed heavily and turned back, tossing back his glass and swallowing.</p><p>“So, <em>what</em>, you’re recommending therapy?”</p><p>Dean snorted, giving him a sideways glance. “As if that’s the worse thing for us at this point.” He shook his head then and shrugged. “I don’t know what the right answer is. I do know that you and me—we keep heading down this path time and time again, we can kiss our happy endings goodbye.”</p><p>“Eileen—”</p><p>“—isn’t with him,” pointed out his drinking companion. “Hasn’t been in a while now.”</p><p>Gabriel opened his mouth before he closed it, turning his attention to the bartender lurking on the far side. He motioned towards her.</p><p>“Yeah?” She glanced between them curiously.</p><p>“Ten shots of Patron please on a tray.”</p><p>Her brows disappeared under her long hair.</p><p>“Please,” he repeated softly.</p><p>“All right,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s your boys’ funerals.” She moved back to the bottle, plucking it from the shelf before she set up all ten shots and poured them all out. Lining them up on the tray she set it down in front of Dean, who followed Gabriel over to a quiet table far from the others.</p><p>“Now what?” Dean asked with a deep frown after they slid into the booth in the back.</p><p>“You want to get shitfaced. Tequila is the best thing for that,” Gabriel answered, sitting across from him and divvying out the shots.</p><p>“Yeah, I know that, idiot. But why?”</p><p>“We each take a shot admitting something,” Gabriel explained, grabbing his first shot. “Like, for example,” he paused, licking his lips, “I made Sam watch you die repeatedly more than a hundred times and then live without you for six months.” He tossed back his shot and groaned, shaking his head. He much rather preferred molecule!Patron over this version, but he’d get used to it.</p><p>“Yeah, I know, asshole. Sam told me.” Dean then sighed heavily. “All right. Fine. I’ll play the stupid game.” He stared at his shot with his frown deepening before he motioned for Gabriel to wait a second. He slid back out of the booth and headed up to the bar, handing his keys over to the bartender, who immediately stashed them where he couldn’t reach them as Dean walked back. Once he was seated again, he grabbed his shot and met Gabriel’s look. “I once told Cas everything that went wrong was because of him when it isn’t.”</p><p>“Ouch.”</p><p>“Yeah. I know.” He shrugged lightly. “I was a fucking dick, and he left.”</p><p>“Good for him.”</p><p>Dean smiled faintly, nodding before he glanced at Gabriel. “Yeah. Looking back on it, I’m proud of him for having the guts to leave my ass and save himself.” He drank his shot and turned the glass upside down. “But it hurt like hell in the moment.”</p><p>“I bet.” Gabriel then chewed on his lip as he stared at his shot. “When I was . . .  down below with Asmadouche, I held onto my memories of Sam, so in the quiet moments not filled with pain and torture, you know, I’d try to remember some moment, like, meeting him for the first time or TV land or whatever.” He slowly gulped his shot, turning the glass upside down. “It gave me a reason to fight.”</p><p>“I sometimes get flashes of when Cas pulled me from Hell,” Dean murmured a moment later. “It’s taken me a long time to figure out I’m seeing him because it doesn’t, you know, look like what I’ve been seeing for twelve years. But—I don’t know—I feel like I saw his true form maybe?”</p><p>Gabriel’s eyes widened.</p><p>“What did you see?” he asked, staring. It wasn’t unheard of, but it was certainly rare.</p><p>“Intense blue bolts, I guess?” Dean shrugged flippantly. “But it’s the whole fresh rain smell that let me know it was him. It felt like safety, home. I don’t know how else to describe it, but I just knew I was going to be okay, that the pain was going to stop.”</p><p>“That’s because of your profound bond,” he explained quietly.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Gabriel nodded. “Yeah. He flew and battled Hell’s armies to get to you. By the time he did, he was bloodied, tired, you name it. But then he found you, and, well. Your bond is rare and stronger than shit.” He snorted humorlessly. “Course bonds forged from pain usually are.” Dean considered this for a moment before he turned away and downed his shot. “Well, I guess while we’re on the subject of bonds.” He shook his head slowly. “Might as well admit how I bonded accidentally to Sam.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“It means,” he quietly said before he glanced at Dean “I deserve every bit of this constant never-ending ache in my chest because your brother didn’t give his permission. I just laid my hands on him in a moment of weakness, and my Grace did the rest.”</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“When did you bond with him?”</p><p>Brushing back his sandy hair, he glanced down as he ran his finger atop of his shot glass.</p><p>“Gabriel?”</p><p>“The first moment I met you two numbskulls in that professor’s office. It was a fleeting touch, but the second—I was gone.”</p><p>“Wait. So, you’ve been bonded with Sam since, <em>what</em>, ’07?”</p><p>He nodded jerkily. “Yep. Day after Valentine’s Day too.” He occasionally celebrated it at times.</p><p>“Shit.” Dean scoffed, shaking his head. “You realize what this means, right?”</p><p>“That I’ve been in constant pain for thirteen years?” Gabriel remarked dryly.</p><p>“No. I mean, yeah, but no.” The hunter burst out laughing, slapping his leg. It was as if Gabriel had told the world’s funniest joke. “Cas plucked my ass from Hell in ‘08.”</p><p>“I’m aware.” Amber eyes rolled before he tapped his fingers against his temple. “<em>Dean Winchester is saved</em>. Little bro was so damn happy about it that I had a migraine for a month.”</p><p>“No, dude. Think about it. Everyone’s been giving Cas and I crap for so long, but you and Sam have more than a year and half on us. Like, fuck, man. That’s hilarious.”</p><p>“Dean, I—” Where the hell would he even start with this? He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. “Okay, Bonds 101. Yours and Cassie’s? Forged from pain, cemented in blood and tears. His weakened Grace, your tattered soul—both tried to stitch you back together to make you whole. Brothers in arms and all that.”</p><p>Green eyes narrowed. “All right. And yours and Sam?”</p><p>“I forced a bond on him. I laid these pretty hands on your brother, and my Grace basically pissed on him and said <em>mine</em>—without his consent.”</p><p>“Well, Cas didn’t have mine either.”</p><p>“See, no, that’s the thing. He did,” Gabriel argued. “You personally may not have given your consent, but your soul did. You two have a full bond. It’s why you know when he walks into a room and what not. The stares are basically your soul reacting to his Grace. Sam doesn’t have that, though. His and my bond?” He pointed at himself. “It’s unfinished. Like it’s been for thirteen years.”</p><p>“But if Sam accepted you, then it’d finish?”</p><p>“Yes, but he doesn’t. His <em>soul</em> doesn’t either. Because what I did,” he scoffed “it was wrong. He wasn’t in pain, nor was I. So, it couldn’t be your profound bond bullshit.”</p><p>“Then what’s yours?”</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“Gabriel, answer me. What’s yours?”</p><p>“The second I saw him, I couldn’t look away.” He didn’t want to answer Dean’s question, but he knew he owed it to the older Winchester to give him something at least. “I couldn’t resist. His soul—I’ve never seen anything like it in all my years. Never will probably.”</p><p>“Gabriel,” Dean repeated quieter, obviously at a loss for what to say.</p><p>“So, I did an Icarus and flew too close to the Sam-sun,” Gabriel continued to ramble, his eyes falling to the tabletop before he finished his third shot. “The second my fingers brushed against him, I knew what I did. I didn’t care. I needed him. I needed this beautiful, sweet, kind human with such a magnificent soul that called like a damn siren. I should’ve resisted. I should’ve turned away and left. I should’ve fought harder against the temptation. But I didn’t. And I knew—<em>oh, man,</em> I knew he was Luci’s vessel. I could see that too. I didn’t care, though. For the first time in my pathetic long life, I threw myself headfirst into creating that chaotic bond, tying myself to a human, promising how I’d love this beautiful mortal for all my infinite life. Swearing off all others but Sam. Claiming him as mine for all of eternity.” He shrugged flippantly before he said, “And it burned me.”</p><p>Dean lightly placed a hand on Gabriel’s forearm and squeezed sympathetically.</p><p>“I love him,” he murmured pitifully as the ache deepened into the cavern of despair again. “Love him with every single iota of Grace that was in me. I swore my allegiance, my loyalty, my blade, my Grace, my life, my everything to him in that moment. Oh, sure, I said neither of you mattered to me. That I didn’t care. It was all lies, though. I watched you dumbasses from a distance. As long as I could without any of my siblings figuring it out. And then as soon as Cassie showed up, I knew you two would be okay, so I backed off completely. Trusted my kickass little bro to protect you both, and he did.”</p><p>“So, your bond was made outta love?” Gabriel nodded back. “But cause it’s one-sided, it’s why you’re in constant pain, yeah?”</p><p>Another nod before Gabriel groaned and shook his head. Oh, hello tequila. He was wondering when he’d start to feel it. Holy tequila, though. He had a feeling he was going to feel this later.</p><p>Dean snorted, mumbling under his breath, “Lightweight.”</p><p>He glanced at the hunter, snickering when he saw Dean wasn’t looking much better than he was now. In fact, he could see the swaying mirroring his perfectly.</p><p>“Ditto, Winchester,” he quipped, raising a brow—or trying to at least. He turned back at his two shots left. How were they going to be able to take two more? From the looks they were getting from the bartender occasionally, he assumed this was a lot for any human.</p><p>“Gabe?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I fuckin’ hate Patron.”</p><p>“I know, right?” he yelled, throwing his hands up and hitting the lamp above them. He winced, scrambling to right it when he saw the bartender’s head whip their way. Once the lamp didn’t look like it was going to fall to its death, he turned back to Dean who was staring at him with a look that was half-softness and half-confusion. “It tastes like ass,” he declared, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “And not the good kind either.”</p><p>“You’d know.”</p><p>“I would know. Sorta.” He chewed his bottom lip as he sat back in the booth for a moment. “I don’t know. It all sorta tasted really moleculely back then.”</p><p>“Moleculely?” Dean repeated. “Dude, you’re so . . . fucked.”</p><p>“Moi?” Gabriel scoffed, waving his hand out emphatically before letting out a pained wince when his hand thumped against the wall. Stupid wall. Moving itself all the time. “Nah. That’s totally you. Cas—damn, little bro’s not going to know what to do with you.”</p><p>“You think?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. Now, if it was Balth, though . . .”</p><p>“That dick?”</p><p>“Hey, that dick has seen a lot of—”</p><p>“Sounds like you two boys are having fun over here,” interrupted a voice a second later.</p><p>They both glanced up with matching frowns. Who was this asshole?</p><p>“Think you two can keep it down maybe? Be respectful to those of us who don’t want to hear your drunken tales?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Amused green eyes darted to amber. “Gabe, what do you think? Can we?”</p><p>“Look,” the stranger sighed heavily. “I get it. You and the little hobbit—”</p><p>Dean let out a startled, barking laugh as Gabriel forced a dark smile up at the guy.</p><p>“Hobbit?” the former Trickster repeated slowly. “Is that supposed to be an insult there, bub?” He then held up a finger drunkenly. “Cause I’ll have you know, hobbits—they’re fuckin’ amazing! They live for pleasure. They have a goddamn shire. And—and if it weren’t for Hobbits,” he declared, jamming his finger into the guy’s squishy chest, “Nazgûls, Orcs, and Sauron would’ve destroyed the kingdoms of Man and Elves. Know your history. Jeez.”</p><p>Loud laughter roared from Dean instantly, slapping his hand against the table a few times. “Wow. Like, damn, man.” He laughed so boisterously as if it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. They were so freaking drunk. “That’s so damn geeky!”</p><p>“I know, right?” Gabriel groaned. “Your damn brother . . . he ruined me.”</p><p>The guy glanced between them before he walked away, batting a hand at them.</p><p>“Huh. What do you know? Another dude who’s all talk and no bite.”</p><p>Dean snickered, shaking his head before he groaned again.</p><p>As the hunter worked through his no doubt drunken dizziness, Gabriel’s eyes fell back to the shot. It was strange to think, but this was probably exactly what he needed. A night out and friendly big bro bonding. It was nice to get out of his head for a bit. Which he supposed was the point here.</p><p>“Gabe?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I love Cas.”</p><p>Amber eyes flicked up to meet the green staring at him. “I know. Literally the whole world knows, pal. You two aren’t, like, discreet at all.”</p><p>A gentle smile tugged at Dean’s lips sloppily. “Yeah. But that’s not it.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“I want to marry him, I think?” he admitted before he tossed back his drink. “Look. I know we haven’t even dated or anything, but . . . no one is good enough now. He’s my everything. You know?”</p><p>Gabriel smiled ruefully. “Yeah. I know.” He forced a soft laugh before he leaned forward and patted Dean’s hand. “I give my blessing. Not that it matters much since Mikey is around, but—”</p><p>The hunter shook his head, though. “You’re the only big brother Cas considers, but thanks.” Dean gave him a quiet smile. “And, you know, Sammy would be lucky to have you. So,” he grabbed his empty shot glass and held it up, “welcome to the family, asshole. You hurt my brother, I’ll end you.”</p><p>“Likewise,” Gabriel promised, clinking their empty glasses together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Dream You Wide Awake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Just like the prior days before, he awoke to warmth surrounding him in the complete darkness of his room. His body arched painfully into the delicious heat again, chasing after it like a dying man. The maddening light touches against his bare skin sent it aflame, burning hotter than a thousand suns, than his Grace even had. His eyes remained squeezed shut out of fear the sweet torture would stop again.</p><p>He should have thought harder on it. He should have at least thought <span class="u">something</span> on it. But, fuck, this felt amazing. He didn’t want it to stop ever.</p><p>“Yes,” he cried brokenly, his voice cracking as he quivered in absolute pleasure. Nothing had ever come close to this feeling. His hands curled around the sheets, twisting them at more featherlight touches. This time it was against his chest, trailing down agonizingly over his stomach and below. “Please,” he begged, pleading with uncontrolled need and want. His hips chased after the maddening brushes to his burning skin. No matter what he did, though, he couldn’t get the touches where he desperately needed it to reach.</p><p>A second later, he jerked and spasmed more. A feeling similar to a tongue lapping against his heated flesh soon was added to the torture regimen. He choked out a broken cry in response, nearly sobbing from how fucking good all this felt. His back arched more up off the bed as his fingers grasped the sheets tightly underneath as if they were lifelines keeping him grounded and earthbound.</p><p>White-hot lust surged through his veins, consuming him alive.</p><p>It wasn’t enough, though. Not nearly enough. He wanted more. He needed more. He needed <span class="u">all</span> of it. His soul screamed <em>Mine</em> over and over, building into a crescendo.</p><p>A second later, his entire body locked up.</p><p>His eyes flew open, catching the bright white ethereal glow to his sweat-glistening skin.</p><p>He was too lost in his pleasure, though, screaming, “SAM!” as the dams burst free once again, hurtling him over the edge to yet another mind-blowing orgasm of awesomeness.</p><p>It was so faint he almost missed it, but as he fell back against the bed boneless, he heard the soft loving murmur of his name in the darkness.</p><p>Unable to move or think as his mind came back to itself, he let out a weak, quiet laugh.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>He’d say it again. Nothing came close to this, not any lollipop he had ever sucked. And certainly no person he had ever been with either. This was . . . this was like being back home before it all went to Hell, bottling it, and combining it with a million others of the same thing.</p><p>His tongue jutted out, running quickly over his lips to rewet them.</p><p>Eventually, his heart had calmed down enough to allow him to reopen his eyes. The glow he had witnessed earlier was gone. All that remained now was the thick, sticky mess coating his chest and stomach. He chuckled again feebly, grateful that he remembered to sleep in the nude the prior night.</p><p>Maybe being human for the rest of his life wouldn’t be so bad after all.</p><p>He rolled onto his side, reaching for the wipes he had left out at Cas’s suggestion.</p><p>The second he was on his side, though, he felt a strange warmth slide in behind him like a person wrapping around to spoon. Not so far gone in lust this time, he stiffened. When the maddening touches returned soon after, he swallowed and inhaled shakily. Invisible kisses lovingly trailed down his back.</p><p>“What do you want?” he asked quietly. Whatever it was didn’t seem to want to hurt him, so he assumed it was at least semi-friendly. Just seriously very, very insatiable, it seemed.</p><p>Invisible fingers wrapping around his cock a second later forced a low groan as he closed his eyes at the over stimulation.</p><p>“Please. What do you want?” he repeated, swallowing down his cries of pleasure. His hips jerked erratically as his whole body shook.</p><p>A second later, he regretted asking his question entirely.</p><p>Warmth enveloped every part of him again as if someone had slipped inside him and wore him like a coat now. His eyes stared forward, his body entirely still. Soon, memories flashed in his mind.</p><p>
  <em>“So, how long have you been working here?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ve been mopping this floor for six years.” Gabe’s fingers brushed gently against Sam’s hand.</em>
</p><p>Another memory flashed then.</p><p>
  <em>“Something’s missing.” He snapped the scantily clad ladies into existence.</em>
</p><p>Another memory then came and went.</p><p>
  <em>“Sorry I’m dragging a little ass today, boys. Had quite the night last night.” He smiled lewdly, eyes dragging over Sam obscenely. “Lots of sex if you catch my drift.”</em>
</p><p>Yet another memory then flashed.</p><p>
  <em>“Please . . .” Sam pleaded with unshed tears as he stared back.</em>
</p><p>He inhaled as another took over.</p><p>
  <em>“Gabriel. The archangel?” Sam’s eyes darted over him in surprise.</em>
</p><p>“Stop . . .” he panted, closing his eyes as he gasped.</p><p>
  <em>“Gabriel, I need you!” Sam shouted, his emotions bleeding through his words.</em>
</p><p>“Sam,” he pleaded, voice cracking again.</p><p>The warmth instantly fled at once, forcing his body to sag heavily into the mattress. He groaned, coughing violently before he rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. There should have been no way that had happened, yet he knew it had somehow.</p><p>He pushed past the burn in his lungs, gasping in more air. He had to be sure. He could be wrong.</p><p>“Sam?”</p><p>No reply came, though. That didn’t mean anything truly, though.</p><p>Running his hands through his sweat-drenched hair, he groaned loudly, using the wipes to remove the previous mess. He needed to figure this out ASAP. Tossing the filthy wipe aside, he rolled himself out of bed and hobbled to the door, grabbing a robe and covering up as an afterthought.</p><p>Sam likely didn’t even realize he was doing this. Though, how the fuck his beautiful moose had figured out how to tap into the bond like that was beyond him. But, damn, was Gabriel proud of him. That took talent to do.</p><p>Using the wall to keep himself upright, Gabriel hobbled towards Sam’s. He coughed the second he stepped inside and watched Cas and Dean stand with matching surprised looks.</p><p>“Brother?”</p><p>He waved Cassie away, though, and practically threw himself into a kneel on Sam’s bedside.</p><p>“Sam, I need you to listen to my voice,” Gabriel panted heavily, his hand hovering above the unconscious man’s chest reflexively for a moment. “You need to wake up, or you’re going to kill me.”</p><p>“What?” Dean and Cas both shouted.</p><p>“What do you mean he’s going to kill you? How?” Dean’s head snapped towards the angel beside him. “Cas, what the fuck is he talking about?”</p><p>“Sam,” Gabriel repeated, ignoring them. “Wake up.”</p><p>“Brother, what’s going on?”</p><p>“It’s the bond,” Gabriel answered, not tearing his eyes away from Sam. “He’s subconsciously using it somehow.”</p><p>“How?” Cas demanded, joining him at Sam’s bedside inspecting the tall hunter with his Grace.</p><p>“Hell if I know,” quipped the archangel, “but figured out my little problems I’ve been having lately are thanks to his dreams, not mine.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Cas, what’s he talking about?” Dean chimed in. “Come on, guys. Will one of you answer?”</p><p>“That’s not possible, though,” Cas argued, brushing off Dean’s questions. “Sam’s human. He shouldn’t be able to—unless . . . oh. <em>Oh!</em> No, actually, that does make sense. I—”</p><p>“Guys, answer me. What the hell are you going on about?”</p><p>Cas sighed, finally answering. “Gabriel created an accidental bond with Sam a long time ago.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay. I know that,” Dean replied huffily. “What’s that got to do with now?”</p><p>“I must have done something to the bond when I tried to trade my life for his,” Gabriel answered offhandedly, chewing on his lower lip as he silently weighed theories. “Altered it or something.”</p><p>“Well, fix it!”</p><p>“I would if I fucking knew what I did, Winchester!” he snapped back, glaring. “However, unfortunately, I don’t! So, kindly get off my fucking back!”</p><p>“This is ridiculous.” Dean then knelt on the other side of Sam’s bed. “Sammy, wake your ass up now, or your fucking archangel here is getting roasted!”</p><p>“I’m not quite sure threatening Gabriel is wise,” stated Cas quietly.</p><p>Dean rolled his eyes before he bent over further. “Oh, Sammy,” he crooned, deciding to use another tactic instead. He then lowered his lips to his brother’s ear and whispered something. A second later, he pulled back with a shit-eating grin. “If that doesn’t wake his dead ass, nothing will.”</p><p>They all watched for a moment, but still nothing happened.</p><p>Gabriel sighed heavily, his hand dropping onto Sam’s chest when he turned to glance at Cas.</p><p>All at once, the connection between Gabriel and Sam exploded.</p><p>His head fell back as pure energy that strangely enough felt like pure Grace rushed through him. He could feel his hand knitting itself back together where he had bit it days earlier. More of his aches and pains vanished as more raw energy raced like jet fuel through him.</p><p>
  <em>“I wish we’d had . . . more time,” Memory!Sam coughed, his breaths turning more ragged. “But . . . it was you, asshole.” He gave a quiet, weary laugh that sounded absolutely heartbreaking. “It was . . . always you . . .” Memory!Sam drew in another rattling gasp. “See . . . soon in . . . in the . . . the Empty.” His eyes fluttered closed as his body slumped slightly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you, Sam,” his True Voice cried inside while Memory!Gabriel finished transferring the last of his Grace. “I’ve always loved you.”</em>
</p><p>Another memory then overlapped. One Gabriel didn’t immediately recognize.</p><p>
  <em>“My life for his!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can’t ever take that back, oh Great Messenger of Humanity,” warbled a choir of voices.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t care. My life for Sam’s. That’s the deal.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You think so little of yourself, little archangel, to sacrifice your immortal life for that of a mere mortal?” the choir toned.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“My life for Sam’s!” he repeated, radiating strength and power.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What do you mean, ‘No?’ I’m giving you—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We do not accept your sacrifice,” the voices chanted.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why the fuck not?!” he bellowed, whirling around the lights. “I’m giving you a fair deal! My life for Sam’s! Sam matters!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And you do not?” they asked curiously.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t have purpose anymore. He does! He wants a normal life, so I’m giving him that. Please. Let him take my life and live! I’m begging you!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What do you mean, ‘Why?” he snarled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why does this human matter?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“They all matter!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But you are only offering your life for this one,” the voices sang in harmonious tones. “Why does this <span class="u">one</span> human matter to you?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Because I love him!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then be with him, little archangel.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why not?” the voices challenged.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Because he’s not mine.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The bond you use to call us says otherwise.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“The bond lies.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No. <span class="u">You</span> lie.” The tones then softened as if the choir was retreating.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll give you anything! Please!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We desire nothing from you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please. I’m begging you. Please . . .”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It is not up to us. Begone!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“NO!”</em>
</p><p>Screaming silently, more memories he didn’t recall assaulted him, forcing him to witness it.</p><p>
  <em>“And the Archangel Gavriel, cherished Messenger of God, looked down onto humanity,” warbled a choir of hundreds of various voices loudly. “He saw his Father’s most beloved creatures and cared for them, tended to them over the years dutifully. He carefully removed any wolves from the precious flock to ensure their ultimate survival. Until the day he fell in love with one of his father’s creations. And on that day, the youngest of four, battered and bruised and so very tired, bound his sword, his shield, and his wings to this mortal he loved so. He vowed always to protect his human, to love and cherish him forever.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“With time,” they continued, “this bond, created from a fleeting touch, grew and strengthened with each battle and volley thrown until it was unbreakable and hardy. And on the day his beautiful human lie dying, the bond cried out across the wide universe for him to return to his lover’s side. And the breath of everlasting life from their union gave him the strength he’d always had but never harnessed until he fell for his beloved mortal.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“He offered his life as payment to save his love, and it was refused outright,” chanted the many voices that spoke as one somehow. “For his beloved human, so loving and kind, finally accepted their bond and returned it with his own mortal strength and power. Soul of Humanity and Grace of Divinity entwined, creating a union not seen the likes of before. Begging for the other’s life, they pleaded the other should live while they should not. So, the Archangel Gavriel, Heaven’s Shepard for so long, was imparted with one final gift. Their union was blessed by the great Heavenly Host itself before the two star-crossed lovers were returned to Paradise. And the Archangel Gavriel, Humanity’s Fiercest Warrior and Lover of all creatures, finally found his peace at last.”</em>
</p><p>For a brief moment, he found himself back in the bunker in Sam’s room standing at his bedside with Dean wide eyed across from him with Cas gaping at Gabriel’s side. It was as if everything had stopped for just a moment. He could hear the wild roaring in his ears. He could feel the scalding heat burning inside. He could feel it all.</p><p>Underneath his fingertips, Sam’s heart steadily beat, syncing easily with Gabriel’s.</p><p>With one last burst of uncontrolled energy from the bright white linking the two, he seized up. As the light dimmed, his body slackened in response. He was unconscious before he even hit the floor.</p>
<hr/><p>Blinking back his grogginess, he groaned and then coughed feebly as he woke. He was now back in his room he noted weakly, wondering who had moved him, or for that matter, who had dressed him. At the sound of someone shuffling at his side, he quickly decided it had to have been his brother.</p><p>“You’re awake.”</p><p>“Am I?” he muttered, gradually moving a hand to his face and feeling how long his facial hair was now. “Is Sam okay?” That was beginning to become a frequent question he was asking these days.</p><p>“Sam’s fine,” Cas replied quietly, gently patting his shoulder in what was probably supposed to be compassionate but really was just plain strange.</p><p>“Is he awake?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>At the tone used, Gabriel frowned, slowly rolling his head against his pillow towards him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>His stomach dropped at the flicker of emotions, brief and faint they were, that crossed his little brother’s face.</p><p>“Cas?”</p><p>“Sam is awake, and Eileen and Sheriff Mills are with him, as is Dean.”</p><p>“But?” Amber eyes narrowed into slits, feeling his temper rise the more Cas avoided his eyes. “Castiel, answer me!”</p><p>Blue eyes flicked to him instantly. There was a sadness to the ocean blues.</p><p>“He has requested you give him space.”</p><p>“Space?” Gabriel scoffed in confusion. “What the hell does that mean?”</p><p>Cas glanced away painfully, sighing quietly. “It means at present time, Sam does not wish to see you. Sheriff Mills and Eileen are—”</p><p>“He doesn’t want to see <em>me</em>?” He was trying really hard not to take that personally. He was really trying. But what in the actual fuck?! “And why the hell not? Because of the bond?” He could understand that, he supposed. It sucked, but he could understand.</p><p>“No.” Cas sighed deeply, his eyes falling hard to the floor. “From what Dean has gathered at least, it appears the bond is not in play here.”</p><p>“The hell it isn’t,” he growled back, quickly sitting up.</p><p>“Brother—”</p><p>He threw off the covers furiously, flying to his feet. He wasn’t angry at Sam, not really. But had any of them explained how sorry Gabriel was? If they had, he was certain his moose would want to talk. He knew they had shit to deal with, and he was fully prepared to do that.</p><p>“Gabriel, please.”</p><p>He shoved his little brother aside, though.</p><p>Who knew how long he had been unconscious this time? It was longer than a day judging by the facial growth. He had to fix this. He had to make it right. He owed Sam that much at least.</p><p>“Gabriel, I beg you, brother!” Cas called after him.</p><p>He brushed off the pleas, though, and rushed to Sam’s. Hearing Sam’s light laughter floating into the hallway, he felt his anger diminish slightly as he relaxed instinctively. He stepped inside a second later, practically sliding into the room.</p><p>Amber eyes found hazel instantly.</p><p>“Sam!” he laughed off his nerves, stepping closer as he was drawn like a magnet to the hunter’s bedside. “I know. Okay. I know.” He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Sam’s. “I—shit, I fucked up royally with you. So, I get it. You’re totally within your rights to be pissed about my forcing that bond without your permission. I shouldn’t have. It was wrong of me, and I know that. I do. And I will—I will do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I swear it. Just say the word.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Sam replied flatly. “How are you going to do that?”</p><p>The archangel tilted his head, frowning.</p><p>“How are you going to do that,” Sam repeated, his voice growing colder by the second, “when you can’t even do the one thing I asked of you?”</p><p>“Sam—” He stared back, unable to move. What the hell was happening here?</p><p>“I wanted space from you. I wanted—fuck, Gabe, I wanted to breathe again! But you couldn’t do that, could you?” His head shook while he rolled his eyes. “Course not.”</p><p>“Sammy—” Dean started to say.</p><p>“So, you know what? How about you do both of us a favor here and leave?” His eyes pierced Gabriel’s. “Like you always do.”</p><p>“Sam!” Eileen cried sharply at the hunter’s side.</p><p>“It’s what you’re best—actually, no.” Sam chuckled icily, holding up a finger. “No, what you’re best at is dying or faking your death if we’re honest. So, go do that. Anything else.”</p><p>It felt like all the air in the world had vanished somehow. A thousand Angel blades thrust deep inside with each anger-fueled word.</p><p>“Frankly, I just don’t give a crap anymore what you do.”</p><p>Gabriel numbly felt Cas step closer but kept staring long after Sam had turned away. His tongue swiped over his lips, re-wetting them. However, his words remained stuck deep in his throat.</p><p>Without a word, he turned away then and walked towards the door.</p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you!” Dean snarled behind him.</p><p>He didn’t reply. He just walked out and returned to his room, pushing the door shut behind him. He collapsed into his bed a second later, turning his head away towards the far wall to stare at it.</p><p>It was a good five minutes before he heard the hinges squeak back open as someone slipped inside. He curled around the pillow he was hugging, though, and stayed completely silent. They’d leave. Everyone always did given enough time.</p><p>“Gabriel?”</p><p>His eyes squeezed shut at the sound of his name. Figured. What did he expect really?</p><p>He ruined everything he touched.</p><p>“I know you don’t want to hear it," Dean said quietly, "and you want me to get the fuck out, but . . .” A sigh escaped his lips. “Just give Sammy time. Okay? He’ll come around once he gets his big stupid head out of his ass again. He will. Cause I know my brother. In the meantime, whiskey or tequila, man?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Love Me Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At the sounds of footsteps approaching, Gabriel paused briefly, his head turning towards his door. He chuckled a moment later when he caught Dean’s surprise as the hunter walked in with two empty glasses and a new bottle of whiskey.</p>
<p>“You’re just like clockwork these days, aren’t you, Dean-o?” he drawled before he turned away to grab his phone from the nightstand.</p>
<p>“You’re dressed.”</p>
<p>Amber eyes sparkled mischievously at hearing Dean’s question. “Awe. Miss my moping, pity party outfit already?”</p>
<p>“Well, you’ve only been in it for the past few days,” Dean quipped. “I figured . . . never mind.” He sighed deeply, setting down the glasses and bottle on top of the dresser. “So, what’s all this anyway? I mean, not that I’m complaining, mind you—you <span class="u">were</span> starting to stink, but—”</p>
<p>Gabriel chuckled quietly. “Sorry, pal. I got a hot date, so I’m ditching your ass today.”</p>
<p>Green eyes widened comically, and Dean’s mouth dropped. “W-what?”</p>
<p>Damn, that was never going to get old.</p>
<p>“Cassie and I are going out for a run this morning. Or attempting it at least.”</p>
<p>“A run?” Dean’s arms folded in front of his chest skeptically. “You?”</p>
<p>“Are you saying I’m fat or out of shape here?” Gabriel’s tone was light as his eyes sparkled warmth. He had enjoyed this bonding with the eldest Winchester. They were very much alike in some regards. “Just so I know which one to use as the reasoning behind kicking your ass.”</p>
<p>“Dude, you ate our entire supply of Ben and Jerry’s!”</p>
<p>“And you ate an entire pizza by yourself, jackass,” he tossed back. “What’s your point?”</p>
<p>Dean rolled his eyes. “So, I take it, I’m back to drinking by myself again. Awesome.”</p>
<p>“Or you could come with?”</p>
<p>“I’d rather die, thanks.”</p>
<p>Gabriel snorted, shrugging. “I’m just saying, Winchester. You got a bit of a—”</p>
<p>“Don’t even finish that sentence, asshole!” Dean growled, pointing and glaring murderously. “Or I’ll send you flying.”</p>
<p>“Hey, man. I’m just trying to help out my future brother-in-law. That’s all.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you.” Dean glanced down and frowned.</p>
<p>He snickered, shaking his head. Too damn easy sometimes. “I’m just giving you crap, man. Speaking of which, considering I haven’t heard little bro screaming yet, am I correct to assume you’re still searching for your balls?”</p>
<p>“You are such a fucking asshole. I swear. Remind me again why I spent the past few days with you?” Dean scoffed before he waved a hand dismissively. “Just go for your damn run already.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I will, and I’ll try really, really hard not to—”</p>
<p>Dean instantly stepped into his space. “If you so much as breathe a word to Cas—”</p>
<p>“ . . . yes?” Gabriel purred, grinning widely like the Cheshire cat. He so had Dean by the short hairs here, and it was glorious. They had developed one of those strange friendships honestly.</p>
<p>“What do you want?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you know, nothing really.”</p>
<p>“Gabe,” Dean growled. “Just spit it out.”</p>
<p>“I want to be your wedding singer.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not.”</p>
<p>“Yes! Come on.” Gabriel gave him a look. “Think about it. I know all the classics. And—”</p>
<p>“Dude, no. You are not—”</p>
<p>“OH, CASSIE!” he shouted over his shoulder loudly, not planning to say a word really here.</p>
<p>“Damn it. Fine! You can be the damn wedding singer, asshole!”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Dean groaned. He then glanced back at Gabriel. Uh-oh. Serious Winchester incoming. “Hey, before Cas comes running thinking I killed you, there was something I wanted to say.”</p>
<p>Gabriel heaved a loud sigh before he patted Dean’s arm. “I know, Dean-o, but you have to fight these urges, man. Because I won’t make my brother choose between you and—” When the hunter shoved him back hard with a glare, he doubled over laughing loudly. Damn, he loved this.</p>
<p>“I hope you get a bitch of a cramp in your side!”</p>
<p>He snorted before he motioned for Dean to continue.</p>
<p>“I was just going to say. My brother and I, we owe you a debt. One we can never fully repay. So, I mean, thank you.”</p>
<p>Sighing inwardly, Gabriel nodded slowly. “Winchester, life isn’t all about that, debts and collecting on them. It’s about more than that. It’s about laughing when the world is breaking. And holding on when you know there’s no chance of winning. It’s about surviving shit and stuff. Finding love born out of hate. Strength to carry on when you lost all of it because your fucking dick of a dad stacked the odds against you.” He glanced down at his worn sneakers at Dean’s look. “I’d have thought considering everything Dad threw at you guys, you’d have figured that out by now.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” The hunter sighed heavily. “Look, I know you’re going to give me a bullshit answer here, but I have to ask. How are you doing today? Really?”</p>
<p>Gabriel shrugged flippantly. “I’m up out of bed, showered for the first time in three days, and dressed in actual clothes. So, you know, I’m here.” He faked a smile. “You?”</p>
<p>“Still pissed with Sam, but—”</p>
<p>“No. Don’t be mad about that for my sake. I deserve his anger. What I did was unforgivable. It’s why upstairs is still debating on it, contrary to Michael’s visit the other day. I messed up. So, time to sleep in the bed I made for myself.” He then turned towards the door, the easy smile finding its way to his face at the sight of his little brother. “Took you long enough. I only yelled your name twenty minutes ago.” An exaggeration, but it worked for the time being. “Wow, Cassie. You didn’t need to dress up. We’re just going running.”</p>
<p>“What?” The Seraph’s head tilted in confusion. Cas was only in a pair of shorts and old t-shirt.</p>
<p>“You look good, though, kiddo.” Gabriel then smacked the gawking hunter beside him. “Doesn’t he, Dean-o?”</p>
<p>“Y—uh, yeah, I mean, sure.” Dean cleared his throat. “As good as a dorky guy in shorts can.”</p>
<p>Gabriel’s head whipped towards Winchester, raising a brow. Wow. That was . . . <em>wow</em>.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You’re a fucking idiot,” Gabriel mouthed to Dean before he turned back to his little brother. “Anyhoo let’s go, Cas-anova, shall we? Before Dean-o’s last brain cell here decide to make a return.” He moved away, grabbing Cas’s arm and pulling him out of the room.</p>
<p>They had made it to the war room before they ran into anyone.</p>
<p>Gabriel instantly stopped the second he saw the tall, muscular, and very shirtless hunter of his very wet dreams lately looking positively sinful. Sam was wearing a pair of low hanging sweats and had rumpled messy bedhead. At the sight of sweat glistening against the delicious skin, amber eyes briefly narrowed in confusion. However, when he noticed the tape wrapped around Sam’s knuckles, he decided Sam must have been working out in the gym earlier. He drew in a slow breath and forced another smile.</p>
<p>“Sam,” he murmured quietly, dipping his head politely. He then calmly walked up the stairs with Cas silently trailing behind. It was anti-climatic as hell, but for now that was all he could say.</p>
<p>They left the bunker shortly after with Cas frowning at him.</p>
<p>“Ugh!” Gabriel groaned. “What?”</p>
<p>“You did not give Sam a chance to apol—”</p>
<p>“Sam has nothing to apologize for,” he replied flatly with a listless shrug.</p>
<p>“I disagree.”</p>
<p>“You’re biased.”</p>
<p>“Well, yes, but—”</p>
<p>“But nothing, kiddo. I did wrong. He wanted his space. I’m going to give it to him now.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s—”</p>
<p>Gabriel sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “All right. Fine. You want to discuss this? Sure. Let’s chat.” He then pointed back at the bunker. “I love that gorgeous son of a bitch with every single fiber in my being. He doesn’t reciprocate, though. In fact, I hid from him for thirteen years that I had bonded with him. So, the fact I thought for even a second that after everything—Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, Empty, Lucifer, AU!Michael, you name it—that he and I could be a thing now that it’s done?” He scoffed, shrugging. “I was more of an idiot than Dean is with you. All right, sport? So, I’m going to give him his space and try to figure out how to live without him.”</p>
<p>“Brother, if you do not finish that bond—”</p>
<p>“See!” He let out a noise similar to a wounded animal as his hand clamped down hard onto Cas’s shoulder. “That’s the thing. Our bond—it’s finished now. He accepted it according to upstairs. Accepted it with his dying breath in fact. Only I fucked that up and came back, sacrificed myself for him, all that awesomeness. So, yeah, I get it. He made a choice, and here I am shitting on that choice, thinking I know better yet again because I can’t live without him. I missed my shot. That’s on me. So, now, I’m going to breathe and enjoy this crappy existence best I can. And ignore all the other crap that’s out there. Okay?” He didn’t wait for Cas’s reply. “Awesome. Good talk.” He then sprinted off, needing to move, going anywhere away from the bunker he could.</p>
<p>The more distance he put between him and it, the harder he ran.</p>
<p>“Gabriel!” Cas shouted behind him.</p>
<p>He didn’t reply, though.</p>
<p>He did what he was good at, just like Sam had thrown into his face the other day, he ran. Bolted like a bunny chased by a dog hot after its fluffy cottontail. He flew up the embankment on the left side of the door leading into the bunker, disregarding the well-worn road completely that’d take him up to the top eventually. He ran through the thick undergrowth that snagged on his bare legs and shorts, feeling knicks and cuts as the sharp barbs sliced through his skin. He kept going, though.</p>
<p>“Gabriel!” his brother shouted some distance behind him.</p>
<p>He had thought he could do this. He really had. He had thought he could move past this. But he couldn’t. That was clear now. He was all sorts of stupid for thinking he could. How could someone move on after finding the person who gave them purpose, who made them whole, who looked at them like they were something so damn wonderful and deserving of love, that they mattered, that they were that person’s whole damn world and then some.</p>
<p>And, fuck, if he didn’t want that for himself just once! Because he did! He wanted one damn person, other than Cas, to love him. Someone to look at him and see the real <em>him</em>. See past all the mistakes and screw ups—and, damn, were there a lot of those unfortunately. All the masks—so many sometimes he had difficulty figuring out which one was the real Gabriel. All the fear and hurt and pain and anger he had inside.</p>
<p>As more branches slashed against his face, arms, and legs, he hissed and clenched his teeth. He wasn’t a masochist by any means. But just doing something, letting out the deep pain he had inside, it felt like he was doing something at least.</p>
<p>“Gabriel, stop!” his brother yelled futilely behind him, racing up after him.</p>
<p>He couldn’t, though. He had to keep moving. He did, however, slow as he neared the top, grabbing a tree to pull himself up.</p>
<p>Out of nowhere, he felt a burst of longing wham into him.</p>
<p>Gasping, he hugged the tree harder to keep from falling backwards from the intensity.</p>
<p>“BROTHER!” Cas shouted!</p>
<p>Amber eyes widened as more emotions assaulted him. Guilt, remorse, fear, disgust.</p>
<p>His nails dug into the tree bark, as he groaned, feeling his body go rigid like a toy soldier.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Please come back. I’m sorry.”</em>
</p>
<p>Sam . . .</p>
<p>
  <em>“Damn it, Gabe. I’m sorry, all right?”</em>
</p>
<p>Sam!</p>
<p>
  <em>“Come back. Please?”</em>
</p>
<p>Another wave of deep longing tainted with guilt and despair slammed into him again, the bark cracking underneath his fingers as he held on for dear life.</p>
<p>
  <em>“I need you! Okay? I can’t . . . I can’t do this without you. Come back to me. Please!”</em>
</p>
<p>A moment later, Gabriel let out a sharp inhale before he vanished from the forest.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Gabriel frowned not long after appearing inside the large white, pristine office. He glanced around, wincing when he felt a stabbing pain in his side. He leaned forward against the metal desk, breathing out slowly.</p>
<p>“What the hell?”</p>
<p>“Uncle,” chirped happily a voice from his left.</p>
<p>He lifted his head up slightly and felt even more confused. “Jack?”</p>
<p>His nephew smiled even wider before his eyes narrowed on Gabriel’s side.</p>
<p>“Oh. That’s right. I forgot.” The young man snapped his fingers a second later, and the pain to Gabriel’s side instantly was gone again. “Sorry. That should be better now.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” he muttered, straightening up again as he glanced around the office. All of his pains were gone now. “Why am I here?” How was he here for that matter? He was human with a soul according to Michael. These parts of Heaven were supposed to be forbidden nowadays.</p>
<p>“Because I wanted you here.”</p>
<p>“Okay . . .” Gabriel raised a brow. “Why?”</p>
<p>Jack flashed a somber smile. “Sam—well, he was killing you.” He continued as if he was merely talking about chickens. “So, I needed to step in before that happened naturally.”</p>
<p>“All right. Thanks, I guess.” Gabriel really didn’t know how to respond to, hell, any of this. “But, uh, you could have just snapped your fingers and fixed the bond too, kiddo.”</p>
<p>“Fix it?” Blue eyes squinted at him. “It’s not broken, though.”</p>
<p>“Hate to break it to you, but the fact Sam’s trying to kill me means something’s screwy. Because even though he’s really pissed with me, he wouldn’t try to kill me.”</p>
<p>“The bond isn’t broken, Uncle. Honest,” Jack repeated. “All of these hiccups, as Dean would say, is because Sam has a piece of your Grace inside him.”</p>
<p>Whiskey eyes blinked rapidly. “Say <em>what</em> now?”</p>
<p>“When you completed your offering and asked to take Sam’s place, a piece of your Grace, well, sorta, bled into Sam’s soul.” Jack then beamed widely as if it was Christmas. “In other words, Sam has access to your Archangel Grace now. That was why you had difficulties while he was unconscious.”</p>
<p>“Fuck.”</p>
<p>“Well, yes, it is rather troubling,” Jack agreed, nodding solemnly for a moment. “However, I believe he can learn to control it, or rather harness it, since we can’t remove that piece without killing him. I’ve been speaking with Amara concerning it, and we concur.”</p>
<p>Gabriel’s eyes closed, and he let out a loud groan. Of fucking course it would.</p>
<p>“It’s always something. I swear. Just once I—”</p>
<p>“We don’t believe this is a bad thing, though.”</p>
<p>“Jack, you’re telling me that Sam has access to my Grace, to my power, with it engrained into his soul so it’s constantly being fed energy, which means he’s basically supercharged!Sam.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“That’s not—okay, kiddo. Let me put it to you like this.” He held up his hands. “Sam is sweet, cute, has a little bit of a dark side, probably a closet kink freak if we’re honest who just needs someone to show him that it’s okay to be, but he’s human. I’m an archangel: strong, sexy, a hot mess on good days, and—well—honestly, a total freak in the sheets. The kinkier the better for me.” He kept going even though Jack seemed like he was seconds from getting sick. “My power is now in the hands of a sweet, adorable, sexy puppy of a human, and it’s drawing constant energy from said puppy’s soul. That’s not good. That’s not anywhere close to good, Jack in the box. That’s bad. That’s—hell, that’s freakin’ diabolical!” He did his best to ignore the damning evidence of how much <em>The Boys</em> he’d binged.</p>
<p>“But—”</p>
<p>“Humans are not meant to have that power.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but Sam appears to be handling it rather—”</p>
<p>“You literally not even five minutes ago admitted he’s killing me. That by definition is not handling it well. Trust me.”</p>
<p>“Well, yes, but—”</p>
<p>“But nothing,” Gabriel huffed. “So, we need to come up with a plan to fix this.”</p>
<p>“It can’t be.”</p>
<p>“Yes, it can. Anything can be fixed with a little stupidity,” he remarked with a dismissive wave.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Haven’t you learned anything from Sam and Dean? We just need to come up with a stupid idea and implement it. The stupider the better.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think—”</p>
<p>Gabriel, however, wasn’t listening to his nephew anymore, though.</p>
<p>“What would Bad Idea!Dean do?”</p>
<p>He then clapped and snapped both of his fingers, his eyes sparking in obvious glee. Of course!</p>
<p>“I got it!”</p>
<p>Oooh, this would be perfect. It’d put all Winchester ideas to shame. It was so fucking stupid that he’d get an award for this he was certain.</p>
<p>“Uncle, I really don’t think—’</p>
<p>He grabbed Jack’s shoulder, though, and lightly squeezed. “Duly noted. Now, send me back.”</p>
<p>“Are you certain?”</p>
<p>“I am.”</p>
<p>“All right, but I really don’t think this is a good idea.”</p>
<p>“I know. That’s what makes it awesome.”</p>
<p>Jack frowned but sent him back to where he had been clutching the tree outside of the bunker.</p>
<p>Shaking off his disorientation, Gabriel felt Sam’s intense longing return again with a vengeance. He inhaled deeply and pushed off, whirling around. He needed to make Sam see the truth.</p>
<p>“Brother!”</p>
<p>He waved Cas off, though, trudging back down the hill.</p>
<p>“What’s going on? Where are you going?”</p>
<p>“Back to the bunker!” he called over his shoulder as he brushed past. “Got a moose to catch.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. You Spin Me Round</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If he kissed Sam hard enough, maybe Gabriel could reclaim his Grace back from his beautiful human somehow. Or maybe the unwanted kiss would upset Sam so much, his Samshine would break the bond for him. It sounded stupid enough. Something the Winchester brothers would do. Weirder things had happened. And honestly the whole back and forth crap from the younger hunter was driving him insane. He could do this. Somehow. Without losing himself in the actual fact this would be their first—nope. Nope. Gabriel was definitely not going to go there yet.</p><p>His feet thudded loudly as he rushed down the stairs.</p><p>He was semi-disappointed Sam wasn’t still in the war room, but it had been a bit since they parted. Frowning, he rushed to the dorms, moving quicker once he saw Sam just a little ahead of him.</p><p>He considered yelling at the tall Jolly Green giant he loved so, but ultimately decided against it.</p><p>A moment later, his hand roughly latched onto Sam’s bicep, squeezing it as he yanked the unsuspecting hunter around and slammed him back against the wall.</p><p>“What the hell!” Sam’s eyes widened instantly in sheer shock. His hands lowered when he caught his attacker’s identity. “Gabe?”</p><p>Without a word, the archangel managed to yank Sam down to his level, which was not an easy feat in the slightest. He slammed Sam’s lips against his in the filthiest, roughest, dirtiest, practically bruising kiss he could manage with Mr. Giant there. His leg managed to wrap around Sam’s knee, bringing the hunter down even lower somehow. The second Sam yelped out, he pressed himself firmer against him, feeling the muscles contracting from the movement.</p><p>He stole Sam’s breath, inhaling as deeply as he could as he sealed their lips together firmly. It didn’t escape his notice in the slightest that the hunter didn’t even so much as fight him on this, nor did Sam melt into it either for that matter. Instead, Sam’s fingers just remained curled tightly around Gabe’s shirt, gripping it tighter than Cas had likely done pulling Dean out of Hell.</p><p>He ground against his moose, feeling Sam’s sharp intake. His hand splayed across Sam’s bare chest, the steady thrum of Grace racing to the surface, as he tried again. He was so close now. It recognized him. It was seeking him again.</p><p>So, he decided to throw it all aside. He let his control slip. Everything he’d held back for years slammed through their bond. All <em>his</em> longing this time. The second he felt Sam wobble and pull him closer instinctively, he knew he had just damned them completely. His stupid plan wasn’t working like he had thought it would. But, damn, he felt like he had marked Sam’s mouth completely as his now.</p><p>Pulling back, he reluctantly tried to end the kiss before it went to the point of no return, which was dangerously close to happening the longer this continued and the more his control slipped. He was a few seconds too late, though, as Sam’s tongue slid across his hesitantly. Gabriel groaned, pressing even harder against the solid body.</p><p>No. No . . . this wasn’t . . . no . . .</p><p>His breath left him completely when Sam managed not only to lift him entirely off the floor but also managed somehow to slam him back hard against the opposite wall of the hallway. He felt his Grace explode inside, spreading out and filling them. The familiar warmth greeted him lovingly.</p><p>
  <em>Mine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yours.</em>
</p><p>Grace and Soul burst uncontrollably through them.</p><p>
  <em>Always.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forever.</em>
</p><p>He then shoved Sam back hard, stumbling and gasping as he wiped at his kiss-swollen lips. He tried to ignore the hazel eyes flashing angrily with bits of hurt leaking through as well.</p><p>“Now, you know how it feels,” he remarked harshly, feeling his gut clenching at his words. “When you send that longing and then shove me away.” He pushed himself off the wall, trying to steady himself. “I love you with every part of my weak, sad, pathetic soul, Sam Winchester! When you finally make up your damn mind, you know where to find me. Until then, I’m begging you not to send me any more of that yearning of yours. Because you’re driving me goddamn insane.” He stepped towards his hunter, catching Sam’s eyes blowing wider somehow. “Because all I want to do—all I’ve <em>ever</em> wanted to do—is love you.” He felt the air suddenly electrify but he trudged forward. He was too far gone into his stupid idea now to stop even if he wanted to unfortunately. And he honestly didn’t want to stop. He needed to get this out. “To show you how beautiful you are. How amazing and—all of it. How deserving and loved you’d be if you were mine! How I would never let you ever feel anything but accepted. Good, bad, ugly, whatever. I would love you forever, Sam.” He swallowed thickly, his voice turning rougher the longer he went. “I fucked up. That’s on me. But you torturing me like this? That’s on you. This bond between us—I can’t even fucking break it! And trust me. I’m trying. It won’t break to set you free from the disease and poison that I am. So, for the love of all that is holy, you keep that in mind when you decide to toy some more to get me back for my mistake thirteen years ago.”</p><p>Sam flinched, clearly at a loss for words.</p><p>“I’m sorry! I’m so freakin’ unbelievably sorry for ruining your goddamn life. I don’t know how to make that clearer to you. But if you think,” he growled, stepping into Sam’s space completely and raising himself up to glare daggers, “that I’d let you die, well, love of my fucking life, you have got some big ass fucking balls on you! Because I will ALWAYS save your ass, Sam! I will ALWAYS come back to you!” If he’d had his wings, they’d have fanned out broadly above them. “I crawled out of the damn Empty for you! To come back for <em>you</em>! So, don’t you dare decide now that you don’t want me. Because I heard you! I heard every fucking word you said! How about you think on that, huh?” He then whirled around and stalked off to his room without another word.</p><p>Slamming his door shut behind him, he stumbled back into it with a shuddered breath. His hands came up to cover his face, and he exhaled deeply.</p><p>That could have gone better.</p><p>Then again, it couldn’t have gone worse.</p><p>But now the words were out, floating above like lanterns dancing across the night sky to parts unknown. He didn’t know what would happen next. He knew he didn’t feel anything through the bond anymore, so he could at least think. But he felt worse than before. Empty. Sighing, he crawled into bed, yanking the covers up over his head. Maybe if he were really still, he’d be forgotten again. Like always.</p>
<hr/><p>At the incessant knock against his door sometime late afternoon the following day, he groaned, burying himself further into his pillow and covers. He didn’t care. He absolutely 100 percent did not give a flying walrus’s ass about anything. He was done. He had said his words, and he was perfectly fine with just rotting away until end of time now. Everything else be damned.</p><p>The banging then increased as his current pain in the ass outside his room knocked harder.</p><p>“Go away!” he growled, turning his head furiously at the door.</p><p>However, whoever it was only knocked louder then. Out of spite, he was sure.</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me?” he snarled, flying to his feet. Entirely pissed off now, he strode to his door, ready to give his current tormenter the sharpest rebuke he had ever done in his long immortal life. He wrenched it open and instantly reared back in shock, his anger quickly replaced by terrible guilt. “Eileen?” he choked out, stumbling back. What was <em>she</em> doing here?</p><p>“Hello,” she replied, smiling back as if she hadn’t noticed his reaction. She then motioned if she could step inside.</p><p>He blinked rapidly but turned aside numbly, watching her walk in a second later. He glanced back at the door for a moment and then sighed, letting it close a smidge for privacy’s sake but open enough so someone could see them together if one walked past.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Eileen asked the second he had sat down on the edge of his bed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>She laughed quietly. “I’m the one who’s deaf here, remember?” She forced a soft smile at him, eyes narrowing slightly. “How are you feeling?” she repeated, watching him closely.</p><p>“Fine.” He leaned back onto his hands, feigning extreme aloofness. Though, inside he was just barely keeping it together to be honest.</p><p>Was she truly wanting to engage in small talk here? After what he did? No. It couldn’t be. She was getting him back. Not that he didn’t deserve it. Because he did. He deserved everything he got for how shitty he had treated her that day.</p><p>“Want to try that again?” she remarked, clearly seeing through his bullshit and calling him out.</p><p>“I’m fine,” he repeated, firmer than before. If he repeated it enough times, surely then he’d start to believe his own lies, right? Wasn’t that what humans always did?</p><p>“Says the archangel who has been sulking in his room all day like a petulant child.” She glanced around, her frown deepening. “Have you even eaten today?”</p><p>“Course I have,” he scoffed, shaking his head.</p><p>“Oh, really?” She then leaned back, mirroring him perfectly with a raised brow. “What did you have then?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Her smile grew into a ‘Got you’ look. “What did you eat, Gabriel?”</p><p>“What does it matter?” he tossed back, pushing up to his feet and turning away to head over to do something. Anything else but this. He didn’t like this conversation, not one bit. He didn’t deserve her kindness, not after his childish behavior the other day. If he were a better person, a braver one, he’d have apologized the second he saw her in his doorway. But he was a coward. Like always. One who ran when things got tough. It was all he’d ever be at this point. He was making peace with it. Slowly.</p><p>She grabbed his arm a moment later.</p><p>He glanced at her, resisting the urge to push her away.</p><p>“Eileen,” he warned softly.</p><p>“It matters because you’re hurting,” she stated bluntly, forcing their eyes to meet.</p><p>“So?” he scoffed. “Since when does that matter?” He yelped a second later when she punched him in the bicep. “What the hell?” He rubbed the throbbing spot and glared. “What was that for?”</p><p>“You’re being an idiot.”</p><p>“Well, I think I’m entitled—”</p><p>“Of that we can agree,” she quipped. “You’re certainly entitled.”</p><p>He glared back. That was so not what he meant.</p><p>“Sam loves you,” she declared fiercely, throwing his entire world off kilter yet again.</p><p>He groaned loudly in response, trying to move past her again. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. Not after what he did.</p><p>“No. He does,” she repeated, stepping into his path and blocking him once more. “He loves you. He’s just afraid.”</p><p>“Eileen, please, okay, you made your point.” He tried to keep his voice steady, but he could hear the slight shake and hated it even more. “You win.”</p><p>Her eyes narrowed on his lips before she glanced up at his eyes. “I win?”</p><p>“Yes. You win.” He shrugged.</p><p>“What does that mean, <em>I win</em>?”</p><p>He glanced away and shook his head before he turned back so she could read his lips. He wasn’t that big of a dick at least. “It means you win. I’m not going to stand in the way. Hell, we both know Sam would be happier with you than he’d ever be with me.”</p><p>Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped. “You—” She punched him harder again in the shoulder before she punched him one last time in the upper arm. “You’re an idiot!”</p><p>“Stop hitting me!” he shouted back, rubbing the newly throbbing spots. “Jeez. I’m mortal now.” And knowing his luck, he probably bruised super easily, which was all he needed, considering how he felt ancient and decrepit already.</p><p>“Clearly you lost brain cells becoming one,” she retorted, glaring daggers.</p><p>“Oh, come off it.” He batted a hand at her dismissively. “You’re one hundred percent perfect for him, and we both know it. You’re drop dead gorgeous. You’re clearly a badass who isn’t afraid to call out assholes. You’re a Legacy member too and a Hunter. You’re obviously able to hold your own, and you don’t run at the first sign of danger. You have the whole package, Diana Prince. You’re perfect.”</p><p>“I’m perfect?” she stated in utter disbelief, seemingly ignoring his reference to Wonder Woman. “I’m only here because Chuck manipulated Sam, used me to distract him. I’m not important in this story. I never was. I’m—I—I’m the throwaway love interest in the Winchester Gospels. The seducer.”</p><p>“Yeah?” he scoffed. “Well, I’m the dick who killed Dean more than—hell, I lost count but way too many times—all under the guise of teaching Sam a lesson about learning to live without his brother. And then when that didn’t work, I’m the asshole who decided to throw them into TV Land to get them to understand they had to play their roles. Instead of, you know, pulling a Cassie and having the balls to flip the script and help them the second I met them.” He then forced a bitter laugh. “And you thinking you’re just a love interest here? Oh, Queen of Hearts,” he drawled slowly, “you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried.” He stepped towards her. “You’re the one who got away. The one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, not me. He only has feelings for me because of the bond I forced on him. That’s it.”</p><p>“Did you hit your head?”</p><p>He frowned before he answered quietly, “No.” He hadn’t today at least.</p><p>“Then how can you be this dense?”</p><p>“It has nothing to do with—” He cut himself off sharply and inhaled, trying again. “The fact is if I never bonded with him, he’d have been happy.”</p><p>“You really think that little of yourself?”</p><p>“It’s a fact.”</p><p>“No. It’s a thought based on fear,” she stated brusquely with a clear frown.</p><p>He scoffed, turning away again before turning back. “I’m an archangel. I’m not programmed to feel.” And yet he knew deep down he had felt human emotions from the very beginning. He had once discussed it with his father during a quiet moment when it had just been the two of them in fact. Chuck had at the time only smiled softly, saying Gabriel was made exactly the way intended. But who the hell knew what that meant now, considering how dear ol’ Dad was nothing but an unfeeling bastard who enjoyed seeing the suffering and pain on his toys’ faces?</p><p>“Then why do you always run?”</p><p>His hackles rose instantly, whirling back. “Excuse me?” He hated when people called him out on that. It was a symptom of his self-loathing, but he really didn’t need people constantly throwing that back in his face all the damn time. He did enough of that himself.</p><p>“Why do you always run if you don’t feel things?” she repeated calmly, staring him down.</p><p>“Eileen, I may be human now, but I’d—”</p><p>She crossed her arms, her right brow quirking again. “Yes?” she challenged.</p><p>A part of him considered like always to turn tail. It was his default after all. It was what worked best for him he had found, yet he knew she wasn’t doing this out of malice or spite. He doubted she had anything but goodness in her.</p><p>“You don’t understand.”</p><p>“I don’t understand heartbreak? Fear? Love?”</p><p>“I—” When she said it like that, he felt downright foolish. Of course she did. Of course she knew all about it. It was him who was floundering constantly now. He was caught between human and angelic. And he hated it. Because he wanted to feel, wanted to accept all this. He craved the utter simplicity of humanity. However, he had turned his back on his kind for so long. He had done literally nothing honestly, not that he had necessarily wanted to be a hero or anything, but he didn’t like how he had just been the comedic relief in the end, the jester and martyr. He felt like he had failed. And he supposed he had in a way. He had failed spectacularly. The only thing he was ever good at was running. As Sam said. As Eileen was pointing out. As Dean had remarked as well. Running and dying.</p><p>Sighing heavily, he hung his head and closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping.</p><p>“I screwed up,” he admitted quietly, forcing his head back up for her. “Nothing I do will ever make up for that. I ruined—<em>ruin</em>—everything I touch.”</p><p>“Didn’t I hear Castiel claim you’re the reason the platypus is a thing?”</p><p>A smile tugged at his lips faintly before he nodded slowly. “Yes, but that’s hardly—”</p><p>She waved him off, though. “You created an animal who broke the mold in every way.”</p><p>“I basically Frankensteined the poor thing.” In more than one way in fact if he were honest. He did love the cute little things, though. They were hardy, vicious if need be, but ultimately just chilling little guys. They were his greatest creation, save for Cassie, but that was a story for another time. One he’d take with him to the grave now.</p><p>“But it survived. How many other animals did Chuck create or you and your brothers that didn’t? You made it cute but deadly.”</p><p>He had. That was true. And he had made the platypus for Cas, wanting to cheer him up for some reason. He couldn’t remember why anymore, but he was sure it had something to do with Cas being, well, Cas. He could recall, though, his dad’s look at it when Ralphie had spilled the beans. It wasn’t pride. He knew that much. Chuck rarely had ever looked at him with pride. Sometimes he’d get the occasional affectionate one, but again it was seldom. That look, though. He still couldn’t explain it. Guarded uncertainty maybe was the best way to describe it. Possibly. He didn’t know why, though.</p><p>“Like yourself, I’d imagine.”</p><p>His head instantly tilted. Like him? He was hardly deadly. That would have required him to fight. And he hardly ever did, choosing the pacifist way or coward’s depending on one’s point of view. The rare occasions where he did fight, he usually tricked to escape, ended up injured, or died.</p><p>“You’re an archangel. You said it yourself. Archangels are fierce warriors.”</p><p>“My brothers are—<em>were</em>,” he muttered quietly. Mikey probably still was, but he was upstairs.</p><p>She sighed heavily then, clearly growing increasingly more annoyed every second.</p><p>It was the truth, though. Defensively, he was amazing at protecting himself. When it came to offense, he was more than adequate but hardly anywhere close to his brothers’ skills. Unless he lost control, then all bets were off. If he lost control, then he was a rabid honey badger out for blood.</p><p>“Fine. Then I’ll just tell Sam you’ve moved on. That you decided he wasn’t worth it after all.”</p><p>He recoiled inside at her words but forced himself not to respond. She was wanting him to take the bait. He couldn’t, though. It was when he did that he’d mess up. It always was. He wasn’t much different from a fish in that regard, always taking the bait and getting caught on the hook in the process.</p><p>When she cocked her head in disbelief, he stood his ground.</p><p>“I don’t understand you.”</p><p>“Join the club,” he remarked, forcing his smile to keep from crumpling completely.</p><p>“You’re afraid you’re not good enough for him, and he’s afraid you’re too good for him.”</p><p>“What?” How the hell was Gabriel too good? What the hell kind of grass was his moose eating?</p><p>“He thinks he’s damaged because of everything that’s happened over the years.”</p><p>“That’s—I—” Sam couldn’t honestly think that, could he? Exhaling forcefully, Gabriel swept back his hair. Was that all that was between them? Seriously? When Eileen’s hand gently grasped his forearm, he glanced at her and waited.</p><p>“In case you were wondering,” she started to remark, “I’m Team Sabriel.” She beamed at him proudly. “All the way.”</p><p>He forced a weak laugh, shaking his head. She was absolutely perfect. If he hadn’t been bonded already to Sam, she’d be a close runner-up for certain. “Eileen—”</p><p>“When he’d talk about you, he’d light up. I called him out on it once actually, not knowing the whole story. I’ll always remember the look on his face in that moment. It was a man who missed someone he cared for deeply. He defended you to Dean a few times in fact. Said your heart was always in the right place, you just somehow always managed to go about it the wrong way.”</p><p>“He’s not lying there.”</p><p>She smiled faintly, bowing her head.</p><p>“Gabriel, he may be pushing you away now, but he doesn’t want you to stop trying. He’s so used to that from people.”</p><p>“I know.” He sighed heavily. “Which is why I keep saying how he deserves better than me.”</p><p>“You sacrificed your power to save him.”</p><p>“I did more than that,” he replied quietly, glancing back at her when she gently tilted his head back up. He frowned when he saw her confusion. “A part of my Grace latched onto his soul. It’s constantly being fed now, so we basically have Super!Sam out there right now. All because I refused to let him choose for himself what he wanted for once.” She opened her mouth to speak, so he barreled forward. “All his life, he’s had others force him to do things he didn’t want to do. I’m no better than them really. He was ready to die.”</p><p>“Because he believed he was going to be with you,” she pointed out. “And if you don’t believe me, well, talk to him. He was ready to die because he was certain that you two would be together then.”</p><p>“He loves you!”</p><p>“Loved!” she corrected. “As in past tense.”</p><p>“He still loves you,” Gabriel argued, scoffing and batting a hand at her dismissively.</p><p>“Not as much as he loves you actually,” she remarked with crossed arms. “You pulled yourself out of the Empty for him. To save him. Do you really believe he hasn’t thought of that?”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“Oh, it <em>does</em> matter. It matters quite a bit. You came back to him, Gabriel. You continue to come back to him.”</p><p>“Because I continue to run from him.”</p><p>“Except this time,” she stated. “This time you ran <em>to</em> him, and you continue to run to him. He’s the one pushing you away this time.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“Why? Why do you think that doesn’t matter?”</p><p>“Because he’s right.” Gabriel forced a dark laugh. “I’m good for two things in life: comedic relief and dying. That’s it. That’s all Dad wrote me to do.”</p><p>She stared at him for several moments in uncomfortable silence. He swallowed more than few times, convinced she was going to punch him into Saturday. However, she didn’t. She just kept staring before she finally exhaled loudly and pulled him in for a hug. He stood there, his arms by his side limply, confused. What was going on here?</p><p>“You are so much more than that, and you know it. I don’t know where this self-loathing of yours is coming from, but that’s not the Gabriel Sam told me about for hours on end.”</p><p>She slowly pulled back with a sad look on her face.</p><p>“You’re both hurting. I get you need time. Being human has to be overwhelming, but you are more than what Chuck wrote you to be. So much more than comedic relief, Gabriel. Just as I’m more than the temptress. We’ve evolved. We control the story now. We do.” She gave him a chaste kiss to the cheek. “Talk with him. Please.” She then walked out silently, leaving him to stand utterly dumbfounded.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Cupid Shuffle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A couple of hours later in a pair of loose sweatpants and black t-shirt, Gabriel sighed heavily, his stomach loudly protesting his refusal to eat yet again. He was now to the point of starvation where he was horribly nauseated. He leaned forward, head between his knees as another wave rushed through him. He should have eaten a long time ago. He got that. He was learning that lesson. He wouldn’t forget it ever again. For real.</p>
<p>Drawing in breath, he tried to concentrate on something else, anything else. He tried to think back to his earliest memory. Though, the emotional scars quickly sent him scrambling, tossing on the fuzzy slippers next to his bed and escaping the bad mojo the silence brought up. As he rushed past Sam’s closed door, he didn’t even glance at it. He just strode down the corridor, hoping Dean had stashed food away again somewhere.</p>
<p>He wasn’t a bad cook. He wasn’t. He was actually pretty good at the human stuff for the most part. He had to be having lived as one for so long while in hiding from upstairs. In fact, as he went through the list, he was pretty good at human-ing. Personal hygiene he was amazing at. He loved bubble baths like none other. Self-sufficiency like foraging for food—he was pretty all right at it. He knew his way around a stove and microwave rather efficiently. And he knew one always needed to keep the proper amount of beer in a fridge, nice and cold, always at the ready for anything. He also knew if milk smelled a little bad, it probably wasn’t good anymore, not to mention how in bad taste it was to put spoiled milk back in the fridge too. Dishes—hell, he loved washing them and doing all that crap. Though, he’d dissolve into childlike tendencies occasionally with the foamy bubbles, but he’d always keep it clean once he finished.</p>
<p>Dean had joked not long ago that Gabriel could stay since he was clearly housebroken. It was ridiculous how proud of himself he was at Dean’s words. However, he was proud of himself. Really super proud because for once he felt like he was a contributing member to this ragtag gang of misfits.</p>
<p>Flicking on the kitchen light a few moments later, he headed towards the fridge. He frowned after opening it. There was a lot of food in there. None of it spoke to him, though. At least not in the way he wanted it to that was. He slammed the door shut soon after and turned away, swallowing when he felt another wave pass by. Something small then. Saltines or something. He spent the next few moments rifling through the cabinets, not finding a single box of anything but more bottles of alcohol. He leaned more onto his hand holding him up, stifling a groan as his head hung.</p>
<p>A noise further in the bunker pulled him from his troubles briefly. Dean and Cas must have been watching a movie in the Dean cave. It wasn’t ideal, but he needed food. And everything he had found so far, he knew was not going to last long in his stomach. He had waited too long.</p>
<p>Accepting his fate, he slowly headed off towards the rec room. He had to stop a few times, but eventually he was good again and continued further down the corridor. Though, if he managed to make it there without getting sick, it’d be a damn miracle.</p>
<p>Sounds of some old Western movie—that he was sure his brother was positively <em>thrilled</em> to be watching—filtered through the cracked door of the Dean cave as he approached. He brushed it aside and pushed the door open.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he started to say, instantly stopping when he caught his brother leaping back from Dean. <em>Oh. </em>He then winced sympathetically as it became obvious what he had walked in on. “Sorry.” He truly hadn’t meant to cockblock here.</p>
<p>Dean waved off his apology, though, clearing his throat as he tugged his old rock t-shirt back down. “What’s wrong?” He gave a quick look at Cas, who slowly approached with slightly reddened patches of shame to his cheeks, sloppy undone tie, and half-opened button-down shirt.</p>
<p>“I was trying to find some crackers.”</p>
<p>Deep green eyes narrowed briefly before softening in quick understanding.</p>
<p>“Oh, well,” Dean stood, “let’s go find you something, all right?”</p>
<p>He hated the sympathy he was getting from the eldest Winchester. He had only after all killed the poor hunter a thousand or so times long ago. However, he pushed through his guilt and nodded. He had a lifetime of watching others not be honest, hide things, so he knew the damage that did. When Cas stepped up to his side a second later, Gabriel let out a quiet chuckle, his hand dropping onto his brother’s shoulder to distract himself from the uneasiness inside.</p>
<p>“Next time make sure to hang the tie on the door, will you?” he teased lightly. “Though, kudos to you crazy kids for getting me back . . .”</p>
<p>“Getting you back?” Cas’s eyes squinted. “I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>“The whole thing with me and Red in the library?” Not even a flicker of recognition could be seen. “Seriously?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, honestly, we sort of just, you know, blocked that particular event from our brains,” Dean drawled back with a flippant shrug. “It’s easier that way.”</p>
<p>Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You know, for the record, she wasn’t half bad.” He snickered when he caught Cas and Dean’s instant grimaces. They were too damn easy.</p>
<p>“Dude,” gruffly huffed the eldest Winchester, “just keep that shit to yourself.”</p>
<p>As if he would ever do that. Where was the fun in that? When a ray of light bounced across his face for half a second against something, though, he came up short and paused in confusion. The second he caught the ring on his brother’s finger, he grabbed a hold of Cas’s hand to bring it closer.</p>
<p>Hunger nausea temporarily forgotten again.</p>
<p>“Wait . . . he asked?” Gabriel’s eyes darted to Winchester, catching the badly hidden grin. “You finally asked him?”</p>
<p>“How did you—”</p>
<p>“I asked for his blessing the other day, Cas,” Dean laughed quietly. “And he said yes obviously.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>Both Dean and Gabriel frowned.</p>
<p>“Cause it’s the proper thing to do, angel. That’s why. Traditions and all that.” The hunter shrugged. “You ask the person closest to the one you want to marry for their blessing.”</p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, brat,” Gabriel sighed, shaking his head before he instantly stopped and doubled over with a groan. At the instant feel of the hand to his back, he pressed his lips together and kept his eyes firmly shut. He breathed through his nauseousness. This was getting more and more annoying.</p>
<p>“Be honest with us.” A quiet sigh followed. “When was the last time you ate?”</p>
<p>“A day . . .” His voice lowered further before he whispered, “or two. I don’t know.” He shrugged lightly. “The days all sort of blend together sometimes.”</p>
<p>“Are you—” Dean instantly cut himself off, likely thinking better on whatever he was going to say. “All right. Let’s try some crackers first. I think I have some ginger ale in the fridge too.”</p>
<p>“Cool.” When he felt both Cas and Dean wrap their arms around him, he sighed annoyedly. “Seriously, guys?”</p>
<p>“Please,” Cas murmured on his right.</p>
<p>“What he said. Cause—got to say, dude—you look like absolute shit right now.”</p>
<p>“Wonderful.” Rolling his eyes, he instinctively leaned more onto his brother, hating himself even more for it. “I’m starving to death, but you’re the one coming out and making comments on how much of a hot mess I am. Thanks, Dean-o.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” he scoffed. “Who’s the idiot who went without eating here?”</p>
<p>Gabriel made a displeased noise that even he didn’t know how to describe really but let it drop. He kept his head bowed, letting Dean and Cas guide him back to the kitchen. He was absolutely not doing well, and he knew it. Had it been longer than two days then? He honestly couldn’t remember the last time was that he ate anything, which he knew wasn’t a good sign.</p>
<p>“I don’t get you angels,” Dean muttered beside him. “You’re curious about the whole human experience, but when you end up one? You either complain like Cas does about having to piss or forget to eat. Superior race—I mean, okay. At least I can tell when I’m—”</p>
<p>“Dean,” Cas huffed from the other side.</p>
<p>“No, it’s fine,” Gabriel sighed. “He’s right.” He then caught them stopping and frowned as he glanced at Cas first, then to Dean. “What?”</p>
<p>“All right. That’s it.” Winchester helped him over to the wall to take a break for a moment. “I have to ask this.”</p>
<p>Ask what? Amber eyes darted to his brother, taking note of the somber look. Never a good sign in his experience. What was going on here? Why were they both looking at him like that?</p>
<p>“I know my brother’s being, well, Sam right now, but you have to admit. This? This ain’t you. You should have been dragging my ass just now about that comment. Telling me to go fuck myself or something. Instead you accept it? No quips? No nothing?” Dean’s hand rested gently against Gabriel’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “Gabe, dude, come on. You keep down this path of yours, and you’re going to find yourself on a really shitty dark road. Trust me. I’ve been on that one lots of times myself. Whatever this is that you’re tearing yourself up about this time, you have to let it out. Otherwise, it’s going to claw itself out of you and eat you alive. Hear me?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he replied softly, his eyes falling to the floor. He heard him. Sighing, he let his head thump back against the wall, feeling the cool stone against his skin.</p>
<p>“Talk to us. What’s going on? I mean, I can’t make my brother pull his head from his ass, but I can listen.”</p>
<p>“I kissed Sam,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Congratulations,” beamed his little brother, clearly not understanding why Dean and Gabriel weren’t as thrilled about it as Cas was. His brother’s smile then quickly fell away in realization.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I let Bad Idea!Gabe take the wheel,” he explained needlessly, “and I kissed him.”</p>
<p>“And?” Dean urged quietly.</p>
<p>“And I showed him what it felt like when he toyed with me through the bond.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>Gabriel’s head hung dejectedly. “I shouldn’t have done it. I knew that the second I did it. I thought I could control it, though. I thought I was stronger.” He scoffed. “Thanks to my stupidity, I foolishly now strengthened the bond instead, and wouldn’t you believe it that it won’t let me forget either.” He closed his eyes. He couldn’t explain why he was opening himself up to them like this. Maybe because he felt safe with them. Maybe because he wanted it to stop. Maybe he was growing as a person. Maybe he just didn’t care. Whatever the reason was, he just kept talking, admitting truths that he had buried since his return. “It hurts and won’t stop. I have no one to blame for that but myself for this. I know that. I thought if . . . if he could feel what it felt like, it’d break the bond. That he’d realize the best thing he could do was break it and save himself. But no cigar.”</p>
<p>Their bond was still there. It was still very much in control. He couldn’t do anything, yet he honestly didn’t want to either, though. He deserved this pain after what he did. He deserved all of it.</p>
<p>“Is that why you haven’t been eating?” Dean asked quietly. “Because it’s punishing you?”</p>
<p>“No.” He flicked his wrist lazily. If that were the only reason, he’d be happy. “I merely didn’t think about eating. All I thought about was how empty I felt inside. The guilt too if we’re honest. Eileen called me out on my bullshit earlier, but . . . I didn’t listen.” He exhaled even louder, running a hand through his hair. “I never listen. I always think I know better and fall flat on my face for it, too.” He leaned forward when his stomach protested loudly, trying to breathe through the pain.</p>
<p>“You good?”</p>
<p>“Define good,” he huffed, drawing in shallow breaths as he remained bent over. At the feel of a hand against his back, he choked out a gasp, wincing and trying to shove back the terrible pain he felt. However, at the feel of Grace seeping in a moment later, his eyes narrowed in confusion before he gingerly tilted his head towards his brother: the most logical explanation.</p>
<p>“That should ease it for now,” Cas explained softly.</p>
<p>Gabriel blindly reached forward, grabbing a hold of his brother’s arm and squeezing it gratefully.</p>
<p>“However, that is only a temporary fix.”</p>
<p>“I know.” He gave one last firmer squeeze of Cas’s forearm before he pulled back and stood up. He could still feel the pain and nausea, but it was much more buried than before. He felt the two wrap their arms around him tighter before they continued their walk to the kitchen. When he felt his pain vanish unexpectedly, his eyes widened while his entire body tensed.</p>
<p>“Gabe?”</p>
<p>He stumbled with his next step, grateful Dean and Cas were quick to keep him upright.</p>
<p>Hazel eyes darted from him to Dean then Cas before they returned quickly to him once more.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Sam instantly stepped up into Gabriel’s space as if everything from before was forgotten and all that mattered was the former archangel who clearly wasn’t doing well.</p>
<p>“Eh, you know, angels, man,” Dean replied glibly, saying nothing when his comment earned him a deep glare. “They sometimes forget that pesky little fact we humans have to eat every now and then.”</p>
<p>“What?” Sam turned back a second later, shaking his head. He instantly adopted a softer look when he met Gabriel’s confused look. “Let’s find you some broth then.”</p>
<p>“Actually—” Dean instantly went silent, receiving yet another murderous look. “Never mind.”</p>
<p>He hadn’t meant to drive a wedge between the brothers. “You don’t have to—”</p>
<p>“I know, but I <em>want</em> to,” Sam argued. “We have some things we should talk about anyway. So, please, let me help, and we’ll talk. We should have done it long ago, which I know was completely one hundred percent my fault, and I take absolute blame for it.”</p>
<p>“Sam—”</p>
<p>“Please?”</p>
<p>Sighing, Gabriel glanced at Cas. Sam was right. They had put off their talk long enough, but he wouldn’t have enough strength for this. There was no way. He was dead on his feet even with Cas’s little temporary boost earlier.</p>
<p>“Not sure how long I’ll last once you get food in me, though,” the former archangel admitted quietly, glancing at Sam somberly.</p>
<p>“Understood.” He then offered his arm. “If you need it.”</p>
<p>“What? You’re not just going to pick your bond mate up bridal style?”</p>
<p>“Do you want me to?” Sam replied as if it was the most natural thing in the world. As if they hadn’t been walking on eggshells around one another since Gabriel’s return. As if they hadn’t done things that hurt the other. As if everything from the past wasn’t there between them like mountains.</p>
<p>The question gave Gabriel pause for all the above reasons and so many more. Did he want Sam to? Hells yeah. He actually wanted more than that, but it was the end of a very tragic fate for them. So, instead, he forced a soft smile.</p>
<p>“Well played.”</p>
<p>Sam blinked hard for a brief second before he frowned. “Uh, all right.”</p>
<p>Deciding to put his feet forward, he stepped towards Sam, giving a slight nod in acceptance for the assistance. The second he felt Sam’s arm wrap around him, he felt the rogue piece of Grace respond. He knew Sam could feel it as well by the look in the hazel eyes, but if Sam was going to ignore it, so would he then. They walked away from Dean and Cas soon after slowly, walking into the kitchen a few moments later. He gave a brief, small smile when Sam helped him sit at the table before the hunter darted off to work on the broth.</p>
<p>“If you can just find crackers—”</p>
<p>“No, it’s fine,” Sam replied, batting a hand towards him. “I’ll warm up some soup. Are you okay with chicken noodle, or, I mean, it looks like we have just plain broth too?”</p>
<p>“Chicken’s fine.” At least he assumed it was. He hadn’t had chicken noodle before.</p>
<p>“All right.”</p>
<p>Gabriel watched the tall Jolly Green Giant in the freaking sexy gray low hung sweats go about cooking for him. He swallowed every time he glimpsed that delicious—yep, yep, he was going to stop right there. He frowned when he saw Sam pause in mid-reach for something.</p>
<p>“Everything all right over there?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Sam’s shoulders slumped visibly before turning back. “Sorry. I just, well, I felt—”</p>
<p>Amber eyes closed in guilt. “Oh, crap. Sorry. I-I didn’t mean for you to feel that.”</p>
<p>“No.” Sam gave a quiet laugh. “It’s fine. You’ve always made it obvious how you’d—what was that phrase again—<em>bend me over and mark me as yours</em>?”</p>
<p>“Well, not exactly in those terms but yes.” He felt a smile tug at his lips at the gentle laughter.</p>
<p>“Of course.” Sam then sighed quietly, looking Gabriel over silently. He turned away a moment later, quickly returning back to work again.</p>
<p>“I appreciate you doing this for me.” When he caught the pause in stirring again, Gabriel frowned. “Sam?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” He was certain he had closed himself off enough. It was a little tricky to confirm without Grace to know for certain, but he was fairly confident he had it right. Where there was a will, there was always a way. Humans taught him that.</p>
<p>“Nothing. Everything’s fine.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure? Because you’re not exactly giving off those sorts of vibes.” He heard Sam’s huffed, unamused laughter and felt even more confused by it. “Talk to me.”</p>
<p>“You first,” Sam replied, turning back around sharply. “Explain to me why you’ve decided to lay down and just stop living, will you?”</p>
<p>“I’m not—”</p>
<p>“Really?” He stared back neutrally. “Because not eating, not exactly a sign saying—”</p>
<p>“I forgot, all right? I’m not used to—”</p>
<p>“Bull,” tossed back Sam. “You used to eat sweets, desserts, whatever whenever you wanted.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but I never tasted it like I can now.” It always tasted bland. Now, he could actually taste flavors. He had things he hated for once. “I can actually enjoy it.”</p>
<p>“Then why aren’t you?” he asked, pointing the ladle at Gabriel.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Sam scoffed, shaking his head. “Fine. Well, you’re eating this. Because if you can decide to bring me back to life, well, same goes for you, jackass.”</p>
<p>Gabriel snorted. “Or what? You’re going to tie me down and force me?”</p>
<p>“If I have to, yeah.”</p>
<p>“I’d like to see you try, bucko.”</p>
<p>“Keep it up,” Sam remarked, waving his ladle more “and I’ll show you what happens to naughty brats like you.”</p>
<p>“Careful there,” he drawled back with an easy smirk. “Someone might think that’s a promise.” He was still starving, but the playful banter between them almost felt like home in a way, safe, almost welcoming. He didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want to return to how things had been ever again.</p>
<p>“More like a warning.” Sam turned back to the stove then before turning off the burner and moving the pot over to an unused one. The soup must have finished.</p>
<p>Sighing, Gabriel’s eyes fell back to the table. He could feel the uneasiness settle back into the room, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. When the bowl of chicken noodle appeared in front of him a moment later, he flinched before he forced an apologetic, thin smile.</p>
<p>“Sorry.”</p>
<p>“No worries,” murmured back Sam, starting to take a seat across from him with his own bowl before he paused and glanced across the table. “I probably should have asked this before, but did you want a glass of water or anything? I think Dean has some whiskey stashed somewhere too I suppose I could find if need be.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, thanks.” There was the sweet, caring man he fell in love with all those years ago.</p>
<p>The hunter nodded jerkily before he sat down, his head hanging almost instantly.</p>
<p>Gabriel had messed up epically. He knew that, and he was going to put in the effort. He was going to fix this whatever the cost. Though, he didn’t know how he was going to do it specifically, but he knew he would.</p>
<p>He thought back on his conversation earlier with Eileen. She had told him to reach out to Sam. To talk with the giant with a heart of gold. Here he was, though, letting the words remain unsaid.</p>
<p>After a few more minutes passed by, he finally sighed and made up his mind. Here went nothing.</p>
<p>“Sam—”</p>
<p>“—Gabe—”</p>
<p>They both laughed awkwardly at the realization that they both had talked simultaneously.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Gabriel chuckled softly, motioning for Sam to go first.</p>
<p>“No, really, it’s okay. Go ahead. I’m the one who cut you off. I can wait.”</p>
<p>“I was just going to be lame and thank you for the soup.”</p>
<p>Sam snorted quietly, biting back a smile. “The soup you still haven’t even tried, you mean?”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m working up to it here. Grow some patience, will you?”</p>
<p>Hazel eyes rolled dramatically before Sam started to eat his silently.</p>
<p>A few more moments later, the silence had grown to levels that were causing Gabriel to fidget horribly. He was tapping the spoon in his hand lightly, occasionally stirring the noodles. He had always hated the silence. Always. It was the one thing he knew from the start. Silence was deadly for him. It let his mind wander, and whenever that happened, bad things happened. He forced out another loud exhale, sounding entirely like an unruly teenager who thought life was unfair. When he noticed Sam still wasn’t breaking the noiseless loop they were in, he dropped his spoon down loudly, catching the hazel eyes jerking over to him in surprise.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I lost control earlier when I was trying to steal my Grace,” blurted out the former Trickster. “But I’m absolutely not sorry for kissing you. I’m not.”</p>
<p>Sam’s brows rose into his hairline as he stared back helplessly.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I forced the bond on you too. I really am, but, Sam, I . . . in just that fleeting second of meeting you, I knew I would do anything for you, that <em>you</em> were the thing I was missing.”</p>
<p>“I, um, <em>okay</em>?”</p>
<p>“I get that I violated you by forcing it onto you against your permission and then hiding it and everything. I do. And you can scream, rant, do whatever you need to do. I understand. However, that bond made it so I could save you, Sam. It made it so I could offer my life for yours. I’d pay the price of my Grace every single time if it meant you could be laughing and happy for a few more moments on this planet. Please don’t ever think I wouldn’t. I swore everything to you in that moment, Sam. My blade, my Grace, my love, my everything. <em>Me</em>,” he emphasized, pointing to himself. “You know, the selfish asshole of an archangel who wanted his brothers to stop fighting and fled to Earth when they didn’t. I mean, yeah, it was still pretty selfish, but for once in my life, I had this beautiful mortal in front of me who reminded me of everything that’s great and awesome about life. So, sue me if I wanted to protect the only human whoever mattered and keep you alive just a little bit longer.”</p>
<p>Gabriel then sighed inwardly, letting his head bow before he finally took his first mouthfuls of the human cure-all for everything. He closed his eyes the second he tasted all the flavor bursting with life. No more bland molecule meals for him. He took another spoonful, quicker than before when the first didn’t upset his stomach. He was on his fifth one, slurping up noodles now like the child he was at heart, when Sam finally spoke.</p>
<p>“Was it real?”</p>
<p>Amber eyes blinked hard before he glanced at Sam. “Was <em>what</em> real?”</p>
<p>“You said you offered your life for mine.”</p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p>“How? By accepting the bond?”</p>
<p>“No.” He shrugged dismissively. “I had already accepted it long ago. However, when I came across you and saw you propped up like that against the bookcase, I-I don’t know.” When his eyes met Sam’s, Gabriel swallowed guiltily. “Actually, no, that’s a lie. I begged my brothers and sisters to save you. And when they didn’t, I . . . I pulled the Hail Mary card.”</p>
<p>“Which is <em>what</em> exactly?”</p>
<p>He forced a quiet laugh, shrugging. “Every now and then back in the early days of Creation, Daddio and Death would have a sort of meeting to go over souls and other things.” A complete and utter gross oversimplification of what actually happened, but it’d work for now.</p>
<p>“All right.” Sam watched him closely, clearly intrigued and wanting more details.</p>
<p>“Well, during one of their meetings, yours truly decided to be a little shit like usual and may have snuck a peek at one of Death’s books.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, this was before the whole Death’s library thing happened. Luci would tell you I’m the reason for the library, but, you know, it’s Luci so grain of salt is needed there.”</p>
<p>Sam, however, focused elsewhere. “You read one of Death’s books?”</p>
<p>“More like a page, but yeah.”</p>
<p>“But angels can’t—”</p>
<p>“They can,” he interrupted. “It just comes at a cost.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Gabriel sighed heavily, leaning forward. “Do you want to hear what I read or get into the lore about Death’s books instead?”</p>
<p>“Both,” Sam answered honestly.</p>
<p>He instantly chuckled at the complete openness and smiled softly. “Of course you would.” Gabriel waved a hand flippantly and sighed. “I should have known my brainiac moose would want both.” He gave Sam a gentle, easy smile, his eyes crinkling in warmth at the sides. “At the time, Death never thought to lock the books up. Never thought anyone would be a dumbass like me and grab one to read it. So, I hugged Death—”</p>
<p>“Wait! You hugged Death?!”</p>
<p>Gabriel groaned inwardly. They were never going to finish this story if they kept interrupting one another. “Does that really shock you considering all the times I’ve hugged Cas lately or you or Dean?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but it’s Death, Gabe. Death! You should have died.”</p>
<p>“Died? No. I mean, Death’s sort of like—I don’t know—Santa Claus or something for angels. It takes a bit more than a ten-second hug with Death to kill me, Samshine, or rather would have.” When he saw Sam’s look, he scoffed. “Anyway, I hugged Death, grabbed the book, and then snuck off to read it.”</p>
<p>“All right.”</p>
<p>“I found a page that discussed how one could alter fates, alter destinies without too much cosmic consequences.”</p>
<p>“Why would you read that, though?”</p>
<p>“You want the real answer or smartass one?” He was so hoping for the smartass answer. It was probably one of his better ones. However, he was prepared for the real answer as well.</p>
<p>“Real.”</p>
<p>Yep, yet again, Vegas odds were rarely in his favor when it came to Sam.</p>
<p>“Because my little idiots brothers terrified me back then with their stupid stunts that I was sure would get them killed someday. It was a backup plan in case Balthazar or Castiel did something stupid and I needed to save them.”</p>
<p>More emotions flew across Sam’s face, faster than Gabriel could process unfortunately. Though, he didn’t blame the human. Gabriel was actually being totally honest for once, laying it all out there.</p>
<p>“You wanted to keep them safe.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“That’s . . . sweet.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, I have my moments.” He rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, hanging his head as he felt his face start to heat up unfortunately. Humans and their silly little idiosyncrasies. “Anyhoo, the page talked about a ritual one could do if death were imminent where one exchanges their life for the person dying. It was something Dad and Death were working on, I guess, as a sort of failsafe if the main stars ever died.”</p>
<p>“If Dean or I died, you mean?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Sam nodded slowly but said nothing else.</p>
<p>“Naturally, I got caught. Now, this answers your question from before, the price I paid there was the longer I read the book, the more my Grace diminished. It was forbidden knowledge, so it’d come at a cost. God and Death’s eyes only. Death was the one to find me, cause you know, why would it be my dad?” Stupid deadbeat asshole. “Anyway, I explained why I read the page, and Death just told me not to do it again.”</p>
<p>“Wait.” Sam leaned forward. “Death let you off?”</p>
<p>“Well, I was severely depleted of Grace for quite a bit, but yeah.” He shrugged. “We knew nothing about Death’s rules at the time. We only knew Dad’s. Dad of course knew what I did, but he didn’t mention it right then. They finished their meeting, Death left, and then came the lecture from Dad about meddling in things I shouldn’t have been. And what would he do with me, his little troublemaker.” He swallowed as he felt a different sort of ache bubble to the surface. “We talked for a bit—Dad and me—one of the few times we did actually, and Dad explained about the power of sigils. He ended up teaching me my symbol that day.”</p>
<p>“The Horn of Gabriel, right?”</p>
<p>Gabriel scoffed, shaking his head. “Everyone always associates that stupid horn with me. Which, okay sure, it was something Dad gave me, but I knew the power it had. It wasn’t worth it, so I left that particular party favor alone. I never wanted to force people into complying with me. There is such a thing as too much power after all. But learning my symbol Dad had for me that wasn’t that stupid horn? There aren’t words.”</p>
<p>“So you used that page to bring me back?”</p>
<p>“Yep. The part that was missing in Death’s book was I needed to add my symbol to it, my <em>real</em> sigil, so I drew it on your chest, gave you my Grace, and begged whoever was listening to take my life to save yours.”</p>
<p>“That’s where the voices came in, right?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“The chanting voices or tones or whatever it was? That was real?”</p>
<p>Gabriel stared, his mouth hanging wide open.</p>
<p>“Gabe?”</p>
<p>“You heard it?” Sam had heard that?</p>
<p>“Yeah, sort of. I think I did at least.” The human chewed on his lower lip for half a second before he continued. “I remember hearing these weird tones every now and then, but I could hear you clearly. I heard you pleading for it to save me and the tones getting angrier each time you did.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>Oh, that was . . . Sam had heard that? Seriously?</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Um, well, that was, um, a combination of Heaven and, you know, the realm Death inhabits?”</p>
<p>“So, the tones then were—”</p>
<p>“Angels, yeah, mostly, with a few reapers” Gabriel finished with a forced smile. Sam had heard angels and was still alive somehow. Oh, he was definitely thankful for the bond now. So damn thankful.</p>
<p>“Is that because I’m Sam or because of our bond?”</p>
<p>“Maybe a little of both?” Gabriel answered, shrugging hesitantly. “I don’t know. When I told Mary she was pregnant however many moons ago with the savior of God, which trust me was not at all like what they claim it was in the Bible, I was already in a vessel, so, I mean—” He frowned instantly when he caught the look on Sam’s face. “You are worse than Cassie, I swear. He used to give me that same face and beg for me to tell him more too.”</p>
<p>“At least I’m in good company?” Sam drawled, a smile tugging at his lips.</p>
<p>Gabriel snorted, rolling his eyes. “Yeah. All right.” He returned to his soup, slurping up yet another noodle. At the sound of badly hidden chuckles, he glanced across the table at Sam. “What?”</p>
<p>“Nothing.” However, the snickers gave Sam away instantly.</p>
<p>“Uh-huh. Out with it, moose. What?”</p>
<p>“You’re seriously like a little kid. It’s amazing. I mean, you’ve been around before Creation. From the beginning, and yet, you do the adorable little kid thing of eating your noodles.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, people take themselves too seriously and get bent out of shape in my experience. So, I choose laughter and fun. Makes things better for me in the long run.”</p>
<p>Sam forced a quiet, thoughtful chuckle and nodded, turning his attention back to his bowl.</p>
<p>The silence once again settled between them, but it was easier to handle this time. Gabriel didn’t feel so flighty, agitated as before. He actually felt semi-calm surprisingly. He stirred the small chunks he hadn’t gotten to yet slowly, his mind wandering once again. They were actually getting along. Better than they had since his return. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he could still get his happy ending. Get his moose that held his heart from the start.</p>
<p>“Gabe?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>His eyes flicked back over to Sam.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’re back.”</p>
<p>He smiled widely, nodding. “Yeah, me too.”</p>
<p>“You should eat more.”</p>
<p>“So should you.”</p>
<p>“You first.”</p>
<p>“Nah. I insist. You first.”</p>
<p>They dissolved into a fit of laughter soon after. Their eyes were alight with warmth and lightness that had been sorely missed.</p>
<p>“Sam?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Don’t hate me.”</p>
<p>“What?” The hunter seemed thoroughly confused for a moment. “Why would I hate you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t—I mean, I could be wrong—but I don’t think I like chicken noodle soup?” he admitted hesitantly, expecting to be told to eat it anyway.</p>
<p>Within seconds, Sam started laughing loudly, though, shaking his head. “Fair enough. It does taste kind of weird actually.”</p>
<p>“Wait. It does?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. It’s a little bit spicier than usual. The pot must not have been cleaned as well as it should have or something.” He shrugged. “Want me to get you something else instead?”</p>
<p>“No. I can finish it.” Gabriel then frowned as he glanced at the contents in the bowl. “At least the chunks of stuff. The actual liquid stuff, yeah, that’s a hard no for me.” He paused before he turned his attention back to the human watching him closely. “Wait. If it isn’t supposed to taste like this, we’re not going to end up with food poisoning, right?”</p>
<p>While he wasn’t quite like Cas and harboring a deep disdain for normal human bodily functions, he also wasn’t too keen on experiencing any of the unpleasantness that came from human illness either.</p>
<p>“I doubt it. It seemed like it’s got a bit of pepper or something. I don’t know.”</p>
<p>He stared at his smart, sexy moose for several moments before he sighed heavily.</p>
<p>“Sam.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Archangel here, remember?” he quipped, raising a hand with a confused look. “Nothing you just said means anything to me because I don’t know what either of those taste like. Remember? Magna Carta here?” He smiled inwardly when he caught Sam’s fond headshake. Now, he just had to wait for his brainy Smurf to correct his, unknowingly to Sam, intentional misuse of the human phrase.</p>
<p>“And yet we both know if I asked the difference between Twizzlers and Red Vines,” quipped Sam with a snort, blatantly refusing to point out Gabriel’s mistake, “you’d give me a book, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>Gabriel frowned. “Well, that’s different.”</p>
<p>“Oh really?”</p>
<p>“Yep.” He leaned back, looking positively relaxed and feeling it for once.</p>
<p>“How so?”</p>
<p>“Sugar content.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Sam rolled his eyes. “I should have known. Everything eventually comes down to your addiction.”</p>
<p>“My one of many, I assure you,” he drawled back with a saucy wink.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah.” Pushing himself up off the table, Sam walked around to the side, grabbing Gabriel’s half-eaten bowl of chicken noodle that had three noodles left and two chunks of chicken.</p>
<p>“Hey! I was eating that!”</p>
<p>“No, you were playing with it.”</p>
<p>“Only if I shake it more than two times,” he deadpanned. When he heard Sam’s violent coughing fit beside him seconds later, he glanced up with a cheeky grin. Oh, he really liked that color on his moose. He wanted to see Sam that particular naughty shade more. “What?”</p>
<p>“You’re incorrigible.”</p>
<p>“I like to think I’m rather adorable because of it.”</p>
<p>“You’re something all right.”</p>
<p>“You love me, and you know it.”</p>
<p>The second he saw the smile vanish from Sam’s lips, Gabriel lost his as well. “Sam?”</p>
<p>“I can’t do this.” The bowls clattered back down onto the table as Sam sharply turned away.</p>
<p>“Sam—”</p>
<p>“No. No, please, <em>don’t</em>,” his love pleaded back, seemingly in pain for some reason and refusing to turn back. “Just don’t.” Without another word, Sam then rushed out of the room, leaving the former archangel all alone again to wonder what the hell just happened.</p>
<p>It had been going so well. Until it hadn’t.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes, Gabriel let his head thump against the table quietly. Why had he said that? Clearly Sam wasn’t comfortable with the archangel throwing around the ‘l’ word yet. Though, based on what he knew about how the boys were raised, he supposed he should have expected it. It wasn’t like John Winchester told his sons he loved them a lot, was it? The brothers were raised as hunters, taught to be soldiers first, to push through whatever no matter what, to bury their emotions and memories and never think on the bad times ever again.</p>
<p>Scoffing, he shook his head. They were practically raised angelically. Hell, John Winchester and Chuck could have been the same person for all Gabriel knew with the similarities between them. He rolled his head against the cool table.</p>
<p>He always fucked things up. Always.</p>
<p>His fingers curled into his palms as he forced air into his lungs. This was stupid. So freaking stupid. Why had he said that? Everything was going so well until he said it. Until he ruined it yet again.</p>
<p>He groaned loudly, feeling his earlier jitteriness return with a vengeance. He needed to get out of his head for a bit. Just for a few hours. That was it. He lifted his head and glanced at the cabinets where he was sure a few bottles of some kind of alcohol had been stashed for emergencies. He scoffed a second later. Yeah, that was all that was needed here. Obviously. Use more of the Winchesters’ supplies and take up more space.</p>
<p>Inhaling sharply, he shook his head hard before he started to run his fingers through his hair, feeling even edgier than before. If Cas or Dean came across him, he’d ruin their engagement night more than he already had.</p>
<p>He forced out a bitter laugh, squeezing his eyes closed tightly.</p>
<p>He wanted to run.</p>
<p>He wanted to leave and never come back.</p>
<p>It was his default after all.</p>
<p>It was what he was good at.</p>
<p>His hand quickly went to his golden wavy hair, and he gripped then yanked hard on the clumps he held. No. No he wasn’t going to ruin anyone else’s night. A night out like before with Dean. He could eat some soggy bar fries or something and peep watch. It’d distract him for a bit.</p>
<p>He pushed himself up, thankful when he didn’t sway. He needed more food in him. He was fairly certain of that. He stumbled away from the table and headed out into the corridor. He kept moving forward until he reached his room. He glanced around it, feeling the suffocating air wrap around him like a python about to squeeze its prey.</p>
<p>Mind made up, he changed out of his clothes, throwing on a pair of tight jeans and old novelty t-shirt. He then slipped on socks and sneakers, grabbing the wallet Dean had found for him and the old cell he was borrowing as well.</p>
<p>Just a few hours.</p>
<p>That was all it would take.</p>
<p>A few hours in a bar, listening to the normalcy. Hushed conversations. The occasional drunk retelling sordid stories of loss. A bartender forced to smile and listen for tips.</p>
<p>It would only be for a few hours, and then he’d come back.</p>
<p>No one would probably even notice he was gone. Rarely anyone did after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Car Crash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A full plate of nachos and some chili cheese fries later, the former archangel sat in the corner of the dimly lit bar, nursing his second glass of smooth Tennessee whiskey. It was a pretty good crowd for a weeknight. Though, he guessed most were regulars judging by how the bartender had drinks poured before the person even took their seat.</p>
<p>“You all right over here, sugar lips?”</p>
<p>He huffed a quiet laugh, glancing over his glass at the brunette bartender wearing a black tank-top, leather jacket, and tight jeans.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m good,” he murmured, flashing a gentle smile at her. “What about you?”</p>
<p>She shrugged, quickly looking around the place thoughtfully. “Well, it’s a Tuesday, and this place isn’t dead for once. So, gotta admit, doing pretty well all things considered.” She then leaned across the bar towards him. “You’re running with the Campbells, aren’t you? Sam and Dean, I mean?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I was in here not long ago actually.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I remember,” she laughed. “You boys thought you were invincible til the Patron hit. Never seen Dean so happy, though. If I were you, however, I’d watch out for the trench coat guy.”</p>
<p>Gabriel chuckled, grinning widely. “Cas?”</p>
<p>“Goodness. Is that his name?” She waved a hand airily. “I only ever think of him as trench coat guy. Dude never drinks. Just sits there, giving Dean the ol’ heart eyes. Boy has it bad for sure.”</p>
<p>“You’re telling me,” he snorted. “Between you and me, though.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” She leaned even closer.</p>
<p>“Trench coat-stick-up-his-ass is my little brother.”</p>
<p>“Oof.” She leaned back. “So, <em>what</em>, having fun skipped a generation in your family?”</p>
<p>“Something like that.”</p>
<p>She patted his arm lightly. “So, what has you in my bar tonight, hmm?”</p>
<p>“Honestly?”</p>
<p>“I mean, hell, you could lie to me. Makes no difference really. I just get paid to listen, bar tend, and look pretty.”</p>
<p>“Well, you’re certainly beautiful.”</p>
<p>She cackled, shaking her head. “Oh, you are a flirt, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“The worst.”</p>
<p>“Eh. Or the best, depending on your perspective,” she purred, sighing heavily when something dinged behind her. “Hang on a sec.” She turned away and headed to the far side.</p>
<p>“If you’re thinking about Roxie, dude,” a voice said at his side, “well, hate to break the news to you, bud, but she don’t exactly swing our way if you catch my meaning.”</p>
<p>“Oh?’ Gabriel glanced at the slightly beefy man who sidled up beside him the second she left. A part of him was intrigued, he’d admit, to see how this played out. It had been years since his last hookup in a bar bathroom. And this guy wasn’t too hard on the eyes. Dude clearly worked out regularly, so stamina was definitely there. However, the guy had dark eyes and short, fluffy hair. He actually looked like a cross between MCU’s Tony Stark and Steve Rogers, and Gabriel wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that to be honest.</p>
<p>“She’s more of a flirt than anything, but at the end of the night, she closes up and goes home to her gorgeous wife.”</p>
<p>“Good for her.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but sucks for the losers out there trying to get laid.” The man then held out a hand with a playful smirk. “Name’s Tony.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel,” he offered, shaking the guy’s hand firmly.</p>
<p>“Huh. Like the angel.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure,” he smirked, “but I’m nothing like one.”</p>
<p>“Good. Angels are sort of boring from what I’ve heard.”</p>
<p>Amber eyes narrowed briefly before he shook his head, draining his whiskey. He should have been a bit more suspicious he knew, but if Tony was here to kill him, well, he’d like to see the kid try. Seriously. He was human, sure, but he still had all his years of experience fighting demons on his side.</p>
<p>“So, is that why you’re here?” Gabriel finally asked a moment later when neither had said anything in a bit.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged, his eyes darting about the small bar silently for half a moment before he turned his full attention onto Gabriel. “Hell, ain’t that why most of us are?” He then jerked his chin towards the door. “Nice bike by the way. Old Harley, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Indian actually.”</p>
<p>“Damn.” He whistled appreciatively. “You’re the thing of dreams, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“Or nightmares,” Gabriel replied with a listless shrug, tipping his head appreciatively when Roxie refilled his glass before she headed off to help another customer again.</p>
<p>“Look. I’m just going to come out and say it,” Tony sighed. “World’s going to hell however you look at it. And, frankly, we waste too much time dancing around other people’s feelings.” Of that Gabriel agreed. “You look like you’d be a good time. So, you know, if you want to forget whoever it was that broke your heart, well,” Tony’s fingers lightly danced across Gabriel’s forearm “I’d be happy to help with that. No strings. Hell, I’ll even let you top if it helps my odds.”</p>
<p>“Let me?” Gabriel gave a little laugh. Let him . . . wow.</p>
<p>“Hey, sorry, I just—”</p>
<p>“You couldn’t handle me, kid.”</p>
<p>“How about you let me see that for myself instead of choosing for me?”</p>
<p>Gabriel snorted before he glanced back towards the area where the restrooms were.</p>
<p>“Come on. Let off some steam. You look like you need it.” Tony then leaned closer, dropping his voice to a low growl. “Fine. I see you’re one of those hard to get guys. I’ll wait about five minutes. You don’t show up, well, then I know where I stand, don’t I? For both our sakes, though, I hope you do. Like I said, you look like you could be all sorts of trouble, and I’m in the mood for trouble if you catch my drift.” Tony then swept away, gliding towards the back area and disappearing soon after.</p>
<p>“Well, I see our local scoundrel got his claws in you,” Roxie remarked with a polite smile as she stepped in front of him again. “Should I cash you out or . . . ”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and put one of his drinks on my tab, too.”</p>
<p>Her brows lifted. “You sure about that?”</p>
<p>“Kid has spirit. I’ll give him that. However, those days,” he chuckled quietly, shaking his head, as he slid the stolen credit card in the machine to close out, “hell, he reminded me that those days are long behind me.”</p>
<p>She smiled widely, pulling the card reader back from him after the approval beep. “Tell the boys I said hi, will you?”</p>
<p>“I will. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I told you. I literally get paid to listen to people bitch, bart end, and look pretty.” She winked at him and patted his arm. “Drive safe now. Last thing those boys need is another tragedy.”</p>
<p>“I doubt they’d think it’s a tragedy.”</p>
<p>“Well, your brother sure as hell would.”</p>
<p>He tipped his head forward. “All right. Got me there.”</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes and turned away from him, quickly helping another customer who was complaining about the service.</p>
<p>Sighing, he headed out, heading towards the beautiful motorcycle in front of him that handled like a goddamn glove honestly. A part of him wanted nothing more than to run back inside and take the guy up on his offer. To drown out the heartache. However, the bigger part told him to quit running, to keep trying, to take the hard way and fight for what he wanted. And he wanted Sam. He really did.</p>
<p>He threw a leg over the old Indian motorcycle a few seconds later and sighed as he reached for his helmet. While he did feel calmer now, he also felt worse inside for running again. He had to quit running and just deal with things. Maybe he’d take Eileen up on her offer of yoga or whatever it was that she and Cas did sometimes. At this point, he’d try anything.</p>
<p>Slipping on the black helmet, he fastened the chinstrap and started up the engine. The second he heard the rumbling engine, he shook his head. Maybe he’d open the throttle up on the way back. Give her a good work out on the way back since who knew how long the poor thing had been locked up in the garage. He still had his quick angelic reflexes after all. He glanced around, kicked the stand up, and threw a bunch of dust and rocks up as he made his way onto the road.</p>
<p>Glancing down, he checked his speedometer, still getting used to the change in pace that came with his clipped wings. He was halfway up to the back road speed of 45. Good. And judging by how light traffic was, his earlier plan was definitely a go.</p>
<p>His eyes finally lifted to look ahead.</p>
<p>Gasping sharply, Gabriel reacted on pure instinct and swerved hard to the right at the sight of the big fluffy dog running out in front of him. The front tire dropped down into the shoulder hard, jerking him and causing him to set the motorcycle down. He slammed down, unfortunately skidding with the bike. When they both came to rest, he coughed at having the wind knocked out of him.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” he hissed once he was able to, licking his dust-caked lips and grimacing as he tried to move. Cas was going to murder him. Hell, for that matter, Dean would probably beat him to it. There’d be nothing left for Sam to say ‘I told you so’ judging by his luck.</p>
<p>Pulling off his helmet, he closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down and breathe deeply as he took stock of his injuries. His arm hurt near his wrist as did his entire right side for that matter, but it was a manageable pain. Clearly nothing that sent up flags of his impending death at least. Just reminders that he was failing at being a human again, but what else was new there.</p>
<p>At the feel of a warm, wet tongue licking his face, he reopened his eyes, finding the ball of fluff full of unconditional love he had thankfully missed. Tail wagging happily, large puppy dog eyes that rivaled Sam’s stared down at him.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know,” he muttered, lifting a hand to pet it. “I’m an idiot.” He sighed quietly. “So, what’s a sweet pup like you doing out here, hmm?” The dog, a Bernese mountain dog he noted idly based on its coloring and general look, immediately paused, tilting its head with a noise and instantly reminding him of his little brother. “Never mind.” He didn’t see a collar around its neck, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything these days he knew.</p>
<p>With another hard wince, he gingerly sat up, hissing at the burning sting of the obvious road rash that ran down the majority of his right side. He huffed a pained chuckle when the dog tried to help by pushing him with its head. This sweet canine was definitely earning its title for man’s best friend.</p>
<p>“All right. All right. I’m up.” A second later, he shook his head, digging his hand into his back jeans pocket for his cellphone. He sighed at the cracked screen not long after. Of course it was. Why wouldn’t it be? He was lucky as an archangel. He was utterly hopeless as a human it seemed. Quiet whining beside him caused him to shake his head, gently scratching behind the pup’s ears distractedly. “When I screw up, I really do, don’t I?” He smiled at the loving responding lick before he glanced around the deserted road. He was probably a few miles from the bar. He supposed he could try and limp back and ask to use their phone.</p>
<p>Deciding for him, the big dog who thought it was clearly a lapdog despite its size dropped down atop of him like a sack of potatoes.</p>
<p>“Oof. Hello to you, too,” Gabriel muttered with a grimace. A headbutt against the chin later, the former archangel sighed in defeat. “All right. I’ll stay here, but I’m definitely selling you down the river and saying you’re at fault here, sport.” He chuckled when he got another lick and affectionate nuzzle.</p>
<p>From what he could see of the motorcycle, he had wrecked it pretty good. Though, it was between either him or the dog, and he’d always choose saving the dog. His fingers lightly ruffled the fluffy fur, laughing when the pup sprawled out in utter enjoyment and demanding more.</p>
<p>“Oh, you like that, do you?”</p>
<p>Big brown eyes found his, begging for even more naturally.</p>
<p>“You’re a big brat. Sam’s absolutely going to adore you.” At the head tilt, he sighed quietly. “Yeah, you’re right. I can’t just kidnap you. You probably already have a family, don’t you? I bet they love and miss you horribly.” He sighed quietly. “Can I tell you a secret?”</p>
<p>At a lick, he rubbed the dog’s belly, chuckling. Well, least he knew it was a girl dog now.</p>
<p>“I’m the Archangel Gabriel.” The pup whined, staring up with a look of confusion. “I know. It’s true, though. I am.” He lightly ran his fingers through the soft fur with a sigh. “And I’m hopelessly in love with a human I can’t have. That said, he’ll absolutely love you. Hell, he’ll probably feed you all sorts of healthy snacks and pet you and—”</p>
<p>His eyes snapped up in surprise at the sound of a familiar V8. He noticed the dog’s head whip towards the sound as well. He swallowed the second he saw the black beauty approaching them at speeds he was fairly certain were higher than the posted 45 limit.</p>
<p>“Crap.”</p>
<p>The dog glanced back up at him as if to ask what was wrong.</p>
<p>“That’s Sam’s brother. You should save yourself while you still can.”</p>
<p>The ball of fluff, though, only turned back and waited curiously.</p>
<p>“All right. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though. Now, I’m going to warn you. You’re probably going to hear a lot of yelling, namely at me.” Gabriel sighed inwardly. “Dean’s got a good heart, though. He won’t yell at you. If he does, I’ll kick his ass for you. Got it?” At a loud huff of pure sass from the supposed lapdog, he laughed. “You’re going to fit in perfectly. All right. Best behavior now, or we’re never getting back to the bunker and letting you play with Sam and the others.” He smiled at the responding agonizing whine. “Just like that. Really sell it.”</p>
<p>A second later, the impala skidded to a halt before the doors flew open. He recognized Dean right away, but when he caught the passenger, amber eyes widened in absolute shock. Was that Sheriff Mills? What was she doing here?</p>
<p>“Gabriel!” she yelled, rushing to his side with Dean right behind her.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” he replied, waving her off with a wince. “It looks worse than it is.” The second he heard the low protective growl, he glanced down. “Hey, shh, that’s enough of that,” he murmured, tapping the dog’s nose lightly. “They’re my friends.” The dog quieted down a bit but still was noticeably not trusting of the two newcomers.</p>
<p>“What the hell happened?” Dean demanded, glancing at the wrecked motorcycle and then him.</p>
<p>“This adorable fur ball decided to play chicken with me, and I blinked,” Gabriel answered quietly. “I was going about 25 or so. It really does look worse than it is.”</p>
<p>Sheriff Mills gave him a hard look, though, clearly not buying that for a second.</p>
<p>“The second I saw him, I swerved, hit the shoulder, and bam, here we are,” he muttered. The longer her eyes remained on him, the looser his tongue became, not wanting to disappoint her more.</p>
<p>“At least you were smart enough to wear a helmet,” quipped Dean.</p>
<p>Gabriel rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“How much did you have to drink beforehand, though?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Answer the question. How much did you drink before leaving the bar?”</p>
<p>He glanced at his future brother-in-law, outraged. “Were you tracking me?”</p>
<p>He frowned when Sheriff Mills instantly placed a hand on Dean’s forearm to get him to back off.</p>
<p>“Gabriel, you have to understand,” she started to explain. “Eileen said—”</p>
<p>“Eileen? What does she have to do with this?”</p>
<p>“She saw you jackrabbit out the bunker,” Dean snapped. “Thought you were wanting to fix—”</p>
<p>“I am!”</p>
<p>“Really? Cause running isn’t really usually a way of fixing things, dumbass.”</p>
<p>“Boys, that’s enough!”</p>
<p>“I had two glasses of whiskey. Trust me. I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“Are you?” Dean tossed back, practically snarling.</p>
<p>At Sheriff Mill’s shrill whistle mere seconds later, both frowned deeply and went silent as the dog hopped up, barking at her. However, the moment she pointed back at the pup and gave it a stern look, the dog whined, laying back down on top of Gabriel with drooped ears.</p>
<p>“Now that I have your boys’ attention,” she huffed, shaking her head, “could you two stow your crap for a minute?” She then pointed at the wrecked motorcycle. “Someone is bound to head out this way eventually. So, we need a plan. Obviously, we can’t just throw it in the back, so . . .”</p>
<p>Dean sighed frustrated, glancing around the open area. “There’s nowhere to hide it without someone noticing.” He glanced at the back of his car before he heaved a loud sigh. “Damn it.” He dug into his pocket and pulled his phone out. A second later, his cell was against his ear, and he was walking away from them.</p>
<p>“How bad’s the pain really?” she asked the second Dean was out of earshot.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Gabriel replied, shaking his head.</p>
<p>“That’s not what I asked. How bad?”</p>
<p>“It burns mostly,” he stated quietly. “My wrist is probably the worst, though. I tried to catch myself when I set the bike down.”</p>
<p>She nodded, gently holding out her hand to look at his injured wrist. She flashed a light smile when he offered it without argument. She watched his face closely, slowly turning his wrist. However, it was obvious within moments that it hurt like hell, and she had barely rotated it unfortunately.</p>
<p>“Probably broken,” she said aloud. “We can see if Castiel can heal it when we get back.”</p>
<p>“He shouldn’t waste his limited Grace on it. I’ll live.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel,” she chided, giving him an obvious mom look.</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine. Honest. I can be patient and let it heal naturally. I’ve got nothing but time after all these days,” he said with a mirthless laugh.</p>
<p>“Eileen will be here in a few with Cas’s truck,” Dean announced as he headed back, angrily shoving his cell back into his pocket. “Think you’re good enough to stand?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, probably,” he replied with a curt nod, gently pushing the dog back so he could stand. He grabbed Dean’s hand when it was offered, hissing at the pain that screamed its presence.</p>
<p>“You’re going to have to jump into a shower the second we get back and clean off all the blood.”</p>
<p>Gabriel nodded jerkily, having thought of that already himself.</p>
<p>His eyes darted to the sound of an approaching vehicle, catching sight of the familiar teal truck. Eileen wasted no time.</p>
<p>“Come on. Let’s get you over to Baby.”</p>
<p>“You’re going to let me bleed all over your precious car?” he remarked, hissing at another streak of pain racing up his right side.</p>
<p>Dean said nothing, though, merely helped him slowly over to the backseat. The second Gabriel was sitting across the backseat as that was the only way his road rash wasn’t aggravated more, Dean whistled loudly.</p>
<p>“Get over here, mutt.”</p>
<p>“We’re stealing the dog?”</p>
<p>“Dude, the dog pretty much already claimed you. We’re not stealing shit,” quipped his future brother-in-law, waiting until after the animal hopped inside and laid down across the floor before he closed the door and headed off to deal with the wrecked bike.</p>
<p>“He’s not upset with you,” murmured Sheriff Mills as she glanced across the front seat to watch Gabriel closely.</p>
<p>“Could have fooled me,” he stated quietly. The entire way Dean was acting screamed Winchester was pissed with him. And, sure, he maybe deserved some of it, but not all of it. Plus, he sure as hell didn’t deserve the gross intrusiveness of his privacy.</p>
<p>“Listen. I was there when Eileen told Dean how she saw you leave. He’s not upset with you. He’s upset that he can’t fix how both of you are hurting.”</p>
<p>“Sam’s fine.”</p>
<p>“No, Gabriel, he’s not. He’s pretending he’s fine. You didn’t see him, though, just now.”</p>
<p>He scoffed. “No, I saw him run because I stupidly tossed out the L word to him.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Never mind.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel, please. What do you mean, you ‘tossed out the L word?”</p>
<p>“I was playing around and said he loved me and that he knew it. I was just jerking around with him. He couldn’t run fast enough after it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” He didn’t want her pity. He’d get over it. He always did before with others.</p>
<p>“No, you—Gabriel, he didn’t run because of what you said. Honest.”</p>
<p>“Well, he sure as hell didn’t run because of Dean,” he scoffed. “And it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. He’s made it clear—”</p>
<p>“These boys, it’s not what you think. Honest. I thought the same thing at first, but now I get it. They’ve had a hard life. They’ve been conditioned and—”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter,” he repeated, turning away from her moodily.</p>
<p>“It <em>does</em> matter.”</p>
<p>“I forced a bond on him, Sheriff,” he snapped, glaring at her. She should have hated him, not this. “I didn’t give him an option from the very start. I sure as hell didn’t give him one when he decided he was ready to let go. So, you know, I deserve this. I do. Because Sam? He fucking deserves the world. Deserves someone who isn’t going to mess up and hurt him like I will.”</p>
<p>“Gabriel—”</p>
<p>Dean opening the driver’s door, though, cut off the rest of the conversation.</p>
<p>“Still all right back there?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Gabriel replied back quietly.</p>
<p>“Good.” Dean then started his car, throwing it into drive, and cranking the wheel sharply as he turned her around. They silently followed the teal beat-up truck with the wrecked motorcycle in the back to the bunker.</p>
<p>Gabriel’s hand lightly ran through the fluffy, thick fur the second he heard the quiet whining from the floor. He said nothing when he felt the light licks against his fingers soon after. At least someone still tolerated his bullshit currently.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to believe Sheriff Mills. He didn’t want to consider that she was right for even a moment because that’d only lead to him hoping again. Every single time he hoped that the outcome would be different this time, he fell flat on his face even worse than last. He was tired of hurting Sam. He was tired of feeling his heart rip in two when yet again he messed things up. However, what hurt the most was how much he hated the deep hurt settling into his gut with each failure. He had messed up so many times. The best thing he could do was just stop and let the man he loved more than life itself go, stopping himself from falling even harder. It was the best thing for all after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Hurt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The second he stepped off the last step into the war room with Dean and Sheriff Mills’s help, he felt the familiar tug of the bond, alerting him to Sam’s nearby presence. He tensed, noting his canine companion instantly took notice of his mood shift and moved closer in response.</p><p>“Gabriel!” Cas shouted across the room the second he saw him.</p><p>“It looks worse than it is,” he repeated for what had to be the fifth time already. “Honest.”</p><p>“What happened?” Sam asked quietly, standing next to Cas.</p><p>“Dumbass swerved for the dog,” Dean answered lightly. “Dumped the bike and wrecked it all to hell, but somehow claims he’s fine. We’ll see once the clothes are off.”</p><p>Gabriel couldn’t help himself. “Oh, Dean-o. Finally decided to trade up for the better angel?”</p><p>“Shut up, jackass.”</p><p>“How bad is it?” Sam questioned, hazel eyes roaming over Gabriel’s form silently.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Gabriel sighed, wincing. “I wasn’t even going that fast. It’s just road rash and maybe a broken wrist or something. I’ll live.”</p><p>“See? What’d I say?” muttered Dean, tossing up his hands exhasperatedly. “Who knows if that’s the truth, though?”</p><p>“Fuck you, Winchester.”</p><p>He heard Dean’s jaw clench loudly, but the eldest hunter said nothing back.</p><p>“Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up,” Sheriff Mills stated when the silence settled again. “And if you’re a good archangel, maybe you’ll get some candy afterwards.”</p><p>He snorted, glancing over to her. “I’m never good, Sheriff.”</p><p>“There’s a first time for everything,” she replied with a pointed look and easy smile.</p><p>His eyes instantly fell to the floor in response. Licking at his lips, he swallowed back the thick lump in his throat that rose from her words. He didn’t deserve her kindness. He wasn’t anything what people thought he was nowadays. He was the same as always, a monster, a blood-thirsty murderer who punished for his own sick amusement and—</p><p>“Gabriel!”</p><p>His eyes snapped up in surprise. Annoyed hazel peered down from where Sam now stood directly in front of him, causing Gabriel to frown in confusion. When had Sam moved closer?</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We need to get you to the shower room so you can clean up and we can look at you properly.”</p><p>He nodded numbly. Right. That was what they were doing again. It wasn’t wallow in self-loathing time yet. That was much later clearly when he was alone again. He shoved down his emotions the best he could before they continued onward.</p><p>The second he heard a whine near his feet, though, he glanced in front of him. He considered talking to the poor animal again, but he chose not to after with a sigh. It wasn’t as if the dog could even understand him. It was relying on his emotional clues and behavior.</p><p>Several minutes later and lots of silent swears directed at everyone and anyone, they finally made it to the shower room, Sam quickly walking inside to hold the door open for some reason.</p><p>“I’ve got it from here,” Gabriel remarked grumpily, stepping out of Dean and the sheriff’s hold. “You can all leave. I’m not completely pathetic yet.”</p><p>“Dude—”</p><p>“No,” he growled back, thrusting a finger into Dean’s chest. “I said no.” He then turned towards Sam, who was staring at him guardedly. “That means you, too, Samsquatch. The dog can stay, but the rest of you—out. You’ve done enough, thanks.”</p><p>Rearing up for a fight, Sam took a step towards him, pausing when the large dog growled protectively and showed off its teeth threateningly.</p><p>“What she said,” Gabriel stated, motioning at the clearly upset animal.</p><p>Scoffing, Sam glanced away angrily before he clenched his teeth and brushed past.</p><p>The second the door shut, leaving Gabriel alone with the still unnamed canine, he sagged down onto one of the benches. He bowed his head and let out a little cry of pain. His entire right side felt on fire and stung like hell. He had a sinking feeling that maybe Winchester had a point earlier, and that he was maybe hurt a little bit worse than he was letting on. That was neither here, nor there anymore, though. It was yet another moot point.</p><p>Gingerly, he started the slow, delicate process of removing his bloodied clothes. He breathed out whenever he’d feel something stick to his skin, but eventually he found bare, bloodied skin. Swallowing before hissing and groaning, he limped over to the closest shower to him. When he heard the light clicking of dog nails obediently following, he stopped and glanced back.</p><p>“No. You stay here. Otherwise, you’re going to get your fur all wet. I’ll give you a bath later or something, all right? This shower is mine.”</p><p>The dog huffed, plopping itself down just outside of the shower dramatically. However, her eyes remained trained on him dutifully, waiting for him to finish.</p><p>“Drama queen,” he muttered, turning back.</p><p>If the dog wanted to watch him shower, then all the power to it.</p><p>Turning on the tap, he stepped under the spray a few seconds later. He sighed deeply as it cascaded over him lightly, warming him up instantly. He could feel his tired muscles start to relax more bit by bit.</p><p>It was all going well until the warm water finally hit his right side. He let out a pained gasp the second he felt the burn, leaning heavily against the tile and bending over to try to lessen it. At the sight of blood, he swallowed, watching it run towards the drain. There was quite a bit more than he was thinking there’d be, he’d freely admit. However, he supposed that since it wasn’t a deep red, he couldn’t have been bleeding too badly. He just needed to suck it up and continue.</p><p>At fur brushing against his left leg unexpectedly, he groaned, giving the petulant bratty dog his best disappointed look. Seriously. This dog was worse than he was, and that was saying something. Exactly what did this dog think it was doing here exactly?</p><p>“Really? What did I tell you? Your fur is going to be all poof later. You know that, right?” He sighed when he felt the light licks against his leg. “Knock it off, will you? I’m trying to take a shower here.” He was instantly rewarded with a wet dog nuzzle against his legs again. “You are a brat.” But she was keeping him overall distracted from the pain, though, so he couldn’t get too upset. She was helping in her own cute way. He snorted. Just a few minutes ago, she was ‘the dog’ and ‘it’. Now, the cute little wet ball of fluff was a she. That had taken a dramatic turn.</p><p>Twisting further into the spray and deciding to force this cleaning process faster, he blew out several large breaths, gritting his teeth at the sting that came with it. Wash off the blood and scrub out the dirt. Basic first aid. He could do this. He grabbed the bar of soap from the ledge in front of him, quickly setting off to work. He let out several shuddering breathes as the stinging became much worse.</p><p>It shouldn’t hurt this badly. He realized that. He hadn’t been riding that fast, yet it did hurt. It hurt terribly. Either he had become entirely soft as a human now, or he was a bigger idiot than he comprehended and was injured way worse than just a road rash and possible wrist injury.</p><p>Hesitantly, he moved his arm closer to look at his right side. However, the second his pain exploded and nearly sent him to the floor, he stopped with a shaky groan, causing the bar of soap to drop to the tiled floor. Of course. Of Fucking course! He couldn’t even take a goddamn shower without messing that up, too. <em>Awesome.</em></p><p>His furry companion instantly started barking.</p><p>“Quit that,” he hissed through clenched teeth, tasting bits of salt every now and then as he bent forward to pick up the dropped soap. Was he crying or sweating, or both? He couldn’t tell as the white-hot pain seared his entire side, radiating and increasing the longer he stayed bent over and turned into the water. He just needed to bend a little bit further, and then all would be well again.</p><p>She only barked louder, though, more incessantly.</p><p>“Seriously, quit barking. You’re going to make—” When the room unexpectedly shifted beneath him, he gasped. “Whoa—okay, yep, sitting down now.” He slowly lowered himself down to the floor, falling back against the tiled wall a second later. Drawing his knees up to his chest, he rested his head atop. This was not good. At all.</p><p>Breathing out forcefully, he tried to calm down again. It wasn’t working, though. His pain was only increasing. He wasn’t doing so hot, and that was probably a very big understatement he knew.</p><p>Off in the distance, he heard a door open again, but he barely noticed it thanks to the persistent licks to his face that was trying to keep him from sagging into his pain.</p><p>“Gabriel!”</p><p>He winced when he felt light slaps to his cheeks.</p><p>“Hey, hey, come on. Come on, Gabe. Wake up. Please. Wake up.” A second later, the slap he got was much harder. “Gabriel, open your damn eyes!”</p><p>He complied somehow, quickly finding the infuriating hetero chromatic ones he loved so much.</p><p>“Sam?” he mouthed, his tongue feeling weird for some reason.</p><p>How was Sam here? Why was he here? And why did he look so damn worried? What was his moose worried so much over now? Or was Sam upset about the wet dog?</p><p>“Yeah. It’s me.” The hunter let out a large sigh of relief. “Good. Now stay awake for me.”</p><p>“But it hurts,” he complained. His entire right side felt like someone had doused it with holy oil and set that side on fire. It reminded him vaguely of Asmodouche’s favorite form of torture.</p><p>What if he hadn’t truly escaped? What if he never had made it back to the Winchesters? What if his memories of Apocalypse World weren’t really memories, but another mindscape Asmodeus created? Sam was, after all, the Prince of Hell’s favorite way to torture Gabriel. Sam and Cas that was.</p><p>“That’s because you’ve got the water too damn hot,” muttered his human, reaching back and turning the tap colder a moment later. “Hey! Keep those eyes open,” he chided lightly, tapping Gabriel’s cheek again.</p><p>“What’s wrong with me?”</p><p>“You mean in general, or right at this moment?” asked the cheeky brat with a soft smile.</p><p>“Ha, ha, ha,” Gabriel mocked weakly with a groan. Bit by bit, his pain lessened. Idly, he glanced at the hundred-so pound distraction in the shape of a furry sweetheart currently licking his face like he was a gourmet meal. “Will you stop?” he huffed, giving the adorable canine a harsh look that she blatantly ignored.</p><p>“You should be thanking her for alerting me.”</p><p>He huffed back, “She’s a brat.”</p><p>“So are you,” Sam drawled, remaining kneeling beside him, partially under the still running shower that was cascading over the three. He was utterly drenched from head to toe, but he didn’t seem to notice it or frankly didn’t care. He looked damn good, though. “I shouldn’t have run like that,” he quietly admitted. “At least not without explaining first.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>They were going to talk about this <em>now?</em> Seriously? Even Gabriel knew this wasn’t exactly the time or place for this conversation, but it did make it hard to hear the terrible, sickening silence that had squeezed around lately. So, who was he to complain here? And wasn’t as if he cared at all about his state of undress. He was perfectly comfortable with his body. This had been his for so long after all. Ever since the cave incident where he had healed the human who had inhabited this body first and helped the poor soul achieve his peace.</p><p>“It’s fine.”</p><p>“No, it’s not.” His tall Rapunzelled Winchester sighed deeply before he fell back against the tiled wall beside Gabriel, their shoulders brushing against one another. “I’ve been a dick to you.”</p><p>“Sam—”</p><p>“I have. I admit it,” he remarked. “I was being a first-class dick, and you don’t deserve it.”</p><p>“I didn’t give you a choice.”</p><p>Scoffing, Sam shook his head. “This honestly has little to do with the bond.”</p><p>Yeah, fat chance of that, but he’d indulge the giant for now. “Then what?”</p><p>Sam glanced sideways at him, gently pushing back the long, dripping hair.</p><p>“Please.” As Gabriel waited, his eyes watched a bead of water trail down Sam’s face, disappearing beneath the collar and causing an inward sigh of resignation before he found another and watched it.</p><p>“I couldn’t deal with knowing you liked me. I still can’t. That you’d give up everything for me. For <em>me</em>, Gabe.” His broad shoulders then lifted and fell silently. “The biggest thing, though, is the little fact everyone I’ve ever loved dies, you most of all unfortunately.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>There was no way he was understanding correctly. None.</p><p>Sam huffed a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “Just give me a minute. I’ve been trying to figure out how to say all this for days now, but now that we’re finally here? Well, it’s not at all like any of my conversations in the mirror have gone lately. That’s for sure,” he joked with a small smile, bumping against Gabriel lightly.</p><p>“Take your time,” he replied. “After all, you’ve seen how patient I can be.” When he wanted to be at least that was.</p><p>They sat there in a comfortable silence, listening to the running water and getting the occasional bored sigh from their furry companion. Gabriel focused on his breathing, keeping himself calm, as he waited. His mind wandered a bit to reminisce, but he found the dog at his side with Sam nearby helped keep him grounded, alert.</p><p>“I didn’t know back then what it was between us at Crawford Hall,” Sam finally started to say. “Sure, I knew that there was something about you. Something I couldn’t explain. And when Dean and I fake argued, knowing that you were watching, I don’t know. Deep down, a part of me didn’t want to hurt you, even after learning you killed people.”</p><p>“It was the bond.” Everything could always be explained away by the bond he forced onto Sam.</p><p>“See, that’s the thing.” Sam quickly twisted more towards him. “When you finally admitted about doing that to me, I thought the same thing. Logically speaking, it’d make the most sense. However, correct if I’m wrong, but our bond shouldn’t have been that strong yet, right? It shouldn’t have been like it is now?” His eyes stared back imploringly, asking the unspoken question Gabriel couldn’t answer fully. “And yet I still had the same panic I felt after Dean stabbed you then that I had tonight finding you like this. Like just a bit ago with the stairs just now. Same exact fear. Nothing more, nothing less.”</p><p>All right then. Still wasn’t anything damning, though. It just was further evidence to Sam’s good heart. That was all. It wasn’t like Gabriel could necessarily say that, though.</p><p>“So, couple that with the fact I dreamt about you for at least a week after Crawford, racked with guilt after betraying you and leading to your first ‘death’?”</p><p>Gabriel’s head tilted as his eyes narrowed. Sam had dreamt about him? Had felt guilty about supposedly killing him? Was that why Gabriel himself had felt so crappy after leaving the auditorium and moving onto his next town? He had thought it was merely because he knew what he had done. But if they had both felt guilt, then . . .</p><p>Whoa. That was . . . something.</p><p>“Admittedly, not all were exactly innocent dreams either,” Sam revealed with a quiet, albeit embarrassed chuckle and light splash of color to his cheeks. “You see, I wanted you to be alive still. I wanted to be near you. To figure out what it was that had me so intrigued. And then the Mystery Spot fiasco happened, and that hurt. It hurt like hell losing Dean, finding out that you left him dead for six months just to teach me some stupid lesson you thought I needed to learn. I hated it, hated you. On one hand, you ripped out my heart by forcing me to watch my brother die day after day, and then letting me see what it’d be like without having him at all and no hope of getting him back. On the other, there I was, making excuses for you, trying to justify why you did what you did. I still try to rationalize it.”</p><p>Amber eyes fell guiltily to the floor, watching the water run down the drain. He had screwed that pooch up royally. Seeing that look on Sam’s face when the poor moose had begged him with tears to bring Dean back had made Gabriel feel sick inside, reminding him of all he had forgotten.</p><p>“Had anyone else did what you did, I’d have ended them, no hesitation,” Sam stated. “And I-I don’t know, somehow I knew, I just knew if I pleaded, begged you to bring my brother back, I knew you would. There was no evidence to lead me to that conclusion. Hell, nothing proved I even mattered to you, registered even. You were a Trickster, or so we thought, and I was just some stupid co-dependent obsessed human in your eyes. I was right, though, and you brought him back.”</p><p>Gabriel swallowed harshly, drawing in a breath. He regretted that action almost as much as the forced bond. Because he knew how badly he had hurt Sam. He knew it from what he had seen from watching over the man he cared deeply for those six months and from the deep ache that had settled in his gut afterwards. That ache—deeper than his one-sided forced bond—had disappeared once he had undone the damage and righted his wrongs.</p><p>“Dean wanted to kill you the next time we met. I wanted to work with you, though. I want to say it’s because I kept thinking on how I had gotten you to bring my brother back. Surely you had to want to help us then. It wasn’t, though. Dean had Cas. Me? I might as well have been the third wheel to them, cast aside. However, you—you have this way about you that makes it seem like I’m the only person in the room, even if there are a hundred others begging for your attention. And you were the only who didn’t pity me or fear me or find me revolting because of the darkness inside me.”</p><p>Amber eyes flicked over, hearing the pain in each of Sam’s words. Sure, Cassie and Dean were goo-goo for one another, but both loved Sam immensely. And this supposed darkness inside? His moose couldn’t think that really, could he?</p><p>“With all this free time to myself lately, I’ve been trying to figure crap out lately. My feelings and such. Surprisingly, it finally hit me.” He forced a quiet laugh. “The throwing us into TV Land and telling us to play our roles? Sure, you probably did it originally to get back at us for Crawford and Mystery Spot. However, Gabe, you gave us pieces of the puzzle we didn’t even know were missing. You helped us because deep down you didn’t want it to happen either. You never did. You just tried to make it seem like you did because you were tired of all the fighting, the pain, and you just wanted it over. Like you said in the warehouse.”</p><p>His soulful whiskey eyes fell even lower in shame.</p><p>“You’ve always rebelled. Hell, you’re the original rebel in fact. Long before Cas was.”</p><p>“No, Sam, I’m the coward.”</p><p>“No, you’re not,” he argued. “You decided you weren’t going to stay up in Heaven and watch it rip itself apart. Instead, you willingly went down to Earth, to be with us, to <em>live</em> like us. You could have snapped and went anywhere. Hid out in one of your mindscapes at the end of the day, but you came to Earth instead.”</p><p>Mere days before his fateful meeting with Loki in a cave in the fjords in fact, but he wasn’t ready to tell Sam that story yet. Finding himself hiding out in a mountainous cave that Chuck had talked about during one of their rare conversations, Gabriel offered his first deal there to a human, <em>the</em> human who offered himself as being Gabriel’s vessel while on Earth. All the human asked in return was for the archangel to help the dying Roman avenge his slain family first. That was the first time he had spilled human blood. Six souls gone: one went to Heaven and five went to Hell. He had told himself at the time the ends justified the means and how he was just in actions. Meeting Sam, however, had caused him to reevaluate that thinking.</p><p>“But when we needed you to step up and help us, you did,” Sam announced, breaking through and yanking Gabriel from his thoughts again. “Was it a bit like pulling teeth with you sometimes? Yeah, it was, but eventually you stepped up. And you . . . you knew enough to give us the big missing piece to lock your brothers up and end it. <em>You</em> did that. You helped us.” He shrugged lightly. “Granted, Dean and I fucked that up royally later on, but you helped play a pivotal role.”</p><p>Gabriel glanced down again, sighing. Sam was making him sound like something he wasn’t. He glanced towards the sweet dog who was standing again and nuzzling gently against his face.</p><p>“I wish I could be the man you think I am, but I’m not,” he murmured.</p><p>“You made mistakes. Sometimes they were major ones, but so did I. So did Cas. So did Dean. So did all of us. At the end of the day, when it mattered, you stood with us. You chose our side.”</p><p>“Your side,” Gabriel corrected quietly, lifting his gaze to meet Sam’s hazel eyes. “I chose <em>your</em> side. You were the only one who mattered. The only one I cared about on this freakin’ planet.”</p><p>Sam laughed quietly, letting his head fall back against the wall. “You cared because I cared?”</p><p>Something about the way that was said gave Gabriel immediate pause. There was a story behind those words. A story he had no idea about but knew enough to ask later. If he asked now, it’d only be another distraction, and they were so close finally.</p><p>However, it seemed as if Sam was going to explain regardless. “Cas said something similar to Dean before . . .” Sighing with an upwards glance, his loving human absentmindedly petted the dog who was now alternating between licking their faces.</p><p>The archangel found it interesting how quickly the dog figured out their moods and reacted to it. It had taken a bit to figure it out, but watching how she acted with Sam led to the obvious conclusion. When it was a negative emotion they felt, she responded with her unconditional canine love. When they seemed okay, she was semi-bored. He was aware how animals were quick to pick up on emotions, of course, being a primordial being, but this was almost next level. It made him wonder where the owner was even more now.</p><p>“Gabe?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Slowly rolling his head against the wall towards the archangel, Sam gave him another small smile before he pushed his damp hair back with a sigh.</p><p>“I push you away because if I don’t, I’m going to lose you, and I can’t lose you. Not again. I’ve lost you so many times already. You know?” Sam’s large hands went up to his hair again. “Fuck, I didn’t even get to give you a proper burial last time. I just . . . I left you there. Left you in that fucking hellhole and pushed everything I felt aside like . . . ” His voice started to grow colder as it shook more. He was obviously barely holding on by a thread, which both Gabriel and his sweetheart pup realized. “<em>Always push through onto the next hunt. Because that—love—that’s not in the cards for you, Sammy. You will always lose that hand. Trust me. I know.</em>” Sam licked his lips slowly, burying his fingers into the soft, wet fluffy fur of the Bernese before inhaling deeply.</p><p>“Which asshole said that?” Gabriel quietly asked a few moments later, keeping his voice steady somehow and even. It was a stupid question, though. He knew who had said that. Of course he knew. He could see the consequences of those words written all Sam’s body, in his actions.</p><p>“John.” Exactly as Gabriel figured. “It was from one of his famous talks he’d give us.”</p><p>Damn bastard. Clenching his fists tightly, the archangel seethed inside, his mind already plotting on how he could beat the ever-living afterlife out of John Winchester. Sam was something to be loved, held, worshiped, and shown every day how much he mattered.</p><p>“Dean swears Dad wasn’t always the piece of crap I knew, but all my life that was the John Winchester I knew. The man entirely consumed with killing the thing that took Mom. Every case was finding another clue, saving another family in his quest because he couldn’t save her himself that night. The father I knew was an angry, bitter drunk bent on revenge, and when we didn’t give our absolute obedience to him—oh, we learned real quick what’d happen then.”</p><p>Gabriel could relate unfortunately.</p><p>“And me? Well, I couldn’t run fast enough, desperate to escape the pain and darkness that lingered. I was selfish and arrogant in my own right, writing Dean off as being Dad’s obedient, perfect son.” Sam sighed heavily. “God, I was such a dumbass.”</p><p>Gabriel opened his mouth, closing it a second later. The similarities between them were getting harder to ignore. Sam knew exactly the same pain he had felt and the bigger question of why he had to run from his family all those years ago. His bonded had done the same, leaving to save himself. Though Sam had admitted this years back before Gabriel died at Apocalypse!Michael’s hands, he hadn’t truly believed it until now. So, yeah, he had nothing here to add.</p><p>“What do you need?” he asked instead. The silence started to set him on edge again.</p><p>“To forget.” Sam’s sad eyes glanced his way slowly. “Just for a bit.”</p><p>Clearing his throat, however, the heavenly warrior lowered his head and scratched his neckline lightly. For once, he wasn’t going to listen to downstairs’s brain. His beautiful hunter deserved so much more than anything Gabriel could give him, but damn if he weren’t going to try to give him the world. Somehow.</p><p>“If you’re asking for what I think you’re, uh, you know, saying, I—” Gabriel winced slightly, glancing at the dog who started licking him more and causing him to bat her back from him, “well, it sort of would fuck up my whole plan unfortunately.”</p><p>A quiet, astonished laugh echoed beside him. “What plan?”</p><p>“Well, I didn’t really get that far in the planning stage to be honest,” he remarked with a light shrug. Which was an outright lie. He knew exactly what he’d have done, but it wasn’t good enough for his Samshine, not nearly good enough. Though, he knew nothing would be. He was shooting for an unattainable moonshot while blindfolded and tied down. At least that was what it felt like.</p><p>“But if you had one, though,” Sam asked, the corners of his lips quivering as he hid back a smile, “to knock me off my feet and win my heart and all that, what would it be?”</p><p>Gabriel blew out a large breath, glancing at their furry companion who was whining and licking more in an obvious attention-seeking and jealous manner.</p><p>“Hey, I’m working here, fur ball,” scoffed the once reigning champ of fastest flight. He patted the sweet dog’s face before he gently pushed her away. “So, quit distracting me and my pretty moose.”</p><p>“<em>Your</em> moose?” Sam snorted, giving him a look.</p><p>“Well, we <em>are</em> bonded. In some circles, that’s pretty much the equivalent to being married.” Hell, it was considered just that upstairs. He had hidden their bond as well as he could over the years, but considering Lucifer had noticed right away, not to mention Castiel, he was fairly certainly the only reason it hadn’t come out earlier by some idiot angel looking for brownie points was the bond served no purpose in Chuck’s story. So, it remained overlooked. Another subplot not worth exploring because, Chuck forbid, someone get offended.</p><p>“Yeah?” challenged his human, jostling him playfully and pulling Gabriel from his thoughts. “Where’s my ring then, hmm?”</p><p>The primordial being older than Creation itself instantly started to choke, causing the sweet dog between them to start its loud barking again as it was clearly rattled by his harsh unexpected coughing.</p><p>What the hell, Sam? Where had that come from? And was—were his ears deceiving him—he was hearing at a much lower frequency than his usual super range, so it was possible—but was Sam—was that flirting he detected with those words?</p><p>“Shh, it’s fine, girl. Gabe’s just speechless for once,” Sam teased, running his fingers through the thick damp coat tenderly.</p><p>“I . . . uh, what?”</p><p>Quiet laughter filtered back.</p><p>That was flirting, wasn’t it? Sam was flirting back with him. At least he was pretty sure it was. But it could be teasing also. He’d try for teasing and see where it led.</p><p>“Shit, if you want a ring,” he stumbled out, “I-I’m sure I’ve got a cock ring somewhere.”</p><p>Brows instantly rose to the sky. Even the dog seemed taken aback by that comment. “You’d give me a cock ring?” Sam asked very slowly and quietly.</p><p>“Hey, it’d be a classy one.”</p><p>The second Sam stared at him, frozen, his mouth dropping, Gabriel burst out laughing, unable to continue the joke any longer. He didn’t care now which reason it had been. The look on Sam’s face alone was precious.</p><p>“You should have seen your face just now.” He shook his head fondly, holding himself back from playing any more with poor Sam. “Even I have my limits, sport. Trust me. In fact, I’ll go on record right now and say that if you were getting a ring from me, it’d put the Ash Nazg to shame.”</p><p>“Really?” whistled Sam, chuckling when the dog flopped down with a low bark of protest. She was clearly done with both of them. “What about the Ring of Barahir?”</p><p>“Beats that hands down, and, puh-lease, don’t insult me. It’s the Ring of Felagund. It just changed names after Barahir saved Felagund’s miserable elf life.” He frowned when he caught the snickers and felt Sam’s shoulders rubbing against his again. Each time their bodies touched, he felt the spark of familiar Grace reach out and brush against him lovingly. “What?”</p><p>“Nothing. I just didn’t realize you were such a Tolkien fan.”</p><p>“There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” he drawled.</p><p>Sam smiled openly, nodding. “So I’m seeing.”</p><p>Though, there was a lot about Sam that Gabriel didn’t know about either. Sure, he knew the basic biographical information that basically could be from the angelic dossier kept upstairs, but there was a lot that couldn’t be read in a file. Like, for example, he had no idea what Sam’s favorite lettuce was. Was it iceberg? Romaine? Kale? Collards? Who knew? And what about favorite books? Was it one that had meaning like an old journal from some dead guy during the Black Plague era? Red’s spell book? Hell if he knew. He didn’t even know if Sam could dance or not.</p><p>If Gabriel really looked at it, really closely, he knew how clear it’d be then how much of a stranger they were to one another. Bonded for thirteen years, and yet . . .</p><p>“Gabe?”</p><p>“Yeah?” He glanced at the man he had given everything up for all those years ago.</p><p>“I missed you,” Sam murmured, staring at him as if they were the only two left on the planet.</p><p>Leaning in, he instantly paused when a familiar furry cockblocker shot up in between them with sharp barks of absolute disapproval.</p><p>“Oh, for the love of—” grumbled the fallen archangel. “I love Sam, you infuriating fluff ball. You’re going to have to deal with this. Or else you’re going to—”</p><p>“Gabe!”</p><p>“What?” he mumbled, knowing precisely what Sam was about to say. “She started it!”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter. We’re not getting rid of her.”</p><p>Gabriel’s brow raised slightly. “Since when are we a ‘we’?”</p><p>The second he heard his question, his stomach did a quick back flip. When had the world turned upside down enough that there was even the option of a ‘we’ that wasn’t said in hopes and jests? That was rooted in longevity and reality?</p><p>Sam gave him a pinched look, though, crossing his arms in disapproval.</p><p>Chewing on his lip nervously, Gabriel wasn’t quite sure what to make of his reaction to the displeasure being returned currently. With anyone else, he’d have easily brushed it off. However, this was his Sam, the most important human in the history of the bipedal animals.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Sam’s lips pinched more as his eyes sharpened. “Have you been listening to a word I said?”</p><p>“Of course I have,” he drawled, waving a hand dramatically. “Your dad’s a dick, but of course I knew that already. You’re afraid to lose me, which ditto. And you missed me after NotMy!Mikey shived my ass. I heard you.” He blinked when Sam instantly went up onto his knees, turning towards him. “Uh, Samsquatch? Whatcha doin’?”</p><p>Fuck, Sam was too close for comfort currently. It was getting harder. How was he supposed to ignore the boiling of his blood, the thundering of his heart, the buzzing in his head, the burning in his lungs at how close they were to one another? He was too close to his Samshine again, and he was going to get burned again. However, he didn’t want Sam to move away, not a bit.</p><p>The second he felt calloused hands go to his shoulders, he swallowed, terrified to breathe and break whatever spell they were locked in. If he were dreaming, he never wanted to wake. For real. If he tilted his head just right, he knew their lips would brush against one another. All around, he could smell the intoxicating scent that drove him wilder than freshly made fudge with M&amp;Ms sprinkled on top.</p><p>“That’s not all I was saying, though,” Sam stated, moving even closer to him.</p><p>“ . . . okay?”</p><p>Gabriel swallowed, his throat closing and going completely dry for some reason.</p><p>The buzzing in his head was ten times worse now.</p><p>Interestingly enough, however, he noticed vaguely his earlier pain vanished entirely. He frowned at that thought but pushed it aside to focus on the more important conversation at hand. Sam. And his giant’s dizzying actions that were going to send Gabriel back onto the floor if the sexy oaf kept it up.</p><p>“I’m, uh,” he swallowed again, wondering where all the spit he usually choked over vanished to, “not following you, sport.”</p><p>Amber eyes then dropped to the hot flexed bicep that was inches from his face.</p><p>The urge to turn his head grew even bigger.</p><p>“When I saw you come down the stairs just a few minutes ago, my heart nearly leapt out of my throat,” Sam started to explain, clearly not noticing Gabriel’s blatant hungry stare, ready to devour the hunter whole and then some. “I saw the blood, how you were leaning so heavily on Jody and Cas. It made me think about how much I’ve been pushing you away. Denying it wasn’t making anything better. In fact, you could almost blame—”</p><p>“Sam, no.” He lightly pressed a hand to the firm chest, nearly letting out a noise he was fairly certain was going to be embarrassing. Gabriel surely did not do embarrassing. Nuh-<em>oohhhh</em>! Oh my!</p><p>“Gabe?”</p><p>Huh? Oh, right, Sam. They were having the talk, the big one. The relationship one that would base if—Holy Hell and the rest of the Apostles, too. All this muscle and firmness and— Fuck, this was positively sinful, and if he had his halo still, that sucker would have been flung far and wide as he waltzed into Hell with a proud, twisted grin.</p><p>Fuck, he was barely hanging on here by a thread.</p><p>Where had all his self-control gone?</p><p>Seriously.</p><p>“Gabriel!”</p><p>He bit his lip at the sharpness of the tone, not sure where this abrupt hormonal rush had come from exactly. He used to be able to hold himself in control better than this. However, the more they were close to one another, the more he wanted nothing more than to surge forward and kiss his bonded. To mark him, but that didn’t make sense. Marking was a Grace thing, not a human.</p><p>Shaking his head, he finally said, “The fault entirely rests with the whiny furry brat between us.” He heard the quiet whine but brushed off even so much as glancing at the dog currently. All that mattered was Sam. Sam was the most important thing. Sam.</p><p>“You left.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Gabriel replied, his tongue turning leathery, “I do that. It’s my go-to mechanism. Bad habits and all that.”</p><p>Right then, though, he never wanted to leave Sam’s side again. It was like Crawford Hall all over again, but on steroids.</p><p>It felt like all the times before when he was too close to Sam, only so much stronger, more potent. Their bond was like a drug, offering him another surge of longing.</p><p>“You ran because I pushed you away” fingers kneaded his shoulders “kept pushing you away.”</p><p>“You said it yourself.” <em>Oh, don’t stop. Please don’t ever stop,</em> he whined in his head, leaning more into Sam’s touch. “You’re protecting yourself. I get it.” <em>Kiss me. Please?</em></p><p>Scoffing, Sam stared at him adoringly. “We’re a couple of idiots sometimes, aren’t we?”</p><p>Amber eyes watched the stripe of pink run lightly across Sam’s lips as his hunter re-wet them again. He stifled the groan that nearly bubbled out at the action. Damn, he had it bad. He tried to think if he had run into any witches, but he was fairly certainly he hadn’t. This was too real for a Djinn, and it was too something he couldn’t remember right then for it to be a Tulpa. So, the bond again. Unless . . .</p><p>“Gabe?”</p><p>“Yeah?” He glanced up to the gorgeous hazel eyes staring back.</p><p>“You feel it, too, right now, don’t you? The pull towards one another?”</p><p>“Yep.” He popped the ‘p’ and swallowed.</p><p>“Is that . . . normal?”</p><p>“Um, honestly? Not a clue.” He caught Sam’s eyes softening, though, and forced himself not to lean closer. “Sorry. First time bonding actually. Sort of, you know, mate for life kind of thing.”</p><p>A smile tugged more at Sam’s lips. “Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah.” If this was normal, they were fucked. He couldn’t rely on his Grace to temper these feelings this time as he had in the past. The hallway incident would be the least of their problems if this continued. That was for damn sure.</p><p>“I keep thinking about the other day in the corridor. It’s just been playing on repeat up here.”</p><p>“Oh?” Gabriel’s voice was low, huskier than it had ever been in fact. He could relate with Sam, though. He found himself thinking on it more than a few times as well.</p><p>“I keep wondering if we explored it fully—”</p><p>“We shouldn’t,” he breathed, swallowing his hope down heavily. He’d hurt Sam if they did.</p><p>“I know. I know that. However, when I’m near you, all I can think about is all the lines you’ve said over the years, all the winks and touches, that kiss, how right you feel, the promises of more.”</p><p>“It’s the bond.” It had to be. Because if it wasn’t, then . . . then he was going to be a blubbering mess that would be painful to watch.</p><p>“Is it?” his human asked quietly.</p><p>“Sam . . .” he pleaded, staring in the eyes he loved so much.</p><p>“Or could it be possible I’ve stopped running, too, and the bond knows that?”</p><p>A loud sigh from below them caused them both to look down at the furry brat who had interrupted them yet again.</p><p>“Really? A sigh?” he asked the dog glancing up seemingly bored, or at least looking like it.</p><p>“Whoa!”</p><p>Gabriel’s eyes flicked back to Sam instantly. “What?”</p><p>“You’re healed.”</p><p>“What?” He glanced down at his right side, frowning when he saw unmarred skin. He then rotated his wrist, finding none of the pain from earlier in the slightest.</p><p>“How did that happen?” Sam asked, clearly thrown by the turn of events.</p><p>Gabriel paused for half a moment before he closed his eyes. “You placed your hands on me.”</p><p>“Yes, so—<em>wait</em>—are you saying <em>I</em> healed you?”</p><p>“Exactly.” Gabriel had none to speak of. He was utterly powerless. “Somehow you managed to access the part of my Grace tied to your soul and stumbled on it. It’s the only thing that makes sense as I’ve been, uh, well—” He bowed his head, feeling his cheeks redden almost instantly.</p><p>“Are you blushing?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“You are!”</p><p>“I am not!”</p><p>Sam scoffed, shaking his head. “Liar! You’re absolutely blushing, Gabe! Holy shit!”</p><p>He bristled at the words, not liking the implication of his failure to control himself better.</p><p>“You never feel embarrassment. Ever! I mean, hell, I’m half-surprised you’re not giving me the full experience right now considering.”</p><p>Glancing back, he frowned deeper. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, brat.”</p><p>“<em>Why</em>?”</p><p>“I remember human reactions to unwanted nudity. I was trying to spare you.”</p><p>“Spare me? You never have done that before! Never!”</p><p>He groaned loudly, glancing upwards. Was there an echo in here? Seriously. “I was showing respect, Sam.”</p><p>“Oh, <em>now</em> you’re being chivalrous? Really? After thirteen years of unwarranted actions boarding on practically sexual harassment towards me, you <em>now</em> decide you’re going to play some sort of white knight perfect boyfriend?”</p><p>“Boyfriend? Whoa, whoa, whoa!” He held his hands up. “Sport, let’s back up the train here.”</p><p>Since when had they decided they were dating? Had he missed that memo? They were talking, sure, but so far neither had asked the other out. He was fairly certain of that.</p><p>“What else are we?”</p><p>“Friends?” Gabriel replied with a shrug.</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think I can be just friends with you.”</p><p>The youngest of four tried to shove down the hurt that came from that declaration, but judging by the fact the dog instantly shot up and growled at Sam, he had a feeling he failed in that spectacularly.</p><p>“Knock that off,” muttered the quiet archangel. “Sam’s just being honest. Nothing wrong with that.” At least he knew where he stood again, corrected.</p><p>“Gabe.”</p><p>“What?” he snapped, flinching when he heard the harshness in his voice. “Sorry. What?”</p><p>“You aren’t listening to me.”</p><p>“I am!” he frowned deeply. “You said you don’t want to be friends, and I can—”</p><p>The second Sam pulled him closer, bending down so that their lips brushed against one another, Gabriel felt himself float up to another level. Sam’s lips were soft, gentle, forgiving. However, it was their noses against one another that caused the youngest archangel really to sigh in utter contentment and surrender. He was a sucker for Eskimo kisses. Always had been.</p><p>“I said I don’t think I can be <em>just</em> friends with you, dumbass,” Sam murmured, pulling back after a moment with a playful smirk. “There’s a difference.”</p><p>“Oh. Oh, that’s . . . oh. Rad.”</p><p>Soft, gentle laughter surrounded him, wrapping him up in its warmth and love. His small soul ached to move closer, pleaded that he give in to his desires finally. He held back just barely, though.</p><p>“Gabe,” Sam lightly spoke, his face reflecting back all the love the hunter had. “I was an idiot before, pushing you away, but I literally just told you I’m done pushing you away. It doesn’t do any good for either of us. And I think we just saw the result of what happens when we work together.” He motioned towards Gabriel’s right side that was now completely healed, not a bit of redness left. “I’m not saying we do it right here, right now, in the bathroom—really, trust me, I’m not, but . . .” His voice trailed off for a moment as his eyes fell for a second. “I would rather have you, to spend as much time as I can getting this right, than losing you again and never knowing. However, you know, fair warning here, everyone I’ve ever had sex with has died.”</p><p>“So, no sex?” He groaned inwardly at the idiot line. Why had he said that?</p><p>Chuckling, his bonded, loving moose rolled his eyes. “I’m just letting you know what you’re getting yourself into here. Being open and honest and communicating. Starting us off on the right foot so to speak since we’re going about this ass backwards already with the bond.”</p><p>In other words, he was being the man Gabriel loved.</p><p>“Well, if it makes you feel any better,” replied the archangel quietly, “every person I’ve ever been with ends up leaving me, too, when they realize how selfish I am. Actually, in Kali’s case, when she couldn’t use me to her advantage anymore and it was clear we wanted different things, she left then. There’s also the fact I get bored rather easily. And I’m, well, possibly a sex addict by human standards, definitely one of porn as we know, and one hundred percent of an asshole as well.”</p><p>Sam snorted.</p><p>“Really? I had <em>no</em> idea.” He shook his head. “I mean, that’s a deal breaker for me honestly.”</p><p>“Which part?”</p><p>“The possible sex addict. How am I supposed to have my sweet, sweet slice of angel food cake when you’re trying to get yourself healthy?”</p><p>“Angel food cake?” Gabriel scoffed, lightly pushing Sam back. “Take that back. I’m obviously those little boozy balls instead.”</p><p>They easily slipped into their usual banter as if nothing had changed. As if Gabriel hadn’t died for the Winchesters again. As if Sam hadn’t been held in the archangel’s arms and cried over.</p><p>“Oh?” Sam murmured, leaning closer again. “Are you really? Because those are my two favorite things,” he deadpanned before he added one of Gabriel’s usual lascivious eyebrow wiggles.</p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>It was one thing when he could tease his sweet human and color him like a painting of lust and need. It was an entirely different animal when it was he himself being painted in his lust and raw need.</p><p>“That’s the idea,” replied Sam with a low chuckle.</p><p>“You, <em>what</em>—”</p><p>Oh, he was going to hell for this corruption. That was for damn sure. However, he didn’t give a crap about it honestly. Witnessing their silly back-and-forth game that had been going on for years actually being played with a fuck the consequences method for once? Hells yeah didn’t come close to describing what he felt right then.</p><p>“Verbal foreplay is your thing, isn’t it?” Sam stated with an easy shrug. “It’s why you teased me for so long. Gave me all those ridiculous lines that would have made a monk blush.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>And other than the occasional romp with Kali, no one could compete with his level of innuendo. Though, he wasn’t Fleet Admiral of Sexual Innuendo for nothing. He sailed in many ports a time or two, usually having found himself attacked over it when he misjudged a person. However, all his past lovers would gladly attest he was very caring and attentive. Some would even dare claim he was a sex god, but he had cheated and used his Grace with those people honestly to ensure that outcome. With Sam, he was floundering like a caught fish, flopping around in absolute panic on the bottom of the boat.</p><p>Though, he had to admit it. He felt a lot better now with Sam here than he had earlier without. Probably another side effect of the bond between them, sure, but it still was there. He then glanced down, feeling a slight chill start to run down his back.</p><p>Ah. That was right.</p><p>“Sam . . .”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I’m naked.” Nothing like pointing out the obvious to the man one loved.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“We’ve been talking on the gross, disgusting floor while I’m naked.”</p><p>Sam stared at his face, his lip trembling slightly as if to fight back a smile. “We have.”</p><p>“While the dog that nearly killed me has been licking our faces.”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“This is . . . um, not how I pictured this going.” At all. It gave new meaning to dirty loving.</p><p>“Me neither,” Sam replied with a quiet laugh. “But it’s sort of fitting considering.”</p><p>“Considering what?”</p><p>“Considering you’re the archangel of sexual harassment, and that I was the boy with the demon blood, the abomination—”</p><p>“Don’t say that,” he cut in sharply. “I never thought that about you, not once, Sam.”</p><p>A small smile. “I know. You’re the only one.” Sighing, Sam lost his good mood unfortunately. “Did you know about the whole Azazel story? The boy king crap?”</p><p>“I knew you were Luci’s True Vessel, yes,” Gabriel replied with a nod, “and that there was a spot on your soul brought on by the demon blood. Neither of which I equated as your fault, though. I knew it wasn’t. I read Dad’s Winchester gospels after all. I knew the story, or at least most of it to get the overall story line.”</p><p>“Is that how you fell in love with me so quickly?”</p><p>“Maybe, but it was more so I saw your soul that day at Crawford, the goodness and kindness in you,” he admitted with a shrug. “Your brother didn’t pay any attention to me, which 90 percent of the time was normal for most people. You, though, listened to my every word, saw me, not the masks I wore to hide myself away, to protect myself. After years of people overlooking me, not paying so much as a second glance, it stood out how much you noticed me, saw me. You saw my loneliness, and I saw yours. And we just fit the rest of the puzzle together broken pieces and all.”</p><p>“Basically, love at first sight for you?”</p><p>“Pretty much, I guess.”</p><p>Sam laughed quietly. “I’ve been mopping this floor for six years,” he recited quietly, glancing at Gabriel slowly. “Was that even true?”</p><p>“That I had been at Crawford for six years?” At the nod, the archangel shrugged slightly. “Yeah. I worked odd jobs here and there sometimes. Helped stave off the boredom and give me something to do with myself. You know what they say about idle hands after all.”</p><p>“How’d you pass background checks?”</p><p>“Ah-ha, see, that was the brilliance of it. Take shit jobs no one else would want to work. Pass a drug test, which you know, Grace helps, and no one would ask questions. They’d just be thankful that someone took the job in the first place. I worked all sorts of crap jobs.”</p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p>He nodded. “Yep. Worked in a factory a few times, nothing specialized of course, just poking buttons or wiping down parts or whatever. Sometimes I chipped off weld spatter too. My supervisors were always so impressed how I never complained, never took a day off. Didn’t see a point, though. It wasn’t like it was all that difficult of work for me, not to mention you learn a lot about humans when you’re working in shit jobs like that. You see their strengths, their resilience, their push onward in hopes of making enough to pull themselves out of poverty and make something of themselves. The hard work and sweat they put into things sometimes.”</p><p>“I would never have guessed that.”</p><p>Smiling, the archangel shrugged again. “Was a volunteer at some hospitals too, but I didn’t stay long at those. Kids are, well, rather sensitive sometimes around Grace, and when an entire peds cancer ward inexplicably had every kid go into remission at the same time, questions naturally got asked.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It wasn’t on purpose,” Gabriel explained. “My Grace just had a bit of a hiccup.”</p><p>“A hiccup?”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“What do you mean, <em>why</em>?”</p><p>“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem to be a bit of, well, one who always has to be in absolute control of himself typically. Never let others see the real you and such. Then there’s the fact you had to have been in complete control of yourself and your Grace just to avoid Heaven catching a sniff of where you were. So, you know, it’s making me wonder what made you lose control when it usually takes a lot for that to happen.”</p><p>Damn that brain of Sam’s.</p><p>“I got attached to one of the kids, all right?” He sighed heavily when he saw the wheels already spinning. “When her parents found out she had leukemia, they couldn’t afford her treatments. Money talks in healthcare unfortunately, especially in American healthcare. Her parents tried to do right, but they were putting themselves further and further in debt. After a few months, they couldn’t afford her treatments anymore. And then she stopped responding to it all together, and the next step was to use some high dose radiation drugs or something, which cost a hell of a lot more. They picked up more hours at their jobs whenever they could, took out more loans they couldn’t afford. Then it got dark for them both really quickly.”</p><p>Sam hung onto his every word, listening raptly.</p><p>“Her dad’s factory job closed up out of the blue one day. Its headquarters headed to some other country for cheaper labor because who wants to pay workers a fair wage when you can get it done elsewhere and not have to pay benefits or anything, right?” He shrugged. “And then the company her mom worked for went belly-up due to misappropriation of funds or something. They couldn’t get anyone to listen to them, to hear them begging for help just to save their daughter. Because everyone thought they were just wanting to be lazy and take the easy way out when they were the hardest working people I probably ever met. The hospital was going to kick Sophia out if they couldn’t get the money soon, and no one—I mean, no one, Sam—would listen. They were treated like second class citizens for being poor. It was stupid.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“The cardinal rule, the really big one Dad imposed, never interfere with humans. Let them live exactly as they’re meant to. Observe and watch, but never interfere.”</p><p>“I take it you did, though?”</p><p>“I sat with her, Sam, almost every day, and she kept telling me it was okay. She comforted me. Told me everything would be okay. That this was how it was supposed to be. She was thirteen and staring down Death with more Grace than anyone I had ever witnessed before.”</p><p>He felt Sam’s arms wrap around him, hugging him fiercely.</p><p>“Her parents were on their way, but she was . . . I watched her reaper appear, wait off to the side. It wasn’t fair. She deserved to have her first kiss. To get married. To see the world. To live.”</p><p>“Did the reaper notice you notice it?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, especially when I jammed my blade into it.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Death wasn’t exactly pleased over it, but I didn’t care. My mind was made up.”</p><p>“So, she didn’t die?”</p><p>“Not then.” He sighed heavily, running fingers through his hair. “I gave her two extra days with parents. That was it.” Slowly, he glanced over at Sam. “Her parents hadn’t been able to raise the money for her, so the hospital kicked her out per protocol. On the way home, they skidded on a patch of ice and went down an embankment.”</p><p>Sam gasped, his fingers tightening slightly. “What?”</p><p>“I hadn’t changed anything. I only delayed it. She died at the scene. They died a few hours later at the hospital. Her seventeen-year-old brother who had been at a friend’s house lost his entire family because of my interference. So, yeah, I lost control. I was angry, and I wanted to do a big ‘fuck you’ to Dad, to Death, to all who stood by and let it happen.”</p><p>“What happened to the other kids you saved?”</p><p>“Nothing. They went into full remission and lived out their lives, continuing their family lines. Every single one of them but Sophia.” He shook his head silently. “I always wanted to ask why they were spared and she wasn’t, but after a bit I just realized I never was going to get that answer. That Dad would have only did his usual bit. ‘That’s for me to know, not you.’ So, I just stopped, locked her memory up, and moved onto the next job. I never volunteered anywhere around kids again.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Not your fault.”</p><p>It had been years since he thought about Sophia and her family. He wondered if she and her family were happy now all together again finally. He had learned shortly before he followed the Winchesters through to Apocalypse World that Logan had passed a few months prior. He had made it a promise to visit their final resting place, but never made it there unfortunately, thanks to AW!Michael.</p><p>“There’s something I’ve always wondered.”</p><p>“Hmm?” Gabriel glanced back at his human, pulling himself from the past. “What?”</p><p>“After we learned who you were, I read up on all the lore concerning you that we had.”</p><p>Laughing quietly, he nodded. “Figured you would. Learn anything interesting?”</p><p>“You’ve always said the Bible and other texts only got it half right.”</p><p>“True.”</p><p>“Well, the Host or whatever you were asking to save my life, it called you Gavriel, not Gabriel.”</p><p>He nodded slowly before he explained, “Gavriel is my true name in Enochian.”</p><p>“In Hebrew, too, isn’t it?”</p><p>“It is. However, I changed it to Gabriel once I skipped out on Heaven for good. After all, isn’t that what all the cool kids do when they run away from home?” he joked quietly. “My vessel knew my real name but always called me Gabriel instead. Other than you and Dean, everyone else called me either Loki or some other name.” He shrugged. “Sometimes I made a game out of creating these elaborate backstories for myself, you know? Pretend I was someone else, someone who didn’t have the tragic angelic family bent on killing itself. It was how I got good at lying actually. After a bit, it just became like everything else. An elaborate story meant to shield myself from the truth.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Nodding slowly, he rubbed his fingers hard into the fluffy fur of the big brat who kept giving him looks every now and then. The familiar stiffness in his back was already returning he could tell, so the pup was right. They should stop wasting the damn water already and take their talk elsewhere. Problem was he didn’t want to leave yet.</p><p>“Gabe?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You haven’t had, well, stray thoughts or anything lately, right?”</p><p>Snorting, he glanced sideways at Sam. “No. Just those two times.”</p><p>“Oh. Good. Good. I’m glad.” Sam sighed heavily, closing his eyes. “I’ve been meditating a lot because it’s, well, it’s a lot sometimes.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“You didn’t notice how—I don’t know—everything is amplified all the time?”</p><p>He chuckled, glancing at Sam lopsidedly with a smirk. “To me, everything’s rather muted now actually, but I take it my Grace is causing more issues than we thought?” He leaned forward when he noticed the hazel eyes dart away sharply. “What is it?”</p><p>“You promise not to tease me over it?”</p><p>“No, but I’ll try not to.”</p><p>Sam huffed a laugh. “I guess that’s the best I’ll get.”</p><p>“For now at least,” he agreed. “What is it?”</p><p>“I’m—I don’t know!” Sighing heavily, the plaid lumberjack of a giant teddy bear threw his arms up. “I try to get my mind focused on staying calm, relaxed, but everything in me tells me to fight, to attack, to draw blood.” He then scratched behind his ear with an awkward wince. “Except you that is.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>How in the hell Gabriel was keeping his face straight saying that was beyond him. He knew exactly what Sam was talking about honestly. He remembered that vividly. The primal instincts were still there even now, but likely a result of his Grace reaching out and reminding him.</p><p>“You didn’t have that?”</p><p>“Moments of wanting to kill people?” he deadpanned. At the nod, he forced a polite smile. “Can’t say I did really. I mean, you know the whole Trickster thing. I did kill. Guilty there.” He shrugged casually. “However, they were assholes who deserved it, not, you know, innocent victims. They were assholes who hurt people, who needed to be stopped before they did more damage.”</p><p>“Even the guy who debunked tourist traps? Seriously?”</p><p>“Okay, well, maybe he didn’t necessarily deserve being dropped into a wormhole exactly. However, he was a bit of a pompous ass. And he didn’t die for the record.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Might as well admit the truth. “After your whole begging me went down with the sad puppy dog eyes, I may have, you know, taken a second look at my actions and considered a few things.”</p><p>“Meaning?”</p><p>“I figured he learned his lesson and brought him back a day after you two left. Dude was much nicer to his daughter after that. Let me tell you. He was a whole new man.”</p><p>“You brought him back?”</p><p>Gabriel nodded slowly. “Yep.”</p><p>“Huh. Who’d have thought it?” Amber eyes narrowed in confusion. “You’re a big, ol’ softie.”</p><p>“You take that back right now!” he huffed, clearly outraged by the words.</p><p>His super!Moose chuckled loudly, though, shaking his head. “Oh!” He looked like a little kid on Christmas. “Oh, this is perfect! And you’re blushing again, too? You’re actually blushing.”</p><p>“Damn it, Sam!” He shoved the laughing idiot back with a petulant frown. This didn’t bode well for him at all. How was he supposed to win at their verbal sparring if he was wearing his emotions?</p><p>“You know,” Sam drew out with a wide grin, “we humans have a saying. Want to hear it?”</p><p>“Fuck you.”</p><p>“Close,” Sam snickered. “Karma’s a bitch.” His laughter increased as hazel eyes lightened in sheer glee. “This is going to be so fun.”</p><p>“Yeah? You’re forgetting something there, sport.”</p><p>“Oh, am I?” drawled the hunter with a pleased smirk. “And what’s that exactly?”</p><p>All it took was one thought, one specific image, one that made Casa Erotica look like a kid’s show really, and Gabriel watched Sam visibly swallow, losing his smirk at once.</p><p>“It’s my Grace inside you. It still recognizes me. So, you know, be careful what you wish for there, Sam. All I’m saying. Hate to, you know, cause any unfortunate—<em>what</em>?” He blinked when Sam closed his eyes and leaned forward unexpectedly. Had his Grace punished Sam for some reason? Had the bond? “Talk to me. What’s going on?” Then he felt the gentle caress of Grace and understood. Oh. “Just breathe through it. Think about—I don’t know—salads or something.”</p><p>“Salads?” Hazel eyes glared at him. “You want me to think about salads?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Honestly, that was a downright lie, but strong foundations seemed important in relationships started out of forced bonds as theirs had. “Like, what’s your favorite lettuce?”</p><p>Sam stared at him for a moment before scoffing. “My favorite—you’re terrible at this.”</p><p>“Well, I’m an archangel, all right?” he groused. “Cut me some slack here, will you?”</p><p>“I’m not the one who sent <em>those</em> images, Gabe!”</p><p>“Hey, I don’t play fair! You knew that from the start, Oh Sam of my Heart!” Who would have thought that’d have undone Sam’s control that quickly? “Don’t go blaming me for fighting fire with—”</p><p>“Dumping gasoline and a few gallons of grease on it for good measure?” Sam muttered, running a hand through his shaggy hair. “We’ll be lucky if we make it through the night.”</p><p>“What does that mean?”</p><p>“Never mind.” Sighing heavily, he pushed himself up to his feet and turning away.</p><p>“No, clearly, you meant something by that. So, come on. Out with it.”</p><p>“Gabe, drop it.”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think so. Not this time.”</p><p>Sam clenched his jaw and glared. “You’re an annoying little shit, you know that?”</p><p>“Some say it’s my gift,” he remarked back dryly, slowly pushing himself up and hissing at how stiff and sore his knees and back were already. Getting old sucked. He shut off the tap and grabbed the towel from the hanger, quickly wrapping it around his lower half.</p><p>“You always have to have the last word, don’t you?”</p><p>He shrugged, heading to the bench where fresh clothes had been set out for him. He supposed Sam did that too. “Not always, but usually, yeah. Why?” He turned back, catching Sam’s eyes darting up sharply clearly having been caught. Gabriel brushed it off. “Does that drive you insane?”</p><p>“I swear.” Sam scoffed, shaking his head.</p><p>“You swear what?”</p><p>“Good night, Gabriel!” The tall hunter turned away, quickly striding to the door. “Try not to hurt yourself again, will you?”</p><p>“If I do, don’t worry, beloved Samheart. I’ll just pray to you!” he tossed back, snickering when he heard the groan before Sam left. He then glanced down at the sweet dog who was expectantly staring back up at him. “What?” She huffed a loud sigh, clearly done with his bullshit. “All right. Let’s get dressed and find some food. Maybe while we’re at it, we can try to figure out if there’s anything to find out who you belong to, yeah?” Staying right at his side, she nuzzled against his leg lightly as he pet her. “Didn’t I tell you Sam would love you, though?” She gave a quiet bark, turning away to glance at the door. “He’s a good man, isn’t he? Better than I deserve at least. But maybe, you know, who knows? Maybe I don’t fuck up this time. There’s always a first time for anything.” He sighed heavily, clearly realizing he was rambling like a smitten teenager. Ugh. He was probably worse than Cassie.  “I really, really love him,” he admitted quietly. “Any pointers?” She walked away, though. “Yeah, good talk.”</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Final Countdown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following morning, he woke to loud snoring beside him. Frowning, Gabriel peeked one eye open and snorted at the sight of the clearly relaxed big, furry brat on the other side of the pillow. Well, at least one of them was having a pleasant dream.</p><p>Yawning, he sat up, glancing around the darkened room as he stretched before he brought a hand down to rub at the soft fur. Everything seemed to be in its usual place. Though, who knew if it really was? In fact, who would have thought his biggest issue with sleeping was the disorientation and panic brought on by the reminder of his vulnerable state and loss of control?</p><p>At a slight kick against him, he glanced down and snorted.</p><p>“Hey, keep your paws to yourself over there, will you?” He caught the annoyed look and shook his head. “And, for the record, who told you that you could sleep in my bed, brat?” He watched her lazily hop back off the bed, clearly already sure that she was in control here, not him. “Just for that, you’re not getting my bacon this morning.” If they were even having bacon. Sometimes Dean made other stuff for breakfast, but Gabriel really liked the bacon the most.</p><p>At the insistent scratching at his closed door, he rolled his eyes. Yeah, princess over there was just going to have to wait until he was dressed. He grabbed the sweats from where he had thrown them into the chair last night, slipping inside it a few seconds later and grabbing one of the old vintage tees Dean had offered him.</p><p>The scratching increased frantically, causing him to hurry across the room.</p><p>“All right. All right. Hold your horses. I’m coming,” he muttered, opening the door. The second he had it open enough for her to squeeze through, she zoomed off. “Oh for the love of—” He rushed off after her, darting around Sheriff Mills and Eileen when he came upon them. “Sorry!” he yelled over his shoulder to the ladies. For a hundred-something pound dog whose puppy days were quite a few years behind her, she sure ran fast.</p><p>He chased after her, cutting through the kitchen to beat her to the stairs.</p><p>“Gabriel!” Dean shouted from somewhere near the stove.</p><p>“Sorry!” he called back. “I’ll get her!”</p><p>“Get—what the hell! You let the dog loose?!”</p><p>As if he had any control over her as it was, Gabriel thought bitterly, jumping in front of the dog heading like a freight train at him. He was two seconds too late, which never would have happened if he had his Grace still. She rushed through his legs and up the stairs.</p><p>At the sound of the door creaking above, his head whipped upwards.</p><p>“No! Don’t!”</p><p>“Gabe—WHOA!” Sam’s voice smoothly went from confused to pure shock within seconds. “Where do you think you’re going, huh?”</p><p>The archangel bounded up the stairs, sighing when he saw that Sam had his arms wrapped around her.</p><p>“Thank you.” He snatched the black leash from the small table on the landing, quickly slipping it onto the collar’s hook. “Now, we can go, princess brat,” he huffed at the petulant furball, wondering vaguely if he was dizzy because he was kneeling so damn close to Sam that he could practically feel Sam’s warmth or because he had just had a mild panic attack over their dog being loose in the bunker. Speaking of the brat, she tugged on the leash hard, sending him bumping into Sam.</p><p>“You better go,” laughed his amused moose, hands locked on Gabriel’s biceps to keep him from falling forward. “I’ll make sure Dean saves you some bacon.”</p><p>“You’re a lifesaver, I swear—” Another insistent tug of the leash stopped his thought in its tracks. “Oh, will you stop already?” he groused at the dog who was trying to pull him across the landing out the door. “We’re going. We’re going.” Sam quickly tossed something around Gabriel’s shoulders just as the archangel finally followed the dog out the door.</p><p>Exactly a minute later, he noticed the puppy dog eyes directed his way and sighed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>She whined back for a second before a loud bark erupted from her.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry, sport. I don’t speak dog anymore unfortunately.” At least he was fairly certain he didn’t. Maybe he did but he wasn’t trying hard enough. Or . . . he then pulled the jacket draped over his shoulders closer, pausing and glancing down at it. A small smile tugged at his lips. “All right. You almost finished over there? Or are we going to freeze some more?”</p><p>It wasn’t even really that cold out. It was cool, but he definitely couldn’t see his breath. Hell, he wasn’t even shivering yet. However, it wasn’t the comfy temperature the bunker was set at, so he wasn’t exactly okay with feeling this yet. Maybe in a few months if given time when he had gotten used to this human weakness.</p><p>“All right. Let’s head back then. Maybe if you’re good, I’ll even save <em>you</em> a piece of bacon.”</p><p>She ignored him, though, and walked past.</p><p>“Keep it up. I’ll name you Queen Bitch yet.”</p><p>A sharp bark instantly replied sassily, resulting in Gabriel’s quiet chuckle before he hesitantly removed her from the leash. So far, she seemed not to want to run on him except for her understandable bathroom shuffle earlier.</p><p>“So, don’t suppose you can tell me who you belong to, or, you know, where you’re from? Not really up for stealing someone’s dog. Bad karma and all that, you know?”</p><p>Tail high, she walked back towards the bunker, though, obviously done with this conversation.</p><p>“You know, we’re eventually going to have to take you back to your real owners. And trust me. As a fellow runner here myself, sometimes you have to stick it out to learn that you have good people around you, that you’re loved.”</p><p>“You referring about the dog here or yourself?” a low voice quietly remarked in front of him.</p><p>He glanced up, sighing when he caught Dean’s look.</p><p>“Shouldn’t you be in the kitchen?” he tossed back.</p><p>“Yeah, probably, but Sammy said our guest of honor here was giving you sass this morning.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“And I wanted to see it,” Dean replied with a non-apologetic shrug. “Something about karma and what goes around comes around.”</p><p>“Hilarious.”</p><p>They walked inside together.</p><p>“So, how are you doing today anyway?” the hunter asked as they walked down the staircase.</p><p>“Well, woke up to stinky dog breath, so that was fun.”</p><p>A hand instantly grabbed Gabriel’s arm. “Dude, you let the dog sleep with you?”</p><p>“Let? No. That would mean I had a choice in the matter. Trust me. There was no choice. I just woke up, and there she was.”</p><p>His future brother-in-law laughed. “All right then. Oh, hey, by the way, took a look at the bike last night.” When amber eyes narrowed, Dean shrugged. “Didn’t have anything better to do honestly.”</p><p>“My look wasn’t because of that,” clarified the archangel. “More so why you’d even waste your time looking at something I ruined.”</p><p>The comment was waved off, though. “Most of the damage seems cosmetic really. Found some of parts for it online already, so it shouldn’t take long to fix it up again.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. Course,” Dean scoffed. “Not my first time restoring a motorcycle.”</p><p>“So, not only are you a badass hunter who saved the world’s ass more times than should have ever happened, you’re telling me you can restore cars, too?”</p><p>A shy, proud smile tugged at Winchester’s lips. “Eh, I dabble from time to time.”</p><p>“I bet.” Gabriel shook his head slowly. “Damn. You’re the whole package, aren’t you?”</p><p>Dean threw his head back, laughing. “Dude, please. Keep your weird flirting to yourself. I’m a hundred percent into Cas.”</p><p>“Really? You don’t say.” As if the entire world didn’t know that already. “Shocker.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah. Keep it up, asshole.”</p><p>“If you’re so good at restoring cars, why aren’t you doing that now instead of hiding out here in the bunker, pretending to be Giles to the next gen of hunters?”</p><p>Dean paused just as they were about to walk into the kitchen.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“How much TV have you watched exactly?”</p><p>“Enough.”</p><p>“You are sleeping, though, right? Like, we don’t need to be worried you’re staying up binging shows like a cyborg all night, right?”</p><p>Gabriel rolled his eyes, blinking a second later when Dean grabbed his wrist.</p><p>“I’m serious, man.”</p><p>“Yes, Dean. I’m sleeping. A full nine hours a night.”</p><p>“You know you only need six, right?”</p><p>“Actually, it depends on the person according to latest sleep research,” chimed in Sheriff Mills as she attempted to walk past them. “You can thank Donna for that tidbit. She keeps me up to date on all that knowledge.” Her phone chimed. “There she is again.” She sighed heavily before she patted Dean’s arm. “Thanks for breakfast. I should start heading back soon, though. The girls are getting rather restless unfortunately. Unless you think . . . ”</p><p>Gabriel instantly caught the look between her and Dean.</p><p>“Nah. I think we’re good. Right?” the hunter asked, glancing at him.</p><p>“How should I know?” replied the quiet archangel, brushing past them and heading to the vacant spot next to Sam. When a hand brushed against his right leg accidentally, he tilted his head to the side.</p><p>“Sorry.” Sam then pointed at the plate he made for him. “What do you think?”</p><p>Amber eyes slowly followed the hazel before a laugh. “Is that a smiley face waffle?” Of all the things, that wasn’t one he’d have thought would greet him for breakfast this morning. He shook his head. The strawberry eyes were probably the cutest damn thing he’d seen.</p><p>“Maybe.” His Samheart then leaned back with a piece of food in hand. “Come here, girl.”</p><p>The sassy furry princess, however, remained by Gabriel’s side, head resting on his thigh possessively as she patiently waited for something.</p><p>“You realize the sweet moose over there’s offering you food, right?” he remarked quietly, wondering why she was still refusing. “I’m not going to be offended. Really.” She didn’t move, though.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Gabriel turned his head to glance over. “Oh, what?”</p><p>“I think she’s a service animal.”</p><p>“The dog?” Dean asked.</p><p>“Yes. I mean, it makes sense after all. Look at how she’s reacting. She couldn’t care any less about my having food for her, but I bet if Gabe—”</p><p>Glancing down, the Graceless archangel grabbed the piece of food Sam offered and held it out himself. She briefly looked at it, but remained with her head on his thigh, clearly waiting for something.</p><p>“It’s okay. You can have it,” he said gently, patting the top of her head. “I won’t be mad.”</p><p>She huffed loudly but still didn’t move.</p><p>“So, she’s waiting for a command obviously.”</p><p>“Yeah, but who knows what that word is if she’s trained.”</p><p>“At some point, you’re also going to need to give her a name, too.”</p><p>“I’m not naming her until I know for certain she’s not anyone else’s first. I don’t want to confuse the poor sweetheart,” Gabriel remarked, scratching behind her ears lightly. At the sound of absolute silence, he glanced up, catching the looks. “What?”</p><p>“So, to recap here, you love my brother,” Dean stated.</p><p>“Enjoy the presence of children,” Cas chimed in.</p><p>“And love animals,” Eileen added with a wide smile.</p><p>“Then there’s the sugar addiction, too,” remarked Sam.</p><p>“All right? And . . . ?” Gabriel didn’t follow their line of thinking at all.</p><p>“Well, it’s official. We’ve lost him to the elves, Jim,” Dean drawled.</p><p>“Jim?” Cas quietly said squinting. “There is no Jim here.”</p><p>Eileen and Sam laughed as Dean groaned.</p><p>“We seriously need to work on your humor, angel,” sighed Winchester.</p>
<hr/><p>Several hours later, Gabriel sighed heavily, stretching out in the library as he scrolled through another page of missing area dogs. There sure were a lot of dogs missing in the area unfortunately. However, none of them were Bernese.</p><p>Boots tapping against the floor caused his head to jerk up.</p><p>“Anything yet?” asked Eileen as she walked in with Sheriff Mills at her side.</p><p>“Nothing so far.” He turned the laptop towards them as both women sat down across from him. “I’ve put up a post in the group for missing dogs of Smith county and in the group for Kansas. Added it over to Instagram too. Found a cool job over on Craigslist, though.”</p><p>Sheriff Mills snorted, turning the laptop back to him.</p><p>“Well, I have the girls working their magic, too. Hopefully, we can find out who she belongs to, but without tags and a microchip, you heard the vet earlier. We might never know.”</p><p>He sighed, running his fingers lightly through the thick fur. “Yeah.”</p><p>“So . . .”</p><p>He didn’t like the sound of that. “Yeah?”</p><p>“We noticed you and Sam are pretty cozy lately,” Eileen declared, giving him a pointed look. “Anything you want to say? Maybe?”</p><p>“Like—I don’t know—” Sheriff Mills picked up, shrugging, “are you and he together or . . . ?”</p><p>“No one likes Gossip Girls,” he remarked with a frown.</p><p>“Says you,” Eileen retorted.</p><p>“Come on, Gabriel. Throw us a bone here. Please? After all, we’re facing a long ass drive back to South Dakota. Give us something.”</p><p>“We’re?” he repeated, glancing between both women.</p><p>“Yeah. Eileen’s coming back with me to spend a night or two.”</p><p>“Or the week,” replied the brunette with a shrug. “Depends on the wine I’m promised.”</p><p>Sheriff Mills laughed.</p><p>“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Charlie and Stevie are stopping for a night before they head onto Montana.”</p><p>“So, a house full of women and wine, sounds fun.”</p><p>“Something like that. Now, out with it. What’s going on between you two?”</p><p>He shrugged, though. “Nothing to say.”</p><p>“Really?” Eileen drawled, leaning back in disbelief.</p><p>“We know that I love him, and that he feels something for me—”</p><p>“Love,” Eileen and Sheriff Mills both stated simultaneously with wide grins.</p><p>“Something for me,” he repeated firmly, “but that’s it. We have a whole mess of crap to deal with first before any of that can even begin to—”</p><p>“It’s been thirteen years, Gabriel. And contrary to whatever Sam is telling you, he’s showing you loudly that what he feels isn’t just regular friendship.”</p><p>“In other words, Sam wants you.” Eileen grinned conspiratorially. “Badly.”</p><p>“So, buttercup—”</p><p>“Buttercup?” he mouthed.</p><p>“Yes, buttercup,” Sherriff Mills stated with a head nod, “march in his room right now and finish that conversation.”</p><p>“Yeah, as awesome as that sounds,” he replied, feeling a slight flush creep up his face, “no.”</p><p>“He wants you.”</p><p>“While I’m sure—” He then felt Sam’s presence slip into the room, glancing up and finding his bonded standing in the entryway.</p><p>“Hey,” Sam murmured lightly, forcing himself to head to Gabe with a sandwich that he set down in front of the archangel. “Thought you might be hungry again.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Hazel eyes darted to the ladies who were staring back softly.</p><p>“What?” Sam glanced back at Gabriel questionably.</p><p>“What on Earth are you waiting for?” Sheriff Mills asked with a loud sigh.</p><p>“That,” Eileen added with a nod. “You like him, Sam. Have for a really long time.”</p><p>“Um, okay, well, first off, Gabe and I are none of your business,” he replied politely. “And, secondly, weren’t you two headed to Sioux Falls anyway?”</p><p>The ladies both sighed heavily before they pushed themselves to their feet.</p><p>“We just want you both happy.”</p><p>“We are happy.” Sam’s eyes then flicked back to Gabriel. “Right?”</p><p>“Hell if I know,” quipped the de-powered archangel. “I’m just the dumb celestial being. You’re the expert in feelings here.” He then turned his attention back to the laptop, clicking onto the next page and scrolling through it. Only twenty more pages to the end.</p><p>At the feel of arms wrapping around his shoulders a second later, he paused. Eileen was hugging Sam, which meant he was being hugged by Sheriff Mills. Swallowing, he tilted his head towards her.</p><p>“Call if you need anything, okay? Day or night. I mean it,” she said quietly.</p><p>“Thank you?” he replied hesitantly, wondering just what was going on exactly.</p><p>“No. Thank you,” she corrected before she stood back up. She glanced at the dog at Gabriel’s side who was regarding the sheriff suspiciously. “I’m trusting you to keep him out of trouble, got it?” The bratty fluff ball barked back before she laid back down at his feet again. A second later, Sheriff Mills headed to Sam as Eileen headed towards him.</p><p>Prepared this time, he didn’t flinch when Eileen hugged him. However, the second he felt her kiss to his cheek, he swallowed.</p><p>“Don’t be an idiot,” she stated before she pointed at Sam. “Either of you.” The ladies then left.</p><p>“All right then.” Sam sighed heavily. “Think it’s safe to say they clearly love you.”</p><p>He snorted. “What can I say? I’m lovable.” At the sound of wing beats a second later, he tensed, pulling Sam instinctively closer to protect him. His eyes narrowed when he saw his older brother.</p><p>“I’m afraid it’s time. They’ve come to a ruling,” Michael announced solemnly.</p><p>Gabriel sighed deeply. Time to face the music.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Heaven Knows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After it was decided Cas and Dean would babysit Gabriel’s dog while Gabriel and Sam were away, Michael whisked them out of the bunker. Gabriel wasn’t quite sure yet what to make out of Sam being asked to come along. However, Michael assured them all that Sam wasn’t at any risk, thanks to the splintered Grace.</p><p>The second they appeared in the white pristine cold walls of Heaven that he knew was for Sam’s benefit more than his, Gabriel sighed inwardly. He was back home after eons of being away. It hadn’t changed in the slightest in terms of feeling. It still felt like a prison to him and caused him to fidget nervously.</p><p>They silently followed Michael through the empty corridor towards the large office it seemed. The second he saw the doors appear in front of them, Gabriel closed his eyes. The last time he had been inside that room was the last time he had spoken to his father. They had argued like cats and dogs, eventually resulting in Gabriel turning his back to his dad and choosing to find a way to skip out on Heaven right then and there forever. He never thought he’d be back.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Sam asked quietly beside him.</p><p>“Peachy,” he replied, hearing how horrible he was at lying himself. Another sigh fell from his lips. “It’s just . . . it’s been a while since I was here. That’s all.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“They’re waiting for you,” Michael announced softly, stepping to the side.</p><p>“You’re not coming in and watching me get dressed down like old times?”</p><p>“I’m not allowed inside,” his brother admitted with lowered eyes.</p><p>“Any last words for me then?”</p><p>“Many, but . . . none that would help, I fear.” Michael sighed deeply. “For what it matters, though, I do believe you did the right thing, Gabriel.”</p><p>Well, that was a first. “Which time?”</p><p>“Both,” his brother answered before he stood at attention, clearly ending the conversation.</p><p>Shaking his head, Gabriel pushed open the door and motioned Sam inside. “And now for this next part of the tour,” he joked quietly, “we have what was formerly Dad’s office where he frequently pulled me inside and told me what an utter disappointment I was.”</p><p>“Gabe—”</p><p>“Now, now, mustn’t keep whoever waiting. Surely that’s not a good way to earn any points with the suits, you know?”</p><p>Sam’s eyes softened even more, clearly wanting to do his usual comfort and offer help thing again. However, he relented after a moment and stepped inside without another word. They could talk about that later. If there was a later that was.</p><p>They walked further into the room.</p><p>Everything was still completely the same as it had been when Gabriel left all those years ago. Framed in elegant silver, thick glass ran from ceiling to floor and lined the entire left side of the office. At first glance, one would assume they were glass walls. However, Gabriel knew the truth. They were the screens Chuck had used to watch over his playthings in the infinite multiverses in the past. Each one now, though, was turned off.</p><p>The entire right side of the room was nothing but filled bookcases. He noted his father’s manuscripts in the heavy tomes and the noticeable empty space that had once held the original Winchester gospels before he had stolen a copy for himself. Someday he probably would hand that copy to Sam, so the truth was finally out there on how invested the youngest archangel had become in their story line, had forced himself to become a part when he wasn’t ever supposed to be near the messengers of God’s destruction.</p><p>When he was ready to reveal that at least. He wasn’t quite there yet.</p><p>“Hello, Uncle,” Jack happily called out finally, gaining Gabriel’s attention instantly. His nephew’s bright cheerful eyes then darted to the side. “Sam.”</p><p>“Mikey says you’ve come to a decision,” Gabriel quietly spoke.</p><p>“We have.”</p><p>Gabriel’s eyes fell to the floor. A part of him wanted to ask why Balthazar of all angels was there, but he knew better. It’d be revealed or not. Though, the part that was wrecking him the most currently was seeing Amara, as she was known now, standing on Jack’s right. Gabriel had been crucial to her imprisonment. Her being here clearly wasn’t a good sign. It couldn’t be.</p><p>“You were following your father’s orders back then,” declared Amara, obviously hearing his inner turmoil clear as day. “I don’t fault you for that in the slightest.”</p><p>He glanced away.</p><p>“Well, come on then. Don’t be shy,” Gabriel quipped, his insides knotting in anticipation and dread. “What did you decide?”</p><p>Best to rip off the bandage now than wait any longer.</p><p>After all, Amara, Jack, and Balthazar all in a room together couldn’t spell good news. It couldn’t.</p><p>“Oh, ye of little faith,” snorted his little brother, shaking his head fondly. “For the record, it’s nice to see you as well. It’s only been—<em>what</em>—since we were with Messalina in the brothel?”</p><p>Sam, however, stepped closer in that moment, resting a comforting hand against Gabriel’s arm. Somehow he always knew precisely when to comfort and when to back off. Though, that had to be another effect of their bond.</p><p>“If that’s what you wish,” Jack quietly murmured.</p><p>“Yeah. Let’s get this over with already.”</p><p>His nephew nodded sharply before he glanced first to Amara and then to Balthazar.</p><p>“As you wish. However, before we rule, you may offer any last words on this matter.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to say,” Gabriel replied. He had bonded with Sam accidentally in Crawford Hall, but it had helped him save the man he loved and pull Sam back from Death’s clutches later, so it was worth it. What more did he need to say? His actions had spoken loud enough. When it came to saving Sam, anything would go. And wasn't that what love was all about after all? Risking everything for the person you love more than anything and can't live without as you grow old together?</p><p>“Um, sorry, but do you mind if I say something?” Sam interrupted hesitantly.</p><p>Jack glanced towards the man who raised him, his one of three fathers.</p><p>“Please,” the Nephilim replied, motioning Sam to continue while Gabriel frowned.</p><p>Just what exactly was Sam doing here?</p><p>“On Earth, these sorts of proceedings would require the victim stating they were assaulted. As I’m the supposed victim in this matter . . .” His voice trailed off for a moment before he sighed. “I formally request the charges or whatever this is be dropped against him. It was an accident. He didn’t do it maliciously. He didn’t do it to be a dick. He did it because, quite frankly, meeting me and seeing my soul was something he found so beautiful he fell pretty hard over. They call it on Earth love at first sight. Your cherubs usually are at play in those instances. So, how is that okay for humans, but not for an archangel who just got overwhelmed by feeling something he had never felt before? He has never fully acted on that bond with me. In fact, he’s denied himself of it, which, according to Cas, likely caused a lot of pain and suffering over the years. I’m just asking for a little leniency, a little mercy because it was a mistake, an accident. That’s all.”</p><p>“Thank you—”</p><p>“—actually,” Sam cut back in again with a raised index finger, “there’s one more thing I want to add. I accepted the bond before he did whatever it was to bring me back alive. I <em>accepted</em> it. So, there’s no crime here. You have no victim, so there’s no crime, which means there’s no reason for these proceedings.” He then bowed his head. “Thank you.”</p><p>“What a passionate plea,” Balthazar drawled with his usual playful smirk.</p><p>“Agreed,” Amara stated with a nod. “However, the ruling remains the same.” She then turned towards Jack, waiting for him to speak.</p><p>Gabriel gave a small, encouraging smile to Sam. It’d be okay. He had made his bed long ago. Now, he had to lie in it and face the consequences. The moments he had with his human, they would be enough again. They had always been in the past after all.</p><p>The most important part out there was that Sam knew now. He knew how loved he was by the archangel who loved humanity the most, loved it like his father had claimed that it was supposed to be loved. His bonded knew that. There was no doubt left about the depth of that love. Gabriel had given everything up for Sam, and he’d do it all again in a heartbeat without hesitation.</p><p>Jack stepped forward with Amara and Balthazar quickly joining him.</p><p>“All charges regarding the bond between you and Sam have been dismissed. No evidence was found to substantiate the claim of a forced bonding between you. In fact, quite the contrary was discovered actually.”</p><p>Amber eyes stared back numbly, wondering if he was hearing correctly.</p><p>“What?” Sam thankfully managed to get out as Gabriel could only stare back like an idiot.</p><p>“You were correct when you spoke of the cherubs,” Balthazar replied patiently. “They were actually the missing piece.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>What the hell did the lower-tier hugging weirdos have to do with him and Sam?</p><p>“Every cherub records their matches,” answered Amara. “They turn them in at the end of every year so that they can be filed away. It was something my brother was very adamant they do.”</p><p>“And we were in one of the books?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Balthazar grinned widely before he picked up where Amara left off. “You were in several in fact, including <em>the</em> book.” He forced a quiet, amused laugh. “Not even Castiel and Dean are in that one.”</p><p>“They were,” Jack corrected quietly. “Chuck, however, removed them from it when he realized their combined power would easily outmatch his.”</p><p>“But Dad left us in it?”</p><p>“He did. However, we have a feeling Death played a hand in it, too.”</p><p>“Death?” Sam repeated haltingly. “I don’t understand.”</p><p>“Allow me,” Balthazar drawled, outstretching his hand and causing a heavy black tome to shimmer into existence. “Normally, you aren’t allowed to see this, seeing as how you’re a fragile being and all, but I’ll allow it this time.”</p><p>Gabriel instantly blinked before his head tilted to the side. “Um, Balth?”</p><p>“Yes?” The shit-eating grin and steely grays were wide and gleeful.</p><p>Where would he even begin? He drew in a breath a second later and laughed nervously. It couldn’t be possible. No way. This was Balthy after all.</p><p>However, the more he stared at his brother, the more he noticed the details that screamed the truth. After all, from what Gabriel discerned over the years, Balthazar rarely wore long overcoats like this one. Black jackets, yes, and even the occasional leather one as well, but not long, black wool overcoats that were more suitable for FBI agents or Castiel. And then there was the teardrop-shaped white stone set into the mouth of a silver skull ring with liquid black eyes on his brother’s finger, too. However, in contrast, his brother was also wearing a satiny dark reddish-purple button-down shirt (naturally with the first four buttons undone and opened to show off his chest like usual) and a pair of skinny jeans tucked over boots. Not exactly the image that sprang when one thought of Death.</p><p>“That book is—”</p><p>“From Death’s library, I know,” Balthazar coolly stated.</p><p>“Wait. Why—okay, I’m lost. Why are we in one of Death’s book that a cherub wrote in?”</p><p>“Oh, this isn’t the book the cherub wrote in, Samuel.”</p><p>“Then—”</p><p>“This is the book of Father.”</p><p>Sam’s eyes widened as his mouth dropped.</p><p>“We used it to confirm the claim from the Cherub. And, lo and behold, it’s there in black and white.”</p><p>“Impossible.”</p><p>“See for yourself,” Balthazar remarked, handing out the tome with the desired page already open. “It’s right here.”</p><p>Gabriel skimmed the page.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="letter">
  <p>
    <em> . . . And the breath of everlasting life from their union gave him the strength he’d always had but never harnessed until he fell for his beloved mortal.</em>
  </p>
</div><p>The words echoed in his head from their ill-fated meeting with the Heavenly Host the day Sam had died and was resurrected.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="letter">
  <p>
    <em>He offered his life as payment to save his love, and it was refused outright,</em>
  </p>
</div><p>Closing his eyes briefly, he skipped ahead a second later.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="letter">
  <p>
    <em>Their union was blessed by the great Heavenly Host itself before the two star-crossed lovers were returned to Paradise. And the Archangel Gavriel, Humanity’s Fiercest Warrior and Lover of all creatures, finally found his peace at last.</em>
  </p>
</div><p>Where it had stopped in the vision when he had touched Sam to wake him, it continued in the book and explained further.</p><p> </p><p></p><div class="letter">
  <p>
    <em>With shared Grace and power mixing with his beloved mortal’s bright soul, he tethered them as one forever. His actions undid the binds placed onto their love, rewriting and giving back all that was lost prior because of his father’s interference that were meant to prevent free will from succeeding.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Destined to take his father’s place in Heaven, Gavriel chose a mortal life on Paradise instead.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Fated by Gavriel’s father to rule Hell, his beloved mortal chose Gavriel instead, casting off the titles of Boy King and vessel to the second born Archangel Lucifer.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Destiny and fate unraveled, spinning the story it should have been all those years ago when the cherub Mofial had watched their playful interactions upon first greetings and happily blessed their love, unaware of Gavriel’s angelic status until it was too late and had already formed a bond.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>For the archangel who swore his allegiance and love to Humanity and for the mortal who saved Humanity from the twisted false God by bringing forth destruction, this arrow allowed this book to conclude properly and thus closing the final chapter as it started a new book elsewhere.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The End</em>
  </p>
</div><p>How exactly this could be considered a proper ending was mind-boggling. However, it was right there. Their story. Or at least the part of it in Chuck’s book.</p><p>Because of Gabriel’s longtime hiding himself in plain sight ruse, an unfortunate cherub had stumbled across them in Crawford Hall that day and witnessed their playful banter, the initial attraction. The poor thing likely didn’t even know until after its arrow pierced Gabriel who the archangel really was, thanks to all the glamours and spells meant to disguise him. He could imagine how the wretched lower angel took that mistake. It was no wonder how no one had realized it. Mofial likely pierced them, realized he had just pierced the archangel Gabriel, and slinked out soon after, hoping no one ever learned of it.</p><p>“Every time the bond between you strengthened, Father tried to undo it, weaken it,” Balthazar explained. “He was fearful of your combined force. So, he’d rewrite moments here or there to sway things in a certain manner. Make you flee and believe all the lies in your mind that you would not succeed. Give Sam another to love and rip them away. In fact,” his brother scoffed “Father made certain Asmodeus was the one to get you according to the book.”</p><p>Gabriel instantly flinched.</p><p>“He had a demon bring the notice to the Prince of Hellacious Terrible Style. Had the notice worded in such a way it would be irresistible to the pathetic power-hungry coward.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>An arm gently wrapped around his back as the archangel stared numbly at his brother.</p><p>“He knew?”</p><p>The blond’s head dipped forward solemnly. “He learned of your return the second he saw Sam, saw remnants of your Grace sprinkled on him. However, he didn’t know where you were exactly. You are, after all, quite the hide-and-sneak master. But he knew you had been near Sam, and that worried him greatly.”</p><p>“Why?” Sam asked quietly at Gabriel’s side.</p><p>“Why because Death had told him long ago during a meeting how out of all God’s creations, Gabriel was the one who loved Humanity the most, would defend it from God himself if need be—and would win every time.”</p><p>“Dad—”</p><p>“was God, yes. My brother, however,” Amara said quietly, “made you with something he could not understand but threw in on a whim while creating you. It was something <em>I</em> could not understand either until quite recently.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“He gave you heart, Gabriel. Love and hope, too,” she answered. “All things he longed for himself to have and faked brilliantly whenever he wanted to get his way, leaning into that first lie he told. You see, my brother believed one who was feared and worshiped was what it meant to be loved, to love. You showed him what love really was, though. How powerful it could be. How fierce it was. How it could heal wounds. How it could take the darkest, corrupted of hearts and sway it back to the light given enough time and effort.”</p><p>“Death saw it in you as well,” Balthazar stated coolly. “He looked forward to seeing what you could do if given enough time and freedom from Father. He believed you could lead us into what Father always said we would be—shepherds of humanity.”</p><p>“And instead I fled like a coward.”</p><p>“Uncle,” Jack quietly murmured, “without you, my father never would have rebelled as he did.”</p><p>Gabriel’s eyes narrowed before it hit him that his nephew was referring to Castiel, not Lucifer.</p><p>“All of this would not have been possible without that act of rebellion. I would never have had the heart and capacity of love that I learned from him.”</p><p>Balthazar added, “Both of which Castiel and I inherited from you, brother.”</p><p>“I’m not . . . I . . .” Gabriel’s words failed him again. He had fucked up a lot over his long life. He had killed. He had tortured. He had been an annoying little shit too at times. Even if they now had learned the bond wasn’t forced, it didn’t absolve him. He had hidden it from Sam for thirteen years. For little Jack’s sake, Gabriel had killed Sam’s brother over and over again, forced the man he loved to grieve and lose hope and—</p><p>“You’re wrong. All of you. I’m—I—you’re wrong,” he declared, shaking his head fiercely.</p><p>Balthazar instantly laughed boisterously, though, his steely grays twinkling in amusement.</p><p>“Oh, are we? Death,” he said, placing a hand to his chest before he motioned to Amara, “Darkness,” then to Jack “and God himself now, we are all wrong? Truly? Three of the most powerful beings in the universe are . . . wrong. Fascinating.”</p><p>“Wait.” Sam seemed temporarily thrown for a moment. “You’re Death now?”</p><p>“Yes,” Balthazar replied curtly. “It frankly came down to Castiel or me, and, well, my brother didn’t want any accidents to occur with his blossoming relationship with Dean, so I—you could say—volunteered as tribute for him.”</p><p>“That’s, um, that was rather nice of you I suppose.”</p><p>His brother shrugged flippantly. “That’s me. Mister Nice.”</p><p>Jack turned his head towards the angel and squinted. “You said you agreed for the scythe?”</p><p>“Oh, Jackie my boy, we must work on your social skills soon,” Balthazar sighed. He then motioned dramatically. “All right. Guilty. The scythe and this outfit—it was like it was made for me.”</p><p>Gabriel couldn’t hold back the laugh that bubbled up at that. Oh, brother. There was the little brat he knew and loved. The outfit did seem to suit the little terror well. However, he couldn’t stop thinking how this was his bratty brother who once shoved Cas off a cloud for the hell of it. Balthy—Death? It was mind blowing, but if the reapers were in such short supply, then he supposed it was possible.</p><p>“After all, who said Death has to look so drab all the time?” Balthazar shrugged casually. “Personally, I believe I look rather fetching currently.”</p><p>“Fetching?” Amara repeated with a sly smile. “Oh, but of course.”</p><p>“Well, that was rather rude.” Balthazar then summoned his scythe to show it off to them.</p><p>From top to bottom, silver vines wrapped around the black ornate handle to what appeared to be a stone of swirling rays of various colored lights before it finally curved out to the blade. Etchings of Enochian glowed bright with Grace for a moment prior to dulling once more. It was stylish and deadly, but also elegant and urbane.</p><p>“Whoa.”</p><p>“Yes. I know,” Balthazar said proudly. “Naturally, of course, I made a few improvements.”</p><p>Amara rolled her eyes as Jack shook his head silently.</p><p>“So far, I must say, this job has been rather easy actually. Mostly dull paperwork, but the reading material has been quite enlightening.”</p><p>Gabriel glanced at his nephew, who mouthed back ‘It keeps him out of trouble.’ Yeah, no doubt about that. However, when Balthazar read the last book, they’d be in trouble.</p><p>“Read yours a few times actually,” the brat admitted with a wide grin.</p><p>“I have a book?”</p><p>“It showed up after the whole soul fiasco,” Balthazar explained, waving a hand airily. “Must say, brother, you’re certainly going to live an interesting life. Well, in one of them at least. The other you die from a horrible accident in a candy factory.” He then leaned towards Sam, lowering his voice. “Keep him away from the Hershey’s plant if I were you.”</p><p>“Balthazar!” Amara and Jack both scolded.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Sam only smiled faintly, though. “Understood. Thanks.” He then leaned closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “Anything else?”</p><p>“Oh, well, only that you’re both happily married in about 98 percent of them. The other two percent, you typically murder him, which hardly anyone would blame you for honestly. All justifiable murders, I assure you.”</p><p>“Balthazar!” Amara rebuked, frowning deeply at him.</p><p>“As you wish, Auntie.”</p><p>Jack smiled silently, though, turning back to Gabriel and Sam.</p><p>“In the matter of your use of the forbidden Death’s reversal on Sam, the evidence was clear there regarding your actions. While it is understandable why you would, the fact remains you disrupted the natural order by saving him. You used an ancient taboo ritual that very nearly could have destroyed the world as a result of it.”</p><p>“Cosmic consequences,” Balthazar piped up to say.</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“What’s my punishment?” Gabriel felt Sam’s arm stiffen around him but brushed it off.</p><p>“Oh, little one,” Amara sighed quietly. “Your being human is punishment enough, we believe. However, we cannot disregard that Sam now has a part of your Grace entwined with his soul.”</p><p>“That was not in the books previously,” Balthazar revealed. “It’s new.”</p><p>“Humans are not designed to hold the power of an archangel,” Jack spoke. “While Sam is able to currently because he was the original true vessel to Lucifer, he will need to learn to control it.”</p><p>“Sooner rather than later,” Amara stated quietly.</p><p>“What she said,” Balthazar concurred. “Otherwise, your dear sweet Samuel will either destroy the world or you, and I would really like not to reap you quite yet, brother.”</p><p>“So, with this splintered Grace inside me, am I going to become an angel or . . .”</p><p>Jack shook his head. “No. There’s not enough Grace for that. For now, his Grace and your soul are in harmony. Much as how Amara and I were for awhile there. However, the longer it is with your soul, the stronger it will be.”</p><p>“That’s why it’s vital we get a handle on this now,” Amara announced “before it becomes too strong to control.”</p><p>“Now, if you were like Cassie and Dean,” Balthazar drawled, “this would be easier.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>Jack answered, “Cas’s Grace is burning out in both his vessel and in Dean. It has been for quite sometime in fact. It was a result of his rebelling and choosing Humanity. Gabriel, however, didn’t choose Humanity. He chose to save you, disregarding his own life.”</p><p>“In other words,” Balthazar smirked, “Brother’s Grace is a little bitter, shall we say, currently but will ultimately protect Sam if the need arises.”</p><p>“How am I supposed to teach him to control it?”</p><p>“It’s your Grace, Gabriel. It will listen to you still.”</p><p>“And honestly I’d imagine once you both consummate your relationship, it’ll all work out.”</p><p>“Oh, for Humanity’s sake,” Amara huffed, her head whipping towards the cheeky brat.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We spoke about this, Balthazar. At length.”</p><p>“Yes . . . and?”</p><p>She glanced at Jack with a pinched look before she turned back.</p><p>“Go do your job and reap someone.”</p><p>“But no one of importance is expected to die soon.”</p><p>“Then go back to your library,” she huffed.</p><p>“Fine.” He turned towards his brother then and grinned. “By the way, you can stop searching for the dog’s owners.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The dog that in one of the books unfortunately killed you—unintentionally of course.” Balthazar waved his hand again. “It was a slight miscalculation on my part, but I got it right this time.”</p><p>Amara snorted, rolling her eyes dramatically.</p><p>Gabriel’s head tilted all the way to the side. “I’m sorry. I’m not exactly following here.”</p><p>His brother sighed loudly. “All right. I’ll explain if I must.”</p><p>“You really don’t need to,” Amara remarked, clearly looking like she was about to kick him.</p><p>“Jack and Amara decided to get you both a dog.”</p><p>Sam coughed unexpectedly as Gabriel glanced at his nephew and his aunt.</p><p>“Jack thought it’d be good for Sam, and Auntie thought it’d be good for you. Thus, I found a dog for you. She’s well trained, and one hundred percent created for you. She has had no previous owners. And we couldn’t decide between making her a service animal or a therapy one because, well, you both have a lot of trauma to work through. So, we gave her a little of both.”</p><p>“So, she’s a ghost dog?”</p><p>“No. She’s real, very much alive. Jack molded her while Amara gave her life. And I brought her to you without you seeing me. I didn’t mean for her to run out in front of you certainly, but she was happy to see you honestly. And for the record, I stayed hidden to make sure you weren’t too horribly injured. I’m not that much of a dick after all.”</p><p>“She’s never had any owners before?”</p><p>“No. She’s never been alive in fact until now. They aged her up, knowing that a puppy in the bunker likely was going to be more mess than needed.”</p><p>“All three of you were a part of this?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Jack and Amara smiled faintly and nodded as Balthazar spoke.</p><p>“What made you decide Bernese?” Gabriel asked.</p><p>“They’re known for their loyalty and big hearts. Reminded me of someone.”</p><p>Chuckling quietly, the de-powered archangel shook his head. “Give you a scythe and you become sentimental all of a sudden.”</p><p>“Yes, I know. It’s terribly dreadful, I agree,” Balthazar drawled. His steely grays then darted to Sam. “Take care of my brother, or rather brothers, I suppose.”</p><p>“I will.”</p><p>“Good. Well, if you’ll excuse me,” the blond sighed dramatically, “duty calls.” He smiled widely. “Time to reap my first politician. Might be fun.”</p><p>“Balthazar!” Amara scolded just as he vanished. She instantly turned to Jack. “I told you we should have chosen Castiel.”</p><p>“He’ll be fine,” Jack replied with a small smile.</p><p>“Yes, but will humanity is the question.”</p><p>“Probably.”</p><p>Gabriel glanced at Sam and winced in sympathy. That didn’t bode well at all.</p><p>Amara sighed. “We should return you both to the bunker. I’m certain you’ve been missed.”</p><p>“It’s been, like, two minutes down there.” If even that by Gabriel’s estimate.</p><p>“More like thirty seconds,” his nephew stated with an obvious teenager shrug. “But it’s definitely been a stressful thirty seconds for Dad regardless. Until we meet again, Uncle.” He then glanced to the man beside Gabriel and becoming softer almost instantly. “Dad.”</p><hr/><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Give Corvu-ss some love over <a href="https://corvu-ss.tumblr.com/post/644770614402498560/art-i-made-as-part-of-gabrielbigbang-in-pairing">here </a> for the above.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Heat of the Moment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The second they arrived back in the library, the big fluffy dog immediately jumped up onto Gabriel, causing him to slide back slightly.</p><p>“Whoa, girl! Jeez,” he chuckled, rubbing her back lovingly. “Missed you, too, you big brat.”</p><p>“Well?” Dean asked, nervously glancing between them. “What happened?”</p><p>“Balthazar’s the new Death,” Sam replied casually as if talking about the weather.</p><p>Gabriel glanced at his Samshine incredulously. Well, all right then. He let go of their dog, bending down when she started to whine again. Someone was very needy today, and for once it wasn’t him this time.</p><p>“You’re shitting me!” Dean exclaimed with wide eyes.</p><p>“Nope,” Gabriel chimed in.</p><p>“May humanity survive,” Cas sighed quietly with a head shake.</p><p>“Believe it or not,” Sam said, “he seems to have grown up a bit since we last saw him.”</p><p>A bit? If he didn’t look exactly like the photo Gabriel had of his little brother in the vessel, he wouldn’t have recognized the brat. But his brother seemed happy, and that was all he ever wanted for Castiel and Balthazar ever.</p><p>“Balthazar? Really?” Dean frowned. “The dude who will sleep with anything that breathes more than Mr. Sexual Innuendo here himself? That guy?”</p><p>“Hey! I can get around plenty still, thank you,” Gabriel bristled, wincing when he heard what he had just said. He quickly added, “I’m just a one-moose archangel now.” He caught Sam’s badly hidden smirk and turned away. Damn, that smirk was cute.</p><p>“Of course.” Winchester shook his head, though. “But, guys, I’m serious. What happened? How much trouble are you in? Do we need to talk to Jack? Tell the kid to intervene or something?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Wait. Seriously?”</p><p>“Seriously.”</p><p>Gabriel watched Sam’s grin grow and felt the heat rise as he unfortunately blushed. For the love of all that was mighty, he clearly needed to figure out how to control himself a little better than this. Otherwise, he was going to be a blushing archangel for the rest of his life, constantly heated and stumbling over himself like an idiot in love. And, while he was an idiot in love, he wasn’t quite sure if it was a good look on him or not yet.</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“It wasn’t a forced bond,” Sam revealed.</p><p>“Then what was it?”</p><p>“Well, you see, Dean,” drawled the smirking ray of sunshine that held Gabriel’s heart and then some, “sometimes people meet for the first time and don’t fuck around for decades like you and Cas.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Yeah, what exactly was his Samheart saying here because if one were honest, they had been just as bad as Dean and Cas.</p><p>Sam chuckled. “Long story short, we met, flirted a little bit, and got spied on by a cherub.”</p><p>Oh. Now, he got it.</p><p>“One who probably thought it was an easy lay,” Gabriel picked up and said, earning himself another loving, soft look “and pierced us with its arrow.”</p><p>Dean glared. “The term’s lay-up, idiot.”</p><p>“Is it?” quipped the mischievous archangel. “Because I’m fairly certain Sam’s an easy—’</p><p>“Okay, that’s it!” Dean declared, tossing up his arms. “We’re leaving. Come on, Cas.”</p><p>“But I want—”</p><p>“No, you don’t, angel. Trust me,” remarked Winchester huffily. “Not while these two idiots are like this. We’ll talk afterwards.”</p><p>“Gabriel?”</p><p>“Yeah, Cas?”</p><p>His brother leaned towards him, lowering his voice slightly. “You have protection, right?” It was the devilish sparkle in the oceanic blues that gave Castiel away.</p><p>“Course I do, kiddo. Never leave without it. You know that.” At the feel of Grace brushing against him in a loving manner, Gabriel’s grin broadened, desperately holding himself back from leaning into the warmth. “You?”</p><p>“Of course, brother.” His deep blues twinkled more in silent laughter. “You taught me that. Always be prepared.”</p><p>“No. No, no, we’re not—no—you—you shut your trap,” snapped Dean, pointing at Gabriel as he stepped in between the brothers. A second later, the hunter motioned for Cas to head towards the door. “Fucking wrong, I swear,” he muttered as the two left.</p><p>The second Dean and Cas were around the corner and out of earshot, Sam and Gabriel dissolved into a fit of laughter, glancing at one another in absolute glee.</p><p>“For the record, I’m not that easy, though,” argued Sam with a smile that sent the archangel’s heart skyrocketing.</p><p>“Oh?” He took a step forward, feeling the shift in the air instantly. “Is that so?”</p><p>Sam’s pupils widened before he moved closer, taking away all illusion of personal space between them.</p><p>“Yeah, it is.”</p><p>At the sound of paws tapping away in the opposite direction, the two chuckled quietly.</p><p>“I guess she was done with us, too.”</p><p>“So, it seems,” Gabriel remarked, his head swimming as he stared back. He wanted nothing more than to push up on his toes and pull Sam’s head down into a bruising, hot and heavy kiss. However, he resisted. He needed to remain in control. And the look Sam was giving him told him how he wouldn’t be in control for very long if he gave in.</p><p>“Hi.” Sam’s voice was in the sexy, low range that forced Gabriel to swallow.</p><p>“Did you know I once had sex with Red in here while I was waiting for you three to finish in the kitchen?” he blurted out, watching Sam visibly flinch back before Sam returned to earlier amusement a moment later with an astonished laugh.</p><p>“I, uh, did know that actually.” He shook his head fondly before he raised a hand up and gently pushed back Gabriel’s hair. “You’re not nervous by little ol’ me, are you?”</p><p>“Nervous? Who? Me? Psh. Puh-lease. I don’t get nervous.”</p><p>“Really?” Sam replied, somehow moving even closer which made Gabriel take a step back and bump into the long table. “Because you’re, uh, sure acting like you are.”</p><p>Sighing and practically crumpling in on himself in absolute surrender, he let his head fall forward onto the broad shoulder in front of him.</p><p>“I don’t want to fuck this up,” he murmured, closing his eyes when he felt Sam’s arms wrap around him lovingly.</p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p>“Then we can’t do this yet. I mean, I want to. Fuck, do I want to,” he admitted. “But I know how this plays out. I’ve done it so many times before.” He had said all this before, but it was true.</p><p>“No, you did it with people who weren’t me,” Sam countered. “You heard them, though. We convinced a cherub, Heaven’s love experts, with our back and forth that day. If it weren’t for Chuck messing with us, keeping us apart, we’d have been together long ago. You know this. I don’t want to wait anymore. I’m tired of waiting. And, quite honestly, if I wait any longer, I’m probably going to throw you against a table or wall or whatever and use one of Rowena’s spells if need be.”</p><p>“Sam—”</p><p>“Please, Gabe,” he whispered back, hazel locked onto amber. “Please.”</p><p>“No fair using the damn puppy eyes,” whined the archangel. “You know what it does.”</p><p>His Samheart chuckled quietly but didn’t stop with his puppy dog eyes. If anything, he turned them even higher.</p><p>“Damn it, Sam.”</p><p>“What?” An amused chuckle followed as the little shit raised his hands up innocently. “You know you want a piece of this ass. Don’t deny it. You’ve never before. Why start now?” He then bit his lip teasingly. “Come on, Gabe. Live a little.”</p><p>“Sam—”</p><p>His resolve was breaking like it usually did.</p><p>“You can respect me some other day. Tonight, I want you. All of you. I want what we’ve missed out on for so long. We’ve done everything else ass backwards. Might as well be complete idiots and do this too. Let’s raise some hell together, troublemaker of mine?”</p><p>Gabriel groaned, the threads of control snapping one by one inside.</p><p>“You’re corrupting my poor, innocent soul, moose.”</p><p>“Well, you started it.”</p><p>“Yeah, and I’m clearly facing a life of utter damnation because of it, too.”</p><p>“You love it, and you know it.”</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>“So don’t.”</p><p>“You don’t understand.”</p><p>Sam threaded their hands together, lacing their fingers.</p><p>“Then make me understand.”</p><p>He had tried. He had tried to make it clear so many times.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>“I know,” Sam smiled back. “You’re sort of obvious about it.” He then gave a soft chuckle. “I love you, too, you know? Have for quite some time actually. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself because then it’d be real. I told you before, though. Everyone I’ve ever loved died. Most of them, I slept with. So, if you’re nervous about—”</p><p>“I’m not nervous,” he interrupted.</p><p>“Well, you’re also not jumping on me like I would have thought you would either.”</p><p>“Sam!”</p><p>“What? I’m just telling the truth here.”</p><p>“You have no idea how badly I want to give in.”</p><p>“So, do it.”</p><p>“And what if I lose control and hurt you? What if my Grace decides it’s too much and—”</p><p>“Or for that matter what if we give in and some of the sexual tension that’s been killing us and making us act like dumbasses just vanishes?”</p><p>“Or makes it awkward.”</p><p>Sam snorted. “Sex is always awkward the first time.”</p><p>“What? Who told you that?”</p><p>“Dean.”</p><p>“Well, your brother’s an idiot.”</p><p>“Agreed, but mighty big words coming from the archangel who fed me every line in the book for years, driving me insane with need, only to wind me up and walk away every time later.”</p><p>“Hey! I’m trying to be respectful here, giving you the proper—”</p><p>“I literally just told you I don’t want respect tonight.”</p><p>“Yes, I know. I heard you, but—”</p><p>“Am I going to have to take matters into my hands?”</p><p>“Sam—” The rest of his words were muffled by lips and hands that slammed them together.</p><p>Within seconds, he had managed to push Sam back and stepped in between the long legs after Sam hopped onto the table. He yanked flannel from where the bottom had been tucked into jeans and quickly shoved his hands underneath soon after. His hand pressed against the firm chest directly above Sam’s heart, feeling the muscles contract at the touch. He could feel his Grace meeting his hand.</p><p>At a quick flash of light, he felt an unexpected moment of weightlessness before they reappeared inside Sam’s room. Shock followed confusion when Sam realized what had happened.</p><p>“Did I do that?” asked his sweet human, panting as they pulled apart briefly to catch their breath.</p><p>“Yes,” he growled softly. “We’ll discuss it. Later.” Quickly working his way down Sam’s jawline, he pressed light bites against the flesh that glowed briefly before it healed. “Much later.”</p>
<hr/><p>The following morning, Gabriel woke completely wrapped around Sam, practically glued to the hunter. He lifted his head slowly and quickly winced when he was greeted with the hazel eyes staring down at him.</p><p>“Morning,” he mumbled. At least he was fairly certain it was morning. He honestly didn’t know, though. It just seemed like something to say.</p><p>“Morning,” Sam chuckled deeply.</p><p>“You look, uh—”</p><p>“Well fucked?” he offered, grinning tiredly.</p><p>“I was going to say ‘wrecked,’ but that works too.”</p><p>Damn, Sam looked good. His hair was all messed up, a rare occasion to see. And there were marks all over his jawline, neck, shoulders, chest, and further down too it seemed. At some point the Grace must have just given up completely.</p><p>“How, uh, how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Sore,” Sam answered with another quiet laugh, knitting their fingers together. “You?”</p><p>“Pretty sure I pulled a back muscle, but pretty good overall.”</p><p>The sounds of scratching at the door caused them both to glance at it.</p><p>“Want me to let her out?”</p><p>“Sharing parental duties already?” Gabriel teased, slowly moving away before Sam pulled him in again and kissed him deeply.</p><p>The scratching became even more insistent, pulling them apart regrettably.</p><p>“In some circles, our bond means we’re pretty much married, you know?” Sam drawled with a shit-eating grin. “So, yes, we’re sharing parental duties. We’re sharing a bed too. We’re sharing bad morning breath kisses. The whole nine yards and then some.” He kissed Gabriel again lightly before he pressed their foreheads together. “We should really name her, though, since she’s ours.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>When they heard a thump, they frowned before both rushed to the door. Gabriel had beat Sam by half a second, but only because Sam had thrown on a pair of boxers somehow.</p><p>The Bernese regarded them briefly before she let out a loud whine and whirled around to look down the corridor as if begging them to hurry.</p><p>“All right. Fine. We’ll let you out, brat.” He stepped out into the corridor, only to be pulled back.</p><p>“As awesome as it’d be to have you walking around the bunker naked, it’s probably not a good idea, considering my brother, you know?”</p><p>“Oh.” Gabriel nodded slowly. “Well, he’s going to have to get over himself.” He pressed a quick kiss to Sam’s cheek before he turned back to the pup who was clearly trying to be good and not pee inside but definitely needed to go.</p><p>“Don’t die, Gabe.”</p><p>“No promises,” he tossed over his shoulder playfully. “After all, we did have SEX. LOTS OF SEX. AWESOME FUCKING SEX!” he shouted, clearly being his usual asshole self again.</p><p>“GABRIEL!” Dean’s voice yelled from somewhere in the bunker. Maybe the kitchen.</p><p>“That’s my cue. Love ya!” He rushed off with the dog who was sprinting for the front door.</p><p>Several minutes later, Gabriel and his dog walked back down the stairs into the war room to find a head hung Cas in surprisingly casual lounge wear for once, a murderous glaring Dean with crossed arms in a retro Scorpions shirt and pair of ripped jeans, and a grinning Sam who was now dressed in the gorgeous grey sweats that hugged his hips so nicely. Gabriel didn’t even bother trying to cover himself.</p><p>“Hiya, Dean-o. How’s it hanging?”</p><p>“You’re a freaking child,” growled his soon-to-be brother-in-law. Forest green eyes then glanced at the happy dog wagging her tail as she approached. “Have you at least named the damn mutt yet?”</p><p>“Yep.” He chuckled when he caught Sam’s confusion. “Everyone, meet Candy.”</p><p>“Candy? You named her Candy?"</p><p>“Yep,” shrugged the archangel. He thought the name worked perfectly with her. She was sweet after all. “Now, if you’ll forgive us, I’m going to spend the day with my moose and our dog while we do nothing but binge Marvel all day and make up for lost time. Because tomorrow bright and early—<em>ugh</em>—Sam and I are going to be hard at work on Grace Play—er, I mean, controlling my Grace of course. Totally what I meant." He caught Sam's eye roll with the faint, knowing smirk. "So, you know, try to keep your moaning and such down over there tomorrow, kiddos, all right? Some of us have work to do these days after all.”</p><p>"Oh, that's it, asshole!" Dean growled, taking a step towards Gabriel.</p><p>"Dean!" Cas warned, stepping in front of the glaring Winchester. "No killing my brother!"</p><p>"Fine!" Dean then pointed at Gabriel. "But you've just lost the wedding singer gig!"</p><p>"Coolio. I was going to sing <em>Cautionary Fairytale</em>. Or maybe <em>A Thousand Years</em>. Or I could have done <em>Fallen Angel</em> or <em>Angel with a Shotgun. </em>Hell, there were so many options that I honestly hadn't decided yet. Your loss. Later, boys."</p>
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